blah.
i feel very confused right now.
friday night was spent at my brother and sister-in-law's house with all of my siblings.
they came to support me because i broke up with alan that night.
i felt alone. i felt confused. the only thing i could do while they were there was cry.
i was surrounded by people who i knew loved me, but yet i felt alone.
it was actually pretty overwhelming. my siblings and in-laws talking to each other.
my nephews running/crawling around like crazy kids, making noise.
i almost couldn't handle it. but i did.
and then everyone went home.
saturday evening/night and sunday morning/early afternoon was spent in snyder, ne.
i stayed with sarah and her parents on their farm. and it was wonderful.
food was good. and it was just a great place to go, away from things.
parents flew back into omaha today from maryland.
they met me at my brother's house to talk, since alan was at the apartment.
they told me that they didn't want to support me if i was just going to go back to alan.
which i can understand their point.
i don't know what i want, and i don't know what i need.
i've been dating alan for over 10 months.
he says that i smother him. that every time he or i gets off work or whatever, i'm on him.
sure, i like to cuddle and stuff, but i didn't think i was smothering him. but he feels smothered.
he says that we are together all the time.
he works sunday-thursday nights, and likes to go do his own thing on fridays and saturdays.
he says that we are together 5 nights a week. which we are, but we aren't.
because i play poker where he works. that isn't what i call spending time together.
he says that he wants time alone. but really what he means is that he wants time away from me. i told him that most boyfriends and girlfriends like spending as much time together as possible. that that was normal for any relationship to work. which really it is. i *like* spending time with alan, but alan claims that he needs time away from me. and i'm confused about this. he says that he has always been like this. he can't be "smothered". but i don't think that by going to play poker every night is smothering him.
i don't want a boyfriend/fiance/husband who works 5 nights a week, and then goes out the other two nights a week. that's just too much.
i'm done typing.
blah.
friday night was spent at my brother and sister-in-law's house with all of my siblings.
they came to support me because i broke up with alan that night.
i felt alone. i felt confused. the only thing i could do while they were there was cry.
i was surrounded by people who i knew loved me, but yet i felt alone.
it was actually pretty overwhelming. my siblings and in-laws talking to each other.
my nephews running/crawling around like crazy kids, making noise.
i almost couldn't handle it. but i did.
and then everyone went home.
saturday evening/night and sunday morning/early afternoon was spent in snyder, ne.
i stayed with sarah and her parents on their farm. and it was wonderful.
food was good. and it was just a great place to go, away from things.
parents flew back into omaha today from maryland.
they met me at my brother's house to talk, since alan was at the apartment.
they told me that they didn't want to support me if i was just going to go back to alan.
which i can understand their point.
i don't know what i want, and i don't know what i need.
i've been dating alan for over 10 months.
he says that i smother him. that every time he or i gets off work or whatever, i'm on him.
sure, i like to cuddle and stuff, but i didn't think i was smothering him. but he feels smothered.
he says that we are together all the time.
he works sunday-thursday nights, and likes to go do his own thing on fridays and saturdays.
he says that we are together 5 nights a week. which we are, but we aren't.
because i play poker where he works. that isn't what i call spending time together.
he says that he wants time alone. but really what he means is that he wants time away from me. i told him that most boyfriends and girlfriends like spending as much time together as possible. that that was normal for any relationship to work. which really it is. i *like* spending time with alan, but alan claims that he needs time away from me. and i'm confused about this. he says that he has always been like this. he can't be "smothered". but i don't think that by going to play poker every night is smothering him.
i don't want a boyfriend/fiance/husband who works 5 nights a week, and then goes out the other two nights a week. that's just too much.
i'm done typing.
blah.