best friends = nonexistent (in my case that is)
i suppose this is karma coming back to kick me in the ass. my senior year has been the best and the worst year of my life. so many terrible things have happened that make me wonder if i really am a horrible person but then a lot of great things have happened too; new friendships, new boyfriends, and new family members.
there are a few people who make me feel like crap everyday. i dont know if they know it or even if they even are doing it on purpose, the point is, it hurts. everyone has their one best friend; the person you can call at 3 am and you know they dont mind, the person who offers to stay late at work just to take you home, the person who wants to tell you secrets and listen to your advice. i once had three best friends, and now i feel like i have none.
let's start at the beginning. im not naming any names, so you can figure it out for yourselves. i had been good friends with a girl since middle school and we had grown extremely close within our first two years of highschool, we became best friends. i basically set her and her current boyfriend up together...even though i was very reluctant and i wanted to stay out of it. however, they both insisted upon my help. so i did and they started dating and it was great while it lasted. like every other highschool relationship, theirs fell apart and i was blamed. i became the stone cold bitch who was scheming behind her bestfriend's back to steal her boyfriend away from her. what's funny was that he was my best guy friend. true, i loved him, but i loved him like a brother. i felt more comfortable around him, than i did with anyone else. she was my best girl friend, he was my best guy friend, and when they broke up, it was hell for me. i chose his side...why, i dont know...it just felt right.
they inevitably got back together and somewhere in that process they both decided they hated me.
before those friendships fell apart, i met someone at work. at first, our friendship was a tad awkward and many people wondered why i was even her friend. she wasn't as outgoing like me or as crazy or as experienced (life wise, that is). but we were pretty good friends; i trusted her with my secrets. when things between myself and the "happy couple" got worse, she was there for me. eventually i was finally disowned by my ex-best friends and "the new girl" and myself became the very best of friends. we were, i suppose, the picture of best friendship. we went everywhere together, we liked the same stuff, we had joint invitations to parties, you get the point.
then, while things are going great and i never thought anything could ruin our friendship...she gets fired from work. the place where we met and formed our strong, everlasting friendship. we still hung out together, but things became increasingly awkward between us. as luck would have it, she met a guy and they began dating and are still together. he's a great guy and the only one of her boyfriends i have ever approved of (due to the fact that the other guys were losers). then, i met a guy and i really, really liked him and we started dating. funny enough, she couldn't stand him...this also put a strain on our friendship.
i noticed that she rarely called me and if i saw her out somewhere, it was awkward. so, like any concerned friend, i tried to talk to her. i bet i told her how i felt 3 or 4 times and every single time she would say that she felt the same way and wanted things to change, but they never did. i recently spoke to her about our situation and she believes that i've changed; that im the one with the problem. needless to say, we don't really talk anymore and that breaks my heart. she was like a sister to me and i geniunely feel like she could care less about our friendship.
there is a void in my life; a big empty, incurable hole. i hear other people talk about their best friends and all of the fun things they have done with them and i can't help but feel bitter. i have a lot of friends, i have many close friends, and i have maybe 2 or 3 people who call me their "best friend." but i don't think they mean it and i don't want to hurt them when i say that. i feel alone. im afraid that when i go off to college, that these people will never have a second thought about me. now, they act like they hate me and i have no idea why.
maybe im not meant to have a best friend...
there are a few people who make me feel like crap everyday. i dont know if they know it or even if they even are doing it on purpose, the point is, it hurts. everyone has their one best friend; the person you can call at 3 am and you know they dont mind, the person who offers to stay late at work just to take you home, the person who wants to tell you secrets and listen to your advice. i once had three best friends, and now i feel like i have none.
let's start at the beginning. im not naming any names, so you can figure it out for yourselves. i had been good friends with a girl since middle school and we had grown extremely close within our first two years of highschool, we became best friends. i basically set her and her current boyfriend up together...even though i was very reluctant and i wanted to stay out of it. however, they both insisted upon my help. so i did and they started dating and it was great while it lasted. like every other highschool relationship, theirs fell apart and i was blamed. i became the stone cold bitch who was scheming behind her bestfriend's back to steal her boyfriend away from her. what's funny was that he was my best guy friend. true, i loved him, but i loved him like a brother. i felt more comfortable around him, than i did with anyone else. she was my best girl friend, he was my best guy friend, and when they broke up, it was hell for me. i chose his side...why, i dont know...it just felt right.
they inevitably got back together and somewhere in that process they both decided they hated me.
before those friendships fell apart, i met someone at work. at first, our friendship was a tad awkward and many people wondered why i was even her friend. she wasn't as outgoing like me or as crazy or as experienced (life wise, that is). but we were pretty good friends; i trusted her with my secrets. when things between myself and the "happy couple" got worse, she was there for me. eventually i was finally disowned by my ex-best friends and "the new girl" and myself became the very best of friends. we were, i suppose, the picture of best friendship. we went everywhere together, we liked the same stuff, we had joint invitations to parties, you get the point.
then, while things are going great and i never thought anything could ruin our friendship...she gets fired from work. the place where we met and formed our strong, everlasting friendship. we still hung out together, but things became increasingly awkward between us. as luck would have it, she met a guy and they began dating and are still together. he's a great guy and the only one of her boyfriends i have ever approved of (due to the fact that the other guys were losers). then, i met a guy and i really, really liked him and we started dating. funny enough, she couldn't stand him...this also put a strain on our friendship.
i noticed that she rarely called me and if i saw her out somewhere, it was awkward. so, like any concerned friend, i tried to talk to her. i bet i told her how i felt 3 or 4 times and every single time she would say that she felt the same way and wanted things to change, but they never did. i recently spoke to her about our situation and she believes that i've changed; that im the one with the problem. needless to say, we don't really talk anymore and that breaks my heart. she was like a sister to me and i geniunely feel like she could care less about our friendship.
there is a void in my life; a big empty, incurable hole. i hear other people talk about their best friends and all of the fun things they have done with them and i can't help but feel bitter. i have a lot of friends, i have many close friends, and i have maybe 2 or 3 people who call me their "best friend." but i don't think they mean it and i don't want to hurt them when i say that. i feel alone. im afraid that when i go off to college, that these people will never have a second thought about me. now, they act like they hate me and i have no idea why.
maybe im not meant to have a best friend...