Opening up- a free-write.
While today feels like a typical Sunday, it's not really a typical Sunday; it's my last Sunday as an unemployed individual. I guess the whole "leaving Alana" thing hasn't really hit me yet- probably because I haven't allowed myself to think about it. It's just as well, thought-stopping has served me well in the past.
This morning, Alana and I went to church and then left halfway through to bring Allen's employee badge to him at work. Allen's funny- he'll never ask me to do anything for him, even when it's not a problem and he needs it done. His text about his badge basically asked if I could drop it off "if I was going to be in the area." I'm never in the area, but have no problem dropping it off. I tell him this and he says "never mind." I insist I can bring it to him, no problem, and he keeps telling me no. I finally just tell him "alright, well, I'll go to church and then bring you your badge afterwards."
"Thank you," he replies, "I'll buy you lunch."
"Not necessary, but I'll take you up on it anyways." What kind of a person turns down a "free" lunch?
As Alana and I were holding hands and walking into the hospital, Allen rounded the corner and Alana saw him. She started clapping, dancing, shrieking, and ran towards him. I bet that felt good.
The three of us sat down and had a nice lunch together. Allen introduced me to his former coworkers and showed off Alana a little bit. We talked a lot about the challenges we've faced as a married couple and the challenges we will continue to face in the next few years. We've had a tough road as a married couple and we're lucky we love each other so much. While we'll survive these tough times and we'll be strong because of it, I wouldn't recommend what we've gone through to anyone. Unfortunately, a lot of times you have to have a few years of instability in order to earn stability for the rest of your life. Guaranteed stability is worth the unstable times, but it certainly isn't easy.
Right after we got married, we moved away from friends and family into a city where we knew nobody. We were both in school, never had days off together, and struggled for money the whole time we were there. We had a child-who is a blessing but still a struggle- as having a child changes everything. We've lived with my parents for a year and will continue to live here for another 6-12 months while we pay off our revolving debt. We've had no privacy and experienced judging eyes watching us as we learned together how to effectively raise our child, while maintaining our marriage. I have a job now that won't solve our financial problems but will help us pay some debt down.
In another 18 or so months, Allen will likely get an internship somewhere (hopefully Seattle) and we might have to move. We'll be struggling for money then, too, and will have to put our plans for a second child on hold until Allen finishes his internship and gets a job.
When Allen does get a job, money won't be an issue at all. He'll make an hourly wage that is in the upper twenties (per hour, of course) and we'll be able to easily purchase a house. At that time, I'll also be able to stay at home if I want to, and if not I'm sure I'll be in a solid place in my career and be making decent money.
In a few years, things will be fine. We won't struggle any more and probably will never struggle again, we just have to get there. I know we'll persevere and we'll be just fine. I can't keep thinking of it in a "in two and a half years from now..." sense because that's depressing.
But again, of everyone in this whole world, I'm glad I'm going through it with Allen. He has an incredible amount of strength, ambition, understanding, and perseverance. I could only dream of being as strong as Allen is. When I got this HR job, I was very excited, but once we started figuring out our bills, I noticed that I won't have "spending money" like I had hoped I would. My excitement was still there but I was visibly concerned about it. Allen listened to me and replied "I'm on a high right now. My wife just got her dream job and we'll be paying off our credit cards. We should just focus on that, instead. This is a great position to be in. You should be excited." I like how he understands me and can break things down in a way that I can understand. I had my moments where I was stressed, but I feel better, now. We're on the right path and God is already there.
Allen works alone on Sundays and is therefore swamped with work. He was visibly overwhelmed and expressed it again when he called me about 30 minutes ago. I hope he's doing well by now.
Thanks for reading; that was surprisingly therapeutic. To think- I was just prepared to write about a "typical Sunday."
This morning, Alana and I went to church and then left halfway through to bring Allen's employee badge to him at work. Allen's funny- he'll never ask me to do anything for him, even when it's not a problem and he needs it done. His text about his badge basically asked if I could drop it off "if I was going to be in the area." I'm never in the area, but have no problem dropping it off. I tell him this and he says "never mind." I insist I can bring it to him, no problem, and he keeps telling me no. I finally just tell him "alright, well, I'll go to church and then bring you your badge afterwards."
"Thank you," he replies, "I'll buy you lunch."
"Not necessary, but I'll take you up on it anyways." What kind of a person turns down a "free" lunch?
As Alana and I were holding hands and walking into the hospital, Allen rounded the corner and Alana saw him. She started clapping, dancing, shrieking, and ran towards him. I bet that felt good.
The three of us sat down and had a nice lunch together. Allen introduced me to his former coworkers and showed off Alana a little bit. We talked a lot about the challenges we've faced as a married couple and the challenges we will continue to face in the next few years. We've had a tough road as a married couple and we're lucky we love each other so much. While we'll survive these tough times and we'll be strong because of it, I wouldn't recommend what we've gone through to anyone. Unfortunately, a lot of times you have to have a few years of instability in order to earn stability for the rest of your life. Guaranteed stability is worth the unstable times, but it certainly isn't easy.
Right after we got married, we moved away from friends and family into a city where we knew nobody. We were both in school, never had days off together, and struggled for money the whole time we were there. We had a child-who is a blessing but still a struggle- as having a child changes everything. We've lived with my parents for a year and will continue to live here for another 6-12 months while we pay off our revolving debt. We've had no privacy and experienced judging eyes watching us as we learned together how to effectively raise our child, while maintaining our marriage. I have a job now that won't solve our financial problems but will help us pay some debt down.
In another 18 or so months, Allen will likely get an internship somewhere (hopefully Seattle) and we might have to move. We'll be struggling for money then, too, and will have to put our plans for a second child on hold until Allen finishes his internship and gets a job.
When Allen does get a job, money won't be an issue at all. He'll make an hourly wage that is in the upper twenties (per hour, of course) and we'll be able to easily purchase a house. At that time, I'll also be able to stay at home if I want to, and if not I'm sure I'll be in a solid place in my career and be making decent money.
In a few years, things will be fine. We won't struggle any more and probably will never struggle again, we just have to get there. I know we'll persevere and we'll be just fine. I can't keep thinking of it in a "in two and a half years from now..." sense because that's depressing.
But again, of everyone in this whole world, I'm glad I'm going through it with Allen. He has an incredible amount of strength, ambition, understanding, and perseverance. I could only dream of being as strong as Allen is. When I got this HR job, I was very excited, but once we started figuring out our bills, I noticed that I won't have "spending money" like I had hoped I would. My excitement was still there but I was visibly concerned about it. Allen listened to me and replied "I'm on a high right now. My wife just got her dream job and we'll be paying off our credit cards. We should just focus on that, instead. This is a great position to be in. You should be excited." I like how he understands me and can break things down in a way that I can understand. I had my moments where I was stressed, but I feel better, now. We're on the right path and God is already there.
Allen works alone on Sundays and is therefore swamped with work. He was visibly overwhelmed and expressed it again when he called me about 30 minutes ago. I hope he's doing well by now.
Thanks for reading; that was surprisingly therapeutic. To think- I was just prepared to write about a "typical Sunday."