I need a real break from real life...
It has been one of those times in real life where I can almost understand why people go catatonic. Every now and then the real world gets to be more real than I'd like to deal with. Major ranting about some rather depressing stuff I really want to get off my chest somewhere.
Some time ago my husband's old CSM was killed in Iraq. He was a really great guy. My husband and another man he works with were tasked with going to his house to retrieve any Army issued equipment and then later to supervise the packers and movers. He's having a hard time with it.
My neighbor's 13 year old daughter died last Friday of cancer. She had been diagnosed, treated, and seemed to be doing well. She had finished her last radiation therapy. She was getting ready to go on her Make A Wish trip to Disneyworld, which she picked so her little sister could see Winnie the Pooh. Then she started getting dizzy, they thought it was vertigo. She became more ill, they found the cancer had spread to her brain and spine. She has been slowly declining, she didn't make her trip to Disneyworld, they thought she wouldn't last to Christmas or the New Year. She was a bright, beautiful girl and she'll be missed.
My great aunt died earlier in the week and my father couldn't make it to the funeral. She was as much a mother to him as his own. She lived with my dad's mom in a condo together. My dad feels bad about not being able to make it to the service, about not seeing her recently while she was ill. He had been in the hospital himself recently though. But he still feels bad. Things between him and my mom are strained although they live together I get multiple phone calls with two sides of the same story. As much as I love my mother, I think she's having that break from reality I'd like. She made Christmas a living hell for my sister and now is saying things about their visit there that I know aren't true. Right now I'm the good daughter, that will change next visit to our place...if it hasn't when I disagreed with her about my sister.
My sister who's best friend just had a liver transplant. She went into liver failure and the doctors' don't know why. She is in Chicago. She asked my sister to come and see her. She's out of the hospital, just, and has a three year old. Her husband is a surgical resident (intern?). Anyway my sister and family went to Chicago, have a hotel room and have taken her son, gone grocery shopping for her, sis has gone with her to a support group meeting...nice stuff. My sister called and checked with friend's husband and family before going to visit, even though friend asked. They all thought it was a great idea. My mom on the other hand, after telling my sister yes she should go, called me to say she thinks it was a bad idea for them to go because this was major surgery and she was just sent home. Here comes the disagreement...I told her that she had been invited, she called to make sure it would be okay, they've been helping, and that my sister is very considerate and wouldn't be going expecting her friend to paint Chicago red with her,even if my sister was a partier and she's not. That had my mother on the defensive and back tracking and pretty much ended that conversation. I assume my brother now knows I'm suffering from some mood disorder and am unreasonably snapping at people and that our sister is rudely forcing her company on her friend. Oh well.
To top it all off before my sister left I found out she has a copy of the letter our other brother left for his girlfriend when he committed suicide 5 years ago. I flew to CA and then drove with my parents to AZ to clean and pack his apartment after we were informed. We knew he was suffering from manic-depressive disorder (bipolar) but he had been on meds and seeing a doctor. Things had been a little rough but he didn't want to come live with any of us. At his apartment found evidence of non-prescribed drug use that my parents seem to have blocked out and definite evidence of paranoia. Anyway, no note, no message...nothing. Just a mess. Found out after everything, after I'd gone home, there was a note the police found addressed to the girlfriend and they read it for my mom but would not give her a copy. My mom wouldn't tell us what he said. At the time I really wanted to know. My sister and the girlfriend had met and evidently she sent a copy of the letter to my sister. We had been talking and my sister will send me a copy if I want it. It's been a little more than 5 years now and as much as it's something that will never go away, that we will never get over...I'm not sure I want to read the letter anymore. I obviously don't have to, just not sure what I'm going to do. I kind of want to know, but it won't change anything now. It's not something I'll ever get over, any of us, but just talking about it made it fresh again and I don't know that I'm up to the letter.
