Retreat.. stasis
Wolf finds herself alone again, I watch her move through forest and open landscape, sipping water here taking down small prey there, crossing paths with other wolves..sometimes eating with them, sometimes resting together sharing reassuring contact. But always leaving, moving onwards in her own direction. Hunting in darkness. Seeking a cave, a dark place to rest and hide in for a while.
Her mate has gone, but she is not pining, not yet. He had his reasons, and they were good. Sometimes she catches a distant howl of his on the wind and her heart stirs, hope rising briefly..but even from this she turns away and retreats to the darkness
Another male is skirting the edge of her territory, she watches him sometimes from the shadows of trees, a mixture of interest and a strange sense of protectiveness. Though older he seems driven and almost overcome by a cubbish intensity of passion for her..or at least for a true mate. His howling is full of sincerity and emotion, a near-serenade, enticing her out to dance with him. But no...not now. Not yet. If it's as true as he says then it will wait..even the rush of new love doesn't tempt her from the cave. She turns her back on it all and retreats.
..I think my heart is going into hibernation. I've never felt anything quite like it. For so long I've been chasing love, attention, contact. Relationships of one form or another, bringing joy and pain have been a big factor in my life the last..8 years..?
I also feel as though I'm trying to give birth. I think of cats when they dissapear to find some quiet (and usually awkward place) to do this..indeed I think a lot of female animals do? On the other hand they also do this when it's time to die.
I think it's more the first..I feel as though I have small flame which needs some nurturing and building up.
But it's strange, I don't feel jealous of happy couples at the moment, if anything I feel distant from all of it and not really interested. It does make me wonder why so many people (including myself) spend so much time obsessing about relationships one way or another. Of course, I'm still thinking about it, especially at the moment since my heart seems caught between two loves...the comfort of an old, ongoing, mellow fire which I'm not sure will ever die, or a new spark which may or may not have any substance. I realised actually my heart is calling for a third option - to just leave it all for a while, be patient, to just watch, retreat..
Her mate has gone, but she is not pining, not yet. He had his reasons, and they were good. Sometimes she catches a distant howl of his on the wind and her heart stirs, hope rising briefly..but even from this she turns away and retreats to the darkness
Another male is skirting the edge of her territory, she watches him sometimes from the shadows of trees, a mixture of interest and a strange sense of protectiveness. Though older he seems driven and almost overcome by a cubbish intensity of passion for her..or at least for a true mate. His howling is full of sincerity and emotion, a near-serenade, enticing her out to dance with him. But no...not now. Not yet. If it's as true as he says then it will wait..even the rush of new love doesn't tempt her from the cave. She turns her back on it all and retreats.
..I think my heart is going into hibernation. I've never felt anything quite like it. For so long I've been chasing love, attention, contact. Relationships of one form or another, bringing joy and pain have been a big factor in my life the last..8 years..?
I also feel as though I'm trying to give birth. I think of cats when they dissapear to find some quiet (and usually awkward place) to do this..indeed I think a lot of female animals do? On the other hand they also do this when it's time to die.
I think it's more the first..I feel as though I have small flame which needs some nurturing and building up.
But it's strange, I don't feel jealous of happy couples at the moment, if anything I feel distant from all of it and not really interested. It does make me wonder why so many people (including myself) spend so much time obsessing about relationships one way or another. Of course, I'm still thinking about it, especially at the moment since my heart seems caught between two loves...the comfort of an old, ongoing, mellow fire which I'm not sure will ever die, or a new spark which may or may not have any substance. I realised actually my heart is calling for a third option - to just leave it all for a while, be patient, to just watch, retreat..