Beatlefic: Baby on Board
Poor little Mary is going through a phase where she wants to sleep with her parents. Only Paul and Linda find it cramping their style. DISCLAIMER: I have no idea what phases Paul's kids went through. This one is written by request from a special reader.
Baby on Board
It seems so ironic now to look back on past tribulations as a parent and find them funny. They weren't funny at the time but now they seem like fodder for some bizarre comedy. The bad part is I don't really have anyone I can share some of these bits with that much in my life save for my spouse. But dammit, they are pretty amusing to tell. The kind of stuff you could embarrass your kids with when they're older, that is if you could find anybody to tell.
Ever have a child sort of get in the way of your sex life? I know every couple raising a family has some idea what I mean, but our little problem began to take several unexpected turns that surprised both Linda and me. We never saw some of it coming.
Some of it was pretty predictable. That's how it started. Little Stella was about a year old and Mary for some reason or another had started getting a bit clingy with us especially at night. At first it was genuine childish fear. There'd be a loud storm raging overhead and she didn't want to sleep alone. Okay, let her stay with us for the night. Then it would be something else and she'd be back in our bed again. Okay, fine. We learned that this was a common phase with children and we weren't worried that much by it. We figured she'd go back to her won bed eventually.
But then things sort of happened one after the other. One night, the baby was fussy right about Mary's bedtime and for some reason, I'm not sure how it happened, as we sat in our bed holding the baby trying to get her to sleep, Mary joined us under the covers after I read her a story. I know that at the time, neither of us minded. We've all slept together before for short periods. I just remember that once Stella fell off to sleep, Mary was still slumbering under our cover and we didn't have the heart to move her. So we let her stay with us. What's one more night going to hurt anyway?
Well, the next night, she came back into our room at bedtime complete with pillow, teddy bear and her favorite story book as she climbed up with me to get comfortable and have me read to her. Sure, that was all innocent enough and then she dropped off to sleep and we let her stay with us. Again.
I'm not sure how many nights this went on for. Two or three but eventually, we both realized that she needed to stay in her own bed despite her fears. I remember lots of conversations that went like, “You're a big girl now. Don't you want to sleep in your own big girl bed?” along with promises of, “Mommy and Daddy are right here down the hall. We're not far away. We're not going anywhere.”
That worked for all of a few hours. Somehow she came back into our room. Neither of us were sure exactly when as we couldn't recall her getting into bed with us. But we both woke up and found her sound asleep between us with her own pillow. At first I thought Linda must have let her in but Linda said she assumed I did. It turns out little Mary must have gotten in all by herself. I was slightly amused by what a clever girl she was.
Until it began happening every night. If Linda and I were sleeping closely together, we'd find Mary sleeping beside us practically by the edge or curled up across our feet like one of our cats. Once we found her on the floor with not only her pillow but also a blanket she had dragged from her own bed. We figured it was just a phase and that eventually she'll figure out her own bed is much more comfortable then the floor or our feet and hopefully stay there. It was pretty typical that little kids outgrow this stuff.
And then it began to get very inconvenient for us with a few surprises thrown in for good measure.
I don't remember how long after we thought we had gotten Mary to stay in her own bed for the entire night that it happened. I do know that she fooled us by leaving us be for a little while anyway, so we had no reason to even consider she might get back in bed with us. What I do remember was that I
ended up on top of my wife. We weren't exactly fucking yet. We hadn't gotten that far with it but we were in a pretty passionate embrace. Lips locked in heavy kissing, hands going everywhere, nightclothes becoming undone though they were still on both of us. Breasts in my palms. Her warmth on my side of the bed. My hips pressing into her to show her what she was doing to me. Strands of hair tickling my skin at various spots needing to be brushed away.
I was straddling over Linda who was on her back. I was thinking this might be the moment where I get to peel her clothing off when all of a sudden, a tiny mound of blankets next to us teetering near the very edge of the bed moved and a little face and figure emerged all bright eyed watching us. It was Mary and boy did she startle both of us. We each screamed loudly and I swear our hair stood up on end.