Urgh, just another valley between the peaks. Thankfully my husband is safe and not deployed, my kids are safe, happy, and blessedly healthy. I really need to focus on the blessings in my life.
Some time ago my husband's old CSM was killed in Iraq. He was a really great guy. My husband and another man he works with were tasked with going to his house to retrieve any Army issued equipment and then later to supervise the packers and movers. He's having a hard time with it.
My neighbor's 13 year old daughter died last Friday of cancer. She had been diagnosed, treated, and seemed to be doing well. She had finished her last radiation therapy. She was getting ready to go on her Make A Wish trip to Disneyworld, which she picked so her little sister could see Winnie the Pooh. Then she started getting dizzy, they thought it was vertigo. She became more ill, they found the cancer had spread to her brain and spine. She has been slowly declining, she didn't make her trip to Disneyworld, they thought she wouldn't last to Christmas or the New Year. She was a bright, beautiful girl and she'll be missed.
My great aunt died earlier in the week and my father couldn't make it to the funeral. She was as much a mother to him as his own. She lived with my dad's mom in a condo together. My dad feels bad about not being able to make it to the service, about not seeing her recently while she was ill. He had been in the hospital himself recently though. But he still feels bad. Things between him and my mom are strained although they live together I get multiple phone calls with two sides of the same story. As much as I love my mother, I think she's having that break from reality I'd like. She made Christmas a living hell for my sister and now is saying things about their visit there that I know aren't true. Right now I'm the good daughter, that will change next visit to our place...if it hasn't when I disagreed with her about my sister.
My sister who's best friend just had a liver transplant. She went into liver failure and the doctors' don't know why. She is in Chicago. She asked my sister to come and see her. She's out of the hospital, just, and has a three year old. Her husband is a surgical resident (intern?). Anyway my sister and family went to Chicago, have a hotel room and have taken her son, gone grocery shopping for her, sis has gone with her to a support group meeting...nice stuff. My sister called and checked with friend's husband and family before going to visit, even though friend asked. They all thought it was a great idea. My mom on the other hand, after telling my sister yes she should go, called me to say she thinks it was a bad idea for them to go because this was major surgery and she was just sent home. Here comes the disagreement...I told her that she had been invited, she called to make sure it would be okay, they've been helping, and that my sister is very considerate and wouldn't be going expecting her friend to paint Chicago red with her,even if my sister was a partier and she's not. That had my mother on the defensive and back tracking and pretty much ended that conversation. I assume my brother now knows I'm suffering from some mood disorder and am unreasonably snapping at people and that our sister is rudely forcing her company on her friend. Oh well.
To top it all off before my sister left I found out she has a copy of the letter our other brother left for his girlfriend when he committed suicide 5 years ago. I flew to CA and then drove with my parents to AZ to clean and pack his apartment after we were informed. We knew he was suffering from manic-depressive disorder (bipolar) but he had been on meds and seeing a doctor. Things had been a little rough but he didn't want to come live with any of us. At his apartment found evidence of non-prescribed drug use that my parents seem to have blocked out and definite evidence of paranoia. Anyway, no note, no message...nothing. Just a mess. Found out after everything, after I'd gone home, there was a note the police found addressed to the girlfriend and they read it for my mom but would not give her a copy. My mom wouldn't tell us what he said. At the time I really wanted to know. My sister and the girlfriend had met and evidently she sent a copy of the letter to my sister. We had been talking and my sister will send me a copy if I want it. It's been a little more than 5 years now and as much as it's something that will never go away, that we will never get over...I'm not sure I want to read the letter anymore. I obviously don't have to, just not sure what I'm going to do. I kind of want to know, but it won't change anything now. It's not something I'll ever get over, any of us, but just talking about it made it fresh again and I don't know that I'm up to the letter.
Urgh, just another valley between the peaks. Thankfully my husband is safe and not deployed, my kids are safe, happy, and blessedly healthy. I really need to focus on the blessings in my life.