[toby/pam] you know how i feel
title: you know how i feel
fandom: the office
characters: toby, pam, toby/pam
word count: 911
rating: r
spoilers: slight spoilers for 3.23 'beach games'. a missing scene, of sorts
summary: He wonders maybe if he concentrates hard enough, he can pretend that he’s strolling along the beach with the others, the sun beating down and warming his skin.
author’s notes: um, i sort of love toby. and this begged to be written. i can’t help it -- you just know that he spent that entire day thinking of pam, right?
you know how i feel
Toby isn’t one to complain. Complaining doesn’t change anything, after all.
But he will happily admit to the undeniable. And this? This is the undeniable thing here: it’s simply unfair.
+
He wanders the empty office, his hat still perched ontop of his head. He wonders maybe if he concentrates hard enough, he can pretend that he’s strolling along the beach with the others, the sun beating down and warming his skin. He runs his hands along desks as he passes them, closing his eyes and trying, trying to place himself there, in the middle of them all. Maybe even walking beside Pam.
Pam in her two-piece.
Maybe she’d ask him to help her put some sunscreen on. Maybe she’d stand in front of him and peel away her shirt and glance at him from over her bare shoulder and smile at him and say, “be gentle, Toby.”
Maybe for once, he’d feel confident enough to smile back and say, “I’ll try not to be too rough”, as his fingers would smooth the sunscreen across her back and his palms would flatten against the side of her ribcage. Maybe she’d giggle a little, and whisper “that tickles” and he’d laugh and apologise (though he wouldn’t really be sorry at all).
He sighs as he opens his eyes and is confronted with the office walls and the realisation that he isn’t at the beach, that he isn’t smoothing sunscreen on Pam’s back and that she isn’t smiling and laughing and with him.
Toby takes off his hat, resting it on a nearby chair. He makes his way to the bathroom, and he doesn’t even wait for the door to shut behind him before he’s unzipping his fly and taking his cock into his hands.
+
As he makes himself come, muttering “ohpamohpamohpam” repeatedly under his breath, it’s here that he’s glad he’s alone in the office today.
The bathroom walls echo.
+
It’s after four and Toby shuts down his computer. He’s been here all day, by himself, and he thinks now that he deserves a bit of an early mark.
And of course, it’s now that the phone rings.
He strides over to the reception desk (he could have used the phone on his desk to answer the call, he supposes, but Pam’s phone at reception is much nicer) and he answers.
“Hello, Dundler Mifflin.”
“Oh. Toby? Is that you?”
The sound of her voice startles him, and he leans against the counter top, his body heavy. “Pam.” He smiles and starts to say something cheesy like ‘having fun?’ but his brain takes over and instead his brow furrows as he asks, “Is everything okay?”
She sighs and he wishes he could see the breath pass over her lips. “I guess so. I mean, yes. Yes, everything is fine.”
“Good, good.” There’s a pause. “I’m glad.”
Pam laughs a little, and he really wishes he could see her right now. “I don’t know why I called, you know. I assumed you would have gone home hours ago.”
He almost scoffs and says, gone home to what?, but he stops himself and straightens his shoulders, as though she might be able to physically see the way he slumps. “So, why are you calling?”
“I don’t know,” she answers quickly. “I’m bored.”
“Beach Day isn’t living up to it’s reputation this year?”
She sighs again, a little harder and deeper this time. Her voice is flat. “He has me taking notes, Toby.”
There’s no need for her to clarify who she’s talking about. Toby knows better than anyone, right? “On what, Pam?”
“On everything. On everyone. Who says what, who walks where.” Her breath falters, and she clears her throat to continue. “Who has fun with who.”
He scratches nervously at the back of his neck. He can’t remember the last time he’s talked to Pam, one-on-one, for this long. He can list the numerous conversations he’s had with her in his mind, but in the real world? Like this?
It’s been a long, long time.
There’s a pause between them now, and he can hear her breathing on the other line and noise and shouting and festivities in the background. He wonders what it must be like for her there, being excluded and separated from the others and forced to watch on from the outside.
He wants to tell her he knows exactly what she’s feeling.
Instead?
“So, uh. How’s the sunscreen working for you?”
No sooner have the words left his mouth that he winces, cursing himself for his complete and utter lack of charisma.
He hears a snort, and Pam’s voice is so small that he strains to hear her. “I haven’t used it yet, actually. I haven’t even had the chance to use my swimsuit and go in the water.” Her voice deepens as she impersonates Michael, “and then I wouldn’t be able to take notes and I’d be missing important happenings!”
And there’s a laugh and Toby knows that she’s trying to make it a joke; she’s trying to make it funny and make it not matter. But he’s an expert at this, after all, and there’s something in her voice that makes his lungs twist inside of him.
He doesn’t know if he’s talking about her now, or him, or the both of them.
“It’s not fair, Pam.”