Of course with the loud screams, the baby was woken up. Little Stella could be heard crying so now Linda got up to tend to her while I grabbed Mary and carried her back to bed slung over my shoulder. She was laughing thinking it all a great game.
“That was funny, Daddy,” She giggled at me. I wasn't really all that amused at the time but I tried to sort of act like I was a little bit for her sake. I wasn't sure what all she saw going on and I was afraid of some embarrassing hard to answer questions. Fortunately, there weren't any forthcoming.
Heather had obviously been woken up by all the screaming and appeared in her nightgown.
“What's going on?” She asked.
“Nothing. Your sister startled your mother and me.”
Mary just kept on giggling all the way through the ordeal even when I tucked her back in her own bed and pointed my finger ordering her to stay there. She found the whole thing very funny. I didn't then but I do now.
And with the baby up and Linda holding her hoping to get her to go back to sleep, it turned into changing the baby and by then it was time to feed the baby and needless to say, our amorous mood we experienced earlier was gone.
It didn't end there. Mary joined us in bed sporadically over the next few weeks. It didn't happen often but it did happen. Then she'd sleep through the night on her own and we'd think it was over.
So one night it happened again only this time, Linda was on all fours and I was riding her to glory and salvation. We both were facing the door from where we were on the bed, so we each saw it open silently and that little face peering at us.
“What are you doing?” a tiny voice asked both of us out of the darkness.
I know I screamed again and jumped off of Linda fearful of what Mary had seen this time. Linda shot up, somehow pulled a robe and went over to Mary to lead her by the hand back to her own bed.
“Daddy and I were playing horsey,” Linda said and I hoped to God that worked. At least, there were no follow up questions. I had played horsey games with all my girls often enough that I guess in hindsight, that wasn't that bad of an analogy. At least, Mary doesn't seem any scarred by the incident now.
No, that wasn't the last incident. It would get a little bit worse. Mary took to only sporadically trying to come into our room so we'd let our guard down. She'd sleep through the night in her own bed for about a week and then try again to join us declaring some real or imagined fear. When we ushered her back to her own bed, she'd try sneaking in quietly to join us in the middle of the night again.
This time we did have all our clothes off and I was getting a face full of breasts. I had just taken one of them into my mouth and we were both lost in the bliss of the moment when the door opened silently. There stood little Mary again all wide-eyed staring at us in our carnal glory. This time she asked, “Is daddy being a baby?”
I know we both jumped up again like every time before that. Linda pulled on her robe and escorted
Mary back into her own bed while talking gently to her.
This one had the potential to get really embarrassing. While we were hoping for a repeat of the horsey incident with no follow up questions, there came a moment a few days later when Mary made a sudden comment about it to a guest and I nearly had a heart attack.
Someone was visiting us up there. An adult friend and his wife. Of course the kids were all about playing and having fun and sometimes interacting with us. Mary had taken a shine to the wife and was talking to her about the animals we had on the farm in that endearing way children have of doing such things.
At one point in the conversation, Mary declared, “Sometimes Daddy is a baby.”
I know that my head shot up and I felt my blood grow hot when I heard that. Our guest merely chuckled and said, “Is that so?” and the conversation dropped, moving on to Mary telling her about me putting her on a bigger horse recently. That had been a very exciting moment for her.
I felt Linda's hand on my shoulder and I know she was trying to tell me silently to ignore the comment that had alarmed me so. Later we'd talk about it.
“I wouldn't worry about it,” was her attitude. “If a kid said something like that to me, I'd think she'd heard her mother playfully calling her father a big baby during a conversation. You turned really red and that almost gave the whole show away.”
“I couldn't help myself,” I replied. “I had the image of me with my face in your breasts when Mary said that and boy, did I think we had a new part of the problem. Do you think she figured it out?”
“I hope she knows I got nicer boobs then her,” Linda joked about our guest and we both laughed.
