(no subject)
Sometimes I look at old pictures of myself and I just want to jump right into that same body and human being that I was. Maybe it was the safer way to go but I was so...solid. I see myself a year and a half ago just out having fun, and feeling confident and content and I miss that so much. I wasn't scared or lonely or afraid of breaking down. I had friends and I had a boyfriend but I hadn't lost myself. And I believed in myself so much. Its not that I don't anymore. I just feel really broken sometimes and I'm afraid of not having the strength to pick all of my pieces up. I'm taking actions now to get back to that place but I know it's going to take time. It's so hard when you give so much of yourself away. I never really understood what that meant when people would say it before. But thats how it feels. I gave so much away and became so much more a part of something than I ever meant to. It's not that I regret it, but what do you do when thats not reliable anymore? Yes it's there. But it's not the same, and it's not always welcomed. I want the rest of me back so I can go back to the way I was but I just don't know if thats even possible. I miss not having bruises or scrapes on my heart. I miss feeling comfortable in my own skin. I dont even think I realized at the time how comfortable in my own skin I was, until I learned what it meant to really not be. In some ways I am so thankful for taking this year off because if I had gone straight to Roosevelt, I dont think I would have been happy. I have learned SO much and will appreciate so much when I go back to school in the fall. But other times I really wonder how I'd be feeling if I had the same opportunities or life as all of my friends.
Is it really true that all good things come to an end?
Is it really true that all good things come to an end?