“Toby,” she sighs. “It never is.”
♥
fandom: the office
characters: toby, pam, toby/pam
word count: 911
rating: r
spoilers: slight spoilers for 3.23 'beach games'. a missing scene, of sorts
summary: He wonders maybe if he concentrates hard enough, he can pretend that he’s strolling along the beach with the others, the sun beating down and warming his skin.
author’s notes: um, i sort of love toby. and this begged to be written. i can’t help it -- you just know that he spent that entire day thinking of pam, right?
you know how i feel
Toby isn’t one to complain. Complaining doesn’t change anything, after all.
But he will happily admit to the undeniable. And this? This is the undeniable thing here: it’s simply unfair.
+
He wanders the empty office, his hat still perched ontop of his head. He wonders maybe if he concentrates hard enough, he can pretend that he’s strolling along the beach with the others, the sun beating down and warming his skin. He runs his hands along desks as he passes them, closing his eyes and trying, trying to place himself there, in the middle of them all. Maybe even walking beside Pam.
Pam in her two-piece.
Maybe she’d ask him to help her put some sunscreen on. Maybe she’d stand in front of him and peel away her shirt and glance at him from over her bare shoulder and smile at him and say, “be gentle, Toby.”
Maybe for once, he’d feel confident enough to smile back and say, “I’ll try not to be too rough”, as his fingers would smooth the sunscreen across her back and his palms would flatten against the side of her ribcage. Maybe she’d giggle a little, and whisper “that tickles” and he’d laugh and apologise (though he wouldn’t really be sorry at all).
He sighs as he opens his eyes and is confronted with the office walls and the realisation that he isn’t at the beach, that he isn’t smoothing sunscreen on Pam’s back and that she isn’t smiling and laughing and with him.
Toby takes off his hat, resting it on a nearby chair. He makes his way to the bathroom, and he doesn’t even wait for the door to shut behind him before he’s unzipping his fly and taking his cock into his hands.
+
As he makes himself come, muttering “ohpamohpamohpam” repeatedly under his breath, it’s here that he’s glad he’s alone in the office today.
The bathroom walls echo.
+
It’s after four and Toby shuts down his computer. He’s been here all day, by himself, and he thinks now that he deserves a bit of an early mark.
And of course, it’s now that the phone rings.
He strides over to the reception desk (he could have used the phone on his desk to answer the call, he supposes, but Pam’s phone at reception is much nicer) and he answers.
“Hello, Dundler Mifflin.”
“Oh. Toby? Is that you?”
The sound of her voice startles him, and he leans against the counter top, his body heavy. “Pam.” He smiles and starts to say something cheesy like ‘having fun?’ but his brain takes over and instead his brow furrows as he asks, “Is everything okay?”
She sighs and he wishes he could see the breath pass over her lips. “I guess so. I mean, yes. Yes, everything is fine.”
“Good, good.” There’s a pause. “I’m glad.”
Pam laughs a little, and he really wishes he could see her right now. “I don’t know why I called, you know. I assumed you would have gone home hours ago.”
He almost scoffs and says, gone home to what?, but he stops himself and straightens his shoulders, as though she might be able to physically see the way he slumps. “So, why are you calling?”
“I don’t know,” she answers quickly. “I’m bored.”
“Beach Day isn’t living up to it’s reputation this year?”
She sighs again, a little harder and deeper this time. Her voice is flat. “He has me taking notes, Toby.”
There’s no need for her to clarify who she’s talking about. Toby knows better than anyone, right? “On what, Pam?”
“On everything. On everyone. Who says what, who walks where.” Her breath falters, and she clears her throat to continue. “Who has fun with who.”
He scratches nervously at the back of his neck. He can’t remember the last time he’s talked to Pam, one-on-one, for this long. He can list the numerous conversations he’s had with her in his mind, but in the real world? Like this?
It’s been a long, long time.
There’s a pause between them now, and he can hear her breathing on the other line and noise and shouting and festivities in the background. He wonders what it must be like for her there, being excluded and separated from the others and forced to watch on from the outside.
He wants to tell her he knows exactly what she’s feeling.
Instead?
“So, uh. How’s the sunscreen working for you?”
No sooner have the words left his mouth that he winces, cursing himself for his complete and utter lack of charisma.
He hears a snort, and Pam’s voice is so small that he strains to hear her. “I haven’t used it yet, actually. I haven’t even had the chance to use my swimsuit and go in the water.” Her voice deepens as she impersonates Michael, “and then I wouldn’t be able to take notes and I’d be missing important happenings!”
And there’s a laugh and Toby knows that she’s trying to make it a joke; she’s trying to make it funny and make it not matter. But he’s an expert at this, after all, and there’s something in her voice that makes his lungs twist inside of him.
He doesn’t know if he’s talking about her now, or him, or the both of them.
“It’s not fair, Pam.”
“Toby,” she sighs. “It never is.”
♥