(no subject)
idk what the fuck im doing
i go to school. i miss classes like a third of the time. save for my music classes that dont really matter. choir, chamber singers, voice, piano, psychology, into to auto. and its "full-time" at 12 units which hasnt happened in a year and a half. this is my 4th semester (skipped last spring) at BC and by units im still a freshmen. i didnt even master shit like enrolling and paying for classes until my second year. ive dropped and added and changed so much shit that i can do it with my eyes closed!
"Waaaaaah, I don't know what I wanna be when I grow up! Join the fuckin' Army or something!" - Waiting
i would never join the service just bcz i dont think i could make it. and other reasons but anyways....
its sort of like how ive become with church. im one of those who is Christian only on Sundays yknow and then during the week goes back to other ways that go against church/God. i go to school and leave it all there. i know i have homework but i dont always do it let alone want to do it. like anybody actually wants to right? im starting to get involved again tho. did practice and a mass at St. Phil's today. we have mass again next sunday. started back up with the adult choir at St. Francis. gotta do xmas midnight mass! i guess Fr. Craig wanted me back so much that he was willing to pay for some of my classes. :-\ i absoloutely cant let the money doesnt go to waste if he decides to sponsor me. and Susan (the director) still wants me to cantor some masses regularly by myself as a sort of job. ive done it before....
idk how long i will do Joyful Noise (st. phil) tho. ive been with them for almost 12 years. i grew up with some of them. but there have been so many changes that im not willing to go along with for much longer unless things improve.
[end church side stories and attempts to get back on subject]
on paper im a music major. and i love singing. i love being in choir (even tho this year's has discipline problems) and i would love to pursue voice hard core but the longer im here, the less i think its for me. i think CalArts totally broke my spirit when i didnt get accepted 2 yrs ago. BC was my only fall-back school bcz, like a dumb ass, i didnt apply anywhere else. so my ass has to go to shitty Bakersfield Community College w/o a fuckin clue.
but now im even worse off. i dont feel like i have a direction anymore. a goal i want to achieve. not even a career choice. and i Hate all of these gen-ed bullshit requirements to make you "a well-rounded individual". thats why i wanted to go to a conservatory in the first place. that way i wouldnt have to deal with all the bullshit. i could get an awesome education in a focused setting with peers that i can learn from. but i guess it turns out that im not so great. i dont have spectacular talent like others. i didnt grow up with theory or even learn to really read music til the very end of high school. in band i stopped getting spoon-fed my part by an accompanist to have it repeated back my memory. i had to actually read the music on my own - WHAT A CONCEPT!
BC hasnt been a complete waste of time. but it might as well have been. Dr. Kean (my choral director / somewhat mentor) has taught me a lot about using my voice. ive become sooo much better than i used to be when i auditioned for CalArts. my sight reading ...... has come into existance heh. we'll leave it at that. idk if that means that if i were to audition again that i would actually get in. and by the slim chance that i Do get in, where am i gonna get all that money? thats a fuckin huge loan right there.
what am i gonna do? try and get a decent grade in my psychology class bcz right now thats the only class that really matters right now. my auto class is a joke. i think there is such thing as TOO MUCH hands on learning. i doubt there will even be a final. i need to learn to treat the choirs as what they are: extracurricular activities. piano is pretty easy. just takes practicing. same with voice. "Largo al factotum della oitta" from The Barber of Seville will be fun when its ready for performance in a couple weeks. .... i need private voice.
i need a fuckin clue.
i go to school. i miss classes like a third of the time. save for my music classes that dont really matter. choir, chamber singers, voice, piano, psychology, into to auto. and its "full-time" at 12 units which hasnt happened in a year and a half. this is my 4th semester (skipped last spring) at BC and by units im still a freshmen. i didnt even master shit like enrolling and paying for classes until my second year. ive dropped and added and changed so much shit that i can do it with my eyes closed!
"Waaaaaah, I don't know what I wanna be when I grow up! Join the fuckin' Army or something!" - Waiting
i would never join the service just bcz i dont think i could make it. and other reasons but anyways....
its sort of like how ive become with church. im one of those who is Christian only on Sundays yknow and then during the week goes back to other ways that go against church/God. i go to school and leave it all there. i know i have homework but i dont always do it let alone want to do it. like anybody actually wants to right? im starting to get involved again tho. did practice and a mass at St. Phil's today. we have mass again next sunday. started back up with the adult choir at St. Francis. gotta do xmas midnight mass! i guess Fr. Craig wanted me back so much that he was willing to pay for some of my classes. :-\ i absoloutely cant let the money doesnt go to waste if he decides to sponsor me. and Susan (the director) still wants me to cantor some masses regularly by myself as a sort of job. ive done it before....
idk how long i will do Joyful Noise (st. phil) tho. ive been with them for almost 12 years. i grew up with some of them. but there have been so many changes that im not willing to go along with for much longer unless things improve.
[end church side stories and attempts to get back on subject]
on paper im a music major. and i love singing. i love being in choir (even tho this year's has discipline problems) and i would love to pursue voice hard core but the longer im here, the less i think its for me. i think CalArts totally broke my spirit when i didnt get accepted 2 yrs ago. BC was my only fall-back school bcz, like a dumb ass, i didnt apply anywhere else. so my ass has to go to shitty Bakersfield Community College w/o a fuckin clue.
but now im even worse off. i dont feel like i have a direction anymore. a goal i want to achieve. not even a career choice. and i Hate all of these gen-ed bullshit requirements to make you "a well-rounded individual". thats why i wanted to go to a conservatory in the first place. that way i wouldnt have to deal with all the bullshit. i could get an awesome education in a focused setting with peers that i can learn from. but i guess it turns out that im not so great. i dont have spectacular talent like others. i didnt grow up with theory or even learn to really read music til the very end of high school. in band i stopped getting spoon-fed my part by an accompanist to have it repeated back my memory. i had to actually read the music on my own - WHAT A CONCEPT!
BC hasnt been a complete waste of time. but it might as well have been. Dr. Kean (my choral director / somewhat mentor) has taught me a lot about using my voice. ive become sooo much better than i used to be when i auditioned for CalArts. my sight reading ...... has come into existance heh. we'll leave it at that. idk if that means that if i were to audition again that i would actually get in. and by the slim chance that i Do get in, where am i gonna get all that money? thats a fuckin huge loan right there.
what am i gonna do? try and get a decent grade in my psychology class bcz right now thats the only class that really matters right now. my auto class is a joke. i think there is such thing as TOO MUCH hands on learning. i doubt there will even be a final. i need to learn to treat the choirs as what they are: extracurricular activities. piano is pretty easy. just takes practicing. same with voice. "Largo al factotum della oitta" from The Barber of Seville will be fun when its ready for performance in a couple weeks. .... i need private voice.
i need a fuckin clue.