Surrender
I give up. Today my shrink told me I should marry him, knowing how I feel. He said it may be a wonderful chance for happiness.
So I called him. I surrender. I offered him a reconciliation, with a possible future for marriage and a family. Simple decision: does he want me or not?
I understand what I'm giving up. I'm not the same person anyway. If we reconcile, we work it out and make a life together. If not, I'm moving away and will start a new adventure as a new person, forgetting about him forever. Hopefully near some water. I gave him a week to think it over, and asked that he tell me in person.
I can't stay in this spot, mourning, with no closure. I don't want to think many years from now that we might have been truly happy if not for my lofty principles. I'm open to anything right now because I don't like who I am, and I don't like what I feel. So much so that today I asked my therapist if antidepressants might help.
I'm going to catch hell for this. I know it. But it's my life to live, and I make it a point never to regret my decisions. I have to live it for me. And living with no compromises may yet make me a very lonely person.
So I called him. I surrender. I offered him a reconciliation, with a possible future for marriage and a family. Simple decision: does he want me or not?
I understand what I'm giving up. I'm not the same person anyway. If we reconcile, we work it out and make a life together. If not, I'm moving away and will start a new adventure as a new person, forgetting about him forever. Hopefully near some water. I gave him a week to think it over, and asked that he tell me in person.
I can't stay in this spot, mourning, with no closure. I don't want to think many years from now that we might have been truly happy if not for my lofty principles. I'm open to anything right now because I don't like who I am, and I don't like what I feel. So much so that today I asked my therapist if antidepressants might help.
I'm going to catch hell for this. I know it. But it's my life to live, and I make it a point never to regret my decisions. I have to live it for me. And living with no compromises may yet make me a very lonely person.