Then came a legitimate reason for Mary to suddenly be scared and want to sleep with us. Coyotes. They were everywhere and we could hear them at night. Every once in a while they'd get a sheep, or worse, into the hen house and get chickens. Every farmer around was complaining about them.
Mary started to get scared when one morning we were greeted by the sight of a chewed up half eaten cat within view of our window. They had really not gotten that close to the house before and it was unnerving a bit. Mary cried for a little while but things got worse the next night when we actually spotted one of those yellow dogs running around at dusk. She screamed and insisted on sleeping with us out of fear the coyotes were going to come for her.
We had to let her have her way for a while. A few nights and then she began sleeping in her own bed again. The surprise visits repeated and we'd step over her in the morning mumbling to each other, “Not again.”
The worst incident was yet to come. One night, Linda and I did something we've rarely done. We fell asleep together on the couch. I know that I was tired and we had planned on watching the telly together that night and nothing more. I guess Linda was tired too because we both woke up out of a sound sleep cuddled together on that sofa to Mary's screams coming from upstairs.
It was one of those disorienting moments where I had to remember who and where I was as I came out of my dream. The surroundings seemed slightly off base at first until I recognized I was in my own living room and had fallen asleep in there. Feeling Linda raise her head slowly in her own befuddled state added to the surrealism of the moment. She was usually the one who would gently wake me and suggest I go to bed whenever I dozed on the couch.
We both sort of looked at each other and then realized our baby was upstairs screaming like she was in danger. Our parental instincts took over as we both got up and went to see what was wrong.
Poor little Mary was sitting there crying in the hallway in her bed clothes holding her blanket and pillow. When we asked her what was the matter, she tearfully told us how she had gotten out of her bed to come sleep with us and when she didn't find us in our bed, she feared the coyotes had eaten us.
Oh, what could we do at that moment? We hugged her and assured her we both were fine. We had just
been downstairs for a little while. We had to let her sleep with us once we got crying Stella back to sleep who had also been woken up by all the noise.
Eventually, Mary naturally did outgrow that little phase of hers. It's funny now though she claims she doesn't remember any of it.
Baby on Board
It seems so ironic now to look back on past tribulations as a parent and find them funny. They weren't funny at the time but now they seem like fodder for some bizarre comedy. The bad part is I don't really have anyone I can share some of these bits with that much in my life save for my spouse. But dammit, they are pretty amusing to tell. The kind of stuff you could embarrass your kids with when they're older, that is if you could find anybody to tell.
Ever have a child sort of get in the way of your sex life? I know every couple raising a family has some idea what I mean, but our little problem began to take several unexpected turns that surprised both Linda and me. We never saw some of it coming.
Some of it was pretty predictable. That's how it started. Little Stella was about a year old and Mary for some reason or another had started getting a bit clingy with us especially at night. At first it was genuine childish fear. There'd be a loud storm raging overhead and she didn't want to sleep alone. Okay, let her stay with us for the night. Then it would be something else and she'd be back in our bed again. Okay, fine. We learned that this was a common phase with children and we weren't worried that much by it. We figured she'd go back to her won bed eventually.
But then things sort of happened one after the other. One night, the baby was fussy right about Mary's bedtime and for some reason, I'm not sure how it happened, as we sat in our bed holding the baby trying to get her to sleep, Mary joined us under the covers after I read her a story. I know that at the time, neither of us minded. We've all slept together before for short periods. I just remember that once Stella fell off to sleep, Mary was still slumbering under our cover and we didn't have the heart to move her. So we let her stay with us. What's one more night going to hurt anyway?
Well, the next night, she came back into our room at bedtime complete with pillow, teddy bear and her favorite story book as she climbed up with me to get comfortable and have me read to her. Sure, that was all innocent enough and then she dropped off to sleep and we let her stay with us. Again.
