And it all spills out...
I don't know what's compelled me to start sharing my thoughts with what could turn out to be the entire world, but I guess I find safety in talking to strangers.
No one I know will find this, I know that like I know my own name.
Perhaps I shouldn't even be writing the things I want to here, but... I have to. I hate keeping my feelings bottled up inside like some moody CD store asshole.
My name is Catherine May. And I'm very confused.
Supposing that this was a story, a completely fictional lie then I guess I would begin by telling you about myself.
I'm 19 years old. I was born on Halloween. I have a twin brother who I love like the world's ending. We live in a small country town, surrounded by people who have known us most of our lives. I hate this town, but I love it too.
I don't have a boyfriend. I can't, really. It'd be lying to myself. Not because I'm gay, no. But because of someone else. Someone who I might as well not exist to.
My brother, Rowan, is my complete opposite. He's loud and obxious and rude and very popular with his friends. Our house is always full of the noisy bastards, coming over and demanding Rowan's attention. I don't know if they can tell I don't like them much, but I know that the feeling's mutual. Rowan's best friend thinks I'm clingy. Yeah, well at least I'm not a drugged up whore like the skanks he dates (Rowan's Bestie, not my Rowan).
Rowan has a girlfriend, an old classmate. I don't really know her well despite her relationship with my brother, but she's... okay. It might just be my self-esteem talking but I can't say it feels like she appriciates my being alive.
I love the colour pink, and sunsets. I'd love to learn how to use photoshop and create beautiful pictures like on deviantart but my computer would explode if I tried to install something like that. That and I don't have the money for it.
I'm searching for something I don't believe truly exists...
-CM