Valentine's DIE!
Considering my cynicism, it seems only natural to have a post on this subject. :) Enjoy the poem I was forwarded and the chunk of info Sharon sent me. :) I think I've earned the right to rant about all this silly holiday as one of my jobs as the gifts person at work is to make displays and this time its of valentines day crap. I personally am excited to be attending an Anti-Valentine's day party at the school's bar tomorrow night after work and wear all black, not that I don't normally anyways...... Feel free to spread this cynicism. :)
Ode to Valentine's Day
Hearts and roses and kisses galore...
What the hell is that schtuff for
People get mushy and start acting queer
It's definitely the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass.
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass.
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak
And wear all black for the rest of the week.
Guys act all sweet but soon it will fade…
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a bunch of $#!+.
So there's my story... what can I say…
Love bites ass... SCREW VALENTINE'S DAY!
------------------------
Many of you may believe in the so-called “holiday” known as Valentine’s Day. I, however, am far from convinced that the day should, in fact, be considered a holiday.
According to some research I did while cursing Einthhoven and his flipping triangle, the roots of St. Valentine's Day lie in the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, which was celebrated on Feb. 15. For some 800 years or so the Romans had dedicated this day to the god Lupercus. On this special day, a young man would draw the name of a young woman in a lottery and would then keep the woman as a sexual companion for the year. The Romans were big into women’s rights back then.
Pope Gelasius I of the Catholic Church was less than thrilled with this custom for a reason that to this day is unknown. In order to remedy the situation, he changed the lottery to have both young men and women draw the names of saints whom they would then emulate for the year (I know what you’re thinking guys, tragedy). Instead of Lupercus, the patron of the feast became Valentine, a priest in the Roman Empire who helped persecuted Christians during the reign of Claudius II, was thrown in jail, and later beheaded on Feb. 14. Remember that detail ladies when you think of all the warm and fuzzies you associate with this “holiday."
For Roman men, the day continued to be an occasion to seek the affections of women, and it became a tradition to give out handwritten messages of admiration that included Valentine's name. This silly tradition somehow stuck and is still carried out today throughout middle school classrooms, enabling celebrities such as Michael Jordan to reap the benefits of royalties for using pictures of him on small cards that say something to the effect of “You’re a slam dunk.” (You all remember those cards and some of you miss them).
In any event, this “holiday” has evolved into something that would cause wailing and gnashing of teeth to the founders of the day. Nowhere did anyone intend for the day to be filled with expensive flowers, chocolates, and dinners that, if not received, would result in a one-way ticket to the doghouse. Webster’s dictionary defines a holiday as a day free from work that one may spend at leisure, especially a day on which custom or the law dictates a halting of general business activity to commemorate or celebrate a particular event. Using this definition it is clear that Valentine’s Day is anything but a holiday. At no point during the day is anyone free from work or able to spend time at leisure (what is leisurely about hurrying to an overpriced restaurant to be seated next to other people who were also duped into believing in this holiday myth), and there is clearly no halting of general business activity since flower boys all over the country are running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
What will I be doing on this so-called holiday you may ask? I will be celebrating the day as many of you men should: playing poker and drinking beers with my pals, while not spending half a rent check on a hyped-up day that traces it roots to the beheading of a Catholic priest. Cheers and happy “holiday.” '
Ode to Valentine's Day
Hearts and roses and kisses galore...
What the hell is that schtuff for
People get mushy and start acting queer
It's definitely the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass.
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass.
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak
And wear all black for the rest of the week.
Guys act all sweet but soon it will fade…
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a bunch of $#!+.
So there's my story... what can I say…
Love bites ass... SCREW VALENTINE'S DAY!
------------------------
Many of you may believe in the so-called “holiday” known as Valentine’s Day. I, however, am far from convinced that the day should, in fact, be considered a holiday.
According to some research I did while cursing Einthhoven and his flipping triangle, the roots of St. Valentine's Day lie in the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, which was celebrated on Feb. 15. For some 800 years or so the Romans had dedicated this day to the god Lupercus. On this special day, a young man would draw the name of a young woman in a lottery and would then keep the woman as a sexual companion for the year. The Romans were big into women’s rights back then.
Pope Gelasius I of the Catholic Church was less than thrilled with this custom for a reason that to this day is unknown. In order to remedy the situation, he changed the lottery to have both young men and women draw the names of saints whom they would then emulate for the year (I know what you’re thinking guys, tragedy). Instead of Lupercus, the patron of the feast became Valentine, a priest in the Roman Empire who helped persecuted Christians during the reign of Claudius II, was thrown in jail, and later beheaded on Feb. 14. Remember that detail ladies when you think of all the warm and fuzzies you associate with this “holiday."
For Roman men, the day continued to be an occasion to seek the affections of women, and it became a tradition to give out handwritten messages of admiration that included Valentine's name. This silly tradition somehow stuck and is still carried out today throughout middle school classrooms, enabling celebrities such as Michael Jordan to reap the benefits of royalties for using pictures of him on small cards that say something to the effect of “You’re a slam dunk.” (You all remember those cards and some of you miss them).
In any event, this “holiday” has evolved into something that would cause wailing and gnashing of teeth to the founders of the day. Nowhere did anyone intend for the day to be filled with expensive flowers, chocolates, and dinners that, if not received, would result in a one-way ticket to the doghouse. Webster’s dictionary defines a holiday as a day free from work that one may spend at leisure, especially a day on which custom or the law dictates a halting of general business activity to commemorate or celebrate a particular event. Using this definition it is clear that Valentine’s Day is anything but a holiday. At no point during the day is anyone free from work or able to spend time at leisure (what is leisurely about hurrying to an overpriced restaurant to be seated next to other people who were also duped into believing in this holiday myth), and there is clearly no halting of general business activity since flower boys all over the country are running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
What will I be doing on this so-called holiday you may ask? I will be celebrating the day as many of you men should: playing poker and drinking beers with my pals, while not spending half a rent check on a hyped-up day that traces it roots to the beheading of a Catholic priest. Cheers and happy “holiday.” '