I'm not sure how many nights this went on for. Two or three but eventually, we both realized that she needed to stay in her own bed despite her fears. I remember lots of conversations that went like, “You're a big girl now. Don't you want to sleep in your own big girl bed?” along with promises of, “Mommy and Daddy are right here down the hall. We're not far away. We're not going anywhere.”
That worked for all of a few hours. Somehow she came back into our room. Neither of us were sure exactly when as we couldn't recall her getting into bed with us. But we both woke up and found her sound asleep between us with her own pillow. At first I thought Linda must have let her in but Linda said she assumed I did. It turns out little Mary must have gotten in all by herself. I was slightly amused by what a clever girl she was.
Until it began happening every night. If Linda and I were sleeping closely together, we'd find Mary sleeping beside us practically by the edge or curled up across our feet like one of our cats. Once we found her on the floor with not only her pillow but also a blanket she had dragged from her own bed. We figured it was just a phase and that eventually she'll figure out her own bed is much more comfortable then the floor or our feet and hopefully stay there. It was pretty typical that little kids outgrow this stuff.
And then it began to get very inconvenient for us with a few surprises thrown in for good measure.
I don't remember how long after we thought we had gotten Mary to stay in her own bed for the entire night that it happened. I do know that she fooled us by leaving us be for a little while anyway, so we had no reason to even consider she might get back in bed with us. What I do remember was that I
ended up on top of my wife. We weren't exactly fucking yet. We hadn't gotten that far with it but we were in a pretty passionate embrace. Lips locked in heavy kissing, hands going everywhere, nightclothes becoming undone though they were still on both of us. Breasts in my palms. Her warmth on my side of the bed. My hips pressing into her to show her what she was doing to me. Strands of hair tickling my skin at various spots needing to be brushed away.
I was straddling over Linda who was on her back. I was thinking this might be the moment where I get to peel her clothing off when all of a sudden, a tiny mound of blankets next to us teetering near the very edge of the bed moved and a little face and figure emerged all bright eyed watching us. It was Mary and boy did she startle both of us. We each screamed loudly and I swear our hair stood up on end.
Of course with the loud screams, the baby was woken up. Little Stella could be heard crying so now Linda got up to tend to her while I grabbed Mary and carried her back to bed slung over my shoulder. She was laughing thinking it all a great game.
“That was funny, Daddy,” She giggled at me. I wasn't really all that amused at the time but I tried to sort of act like I was a little bit for her sake. I wasn't sure what all she saw going on and I was afraid of some embarrassing hard to answer questions. Fortunately, there weren't any forthcoming.
Heather had obviously been woken up by all the screaming and appeared in her nightgown.
“What's going on?” She asked.
“Nothing. Your sister startled your mother and me.”
Mary just kept on giggling all the way through the ordeal even when I tucked her back in her own bed and pointed my finger ordering her to stay there. She found the whole thing very funny. I didn't then but I do now.
And with the baby up and Linda holding her hoping to get her to go back to sleep, it turned into changing the baby and by then it was time to feed the baby and needless to say, our amorous mood we experienced earlier was gone.
It didn't end there. Mary joined us in bed sporadically over the next few weeks. It didn't happen often but it did happen. Then she'd sleep through the night on her own and we'd think it was over.
So one night it happened again only this time, Linda was on all fours and I was riding her to glory and salvation. We both were facing the door from where we were on the bed, so we each saw it open silently and that little face peering at us.
“What are you doing?” a tiny voice asked both of us out of the darkness.
I know I screamed again and jumped off of Linda fearful of what Mary had seen this time. Linda shot up, somehow pulled a robe and went over to Mary to lead her by the hand back to her own bed.
“Daddy and I were playing horsey,” Linda said and I hoped to God that worked. At least, there were no follow up questions. I had played horsey games with all my girls often enough that I guess in hindsight, that wasn't that bad of an analogy. At least, Mary doesn't seem any scarred by the incident now.
No, that wasn't the last incident. It would get a little bit worse. Mary took to only sporadically trying to come into our room so we'd let our guard down. She'd sleep through the night in her own bed for about a week and then try again to join us declaring some real or imagined fear. When we ushered her back to her own bed, she'd try sneaking in quietly to join us in the middle of the night again.
This time we did have all our clothes off and I was getting a face full of breasts. I had just taken one of them into my mouth and we were both lost in the bliss of the moment when the door opened silently. There stood little Mary again all wide-eyed staring at us in our carnal glory. This time she asked, “Is daddy being a baby?”
I know we both jumped up again like every time before that. Linda pulled on her robe and escorted
Mary back into her own bed while talking gently to her.
This one had the potential to get really embarrassing. While we were hoping for a repeat of the horsey incident with no follow up questions, there came a moment a few days later when Mary made a sudden comment about it to a guest and I nearly had a heart attack.
Someone was visiting us up there. An adult friend and his wife. Of course the kids were all about playing and having fun and sometimes interacting with us. Mary had taken a shine to the wife and was talking to her about the animals we had on the farm in that endearing way children have of doing such things.
At one point in the conversation, Mary declared, “Sometimes Daddy is a baby.”
I know that my head shot up and I felt my blood grow hot when I heard that. Our guest merely chuckled and said, “Is that so?” and the conversation dropped, moving on to Mary telling her about me putting her on a bigger horse recently. That had been a very exciting moment for her.
I felt Linda's hand on my shoulder and I know she was trying to tell me silently to ignore the comment that had alarmed me so. Later we'd talk about it.
“I wouldn't worry about it,” was her attitude. “If a kid said something like that to me, I'd think she'd heard her mother playfully calling her father a big baby during a conversation. You turned really red and that almost gave the whole show away.”
“I couldn't help myself,” I replied. “I had the image of me with my face in your breasts when Mary said that and boy, did I think we had a new part of the problem. Do you think she figured it out?”
“I hope she knows I got nicer boobs then her,” Linda joked about our guest and we both laughed.
Then came a legitimate reason for Mary to suddenly be scared and want to sleep with us. Coyotes. They were everywhere and we could hear them at night. Every once in a while they'd get a sheep, or worse, into the hen house and get chickens. Every farmer around was complaining about them.
Mary started to get scared when one morning we were greeted by the sight of a chewed up half eaten cat within view of our window. They had really not gotten that close to the house before and it was unnerving a bit. Mary cried for a little while but things got worse the next night when we actually spotted one of those yellow dogs running around at dusk. She screamed and insisted on sleeping with us out of fear the coyotes were going to come for her.
We had to let her have her way for a while. A few nights and then she began sleeping in her own bed again. The surprise visits repeated and we'd step over her in the morning mumbling to each other, “Not again.”
The worst incident was yet to come. One night, Linda and I did something we've rarely done. We fell asleep together on the couch. I know that I was tired and we had planned on watching the telly together that night and nothing more. I guess Linda was tired too because we both woke up out of a sound sleep cuddled together on that sofa to Mary's screams coming from upstairs.
It was one of those disorienting moments where I had to remember who and where I was as I came out of my dream. The surroundings seemed slightly off base at first until I recognized I was in my own living room and had fallen asleep in there. Feeling Linda raise her head slowly in her own befuddled state added to the surrealism of the moment. She was usually the one who would gently wake me and suggest I go to bed whenever I dozed on the couch.
We both sort of looked at each other and then realized our baby was upstairs screaming like she was in danger. Our parental instincts took over as we both got up and went to see what was wrong.
Poor little Mary was sitting there crying in the hallway in her bed clothes holding her blanket and pillow. When we asked her what was the matter, she tearfully told us how she had gotten out of her bed to come sleep with us and when she didn't find us in our bed, she feared the coyotes had eaten us.
Oh, what could we do at that moment? We hugged her and assured her we both were fine. We had just
been downstairs for a little while. We had to let her sleep with us once we got crying Stella back to sleep who had also been woken up by all the noise.
Eventually, Mary naturally did outgrow that little phase of hers. It's funny now though she claims she doesn't remember any of it.