So tired
Have swollen glands and am tired out. Yesterday was a laugh in London, I went to bed early last night and slept all the way through and slept some more today and still feel woozy.
Feel the need to censor myself which I am not happy about.
Feel like I am holding back more of me than ever, and I don't feel that is to any benefit to me.
I'm in the life I am in and the choices I have made because that is what I felt was the best thing for me, but now I have reached my limit. What thanks or praise do I get.
Whats the point in giving 110% to get negativity and bullied? How is that a positive future or step forward?
All it has done has put things into the perspective of - I can have a life full of restrictions where I am not trusted or anything positive is going to happen, OR, I can be alone and go and do whatever the fuck I want.
Hmmmm.
What would you choose?
(disclaimer: please don't comment or reply as anything that has been replied to with an opinion will be used against you in the future and will cause me a fuck load of hassle and arguing about free will)
One way is with the person I love and am trying my hardest to make happy (but isn't obviously working and am getting not much in the way of happiness / reward from at the moment) and the second would be hard initially but could be good in the long run.
If I didn't love him so much this wouldn't be hard. But I just want postivity and a bright future to look forward to and I am not getting this despite my best efforts (again), and am worn out and run down and sick of being pulled in many directions and feeling like I can't see or speak to certain people.
(disclaimer 2: I write my feelings on her as unrestricted and as raw as I feel them, I then talk to Fed about everything I write and rationalise it when we are both not as angry, he is not a bad person and this is only one side.)
This is also going on public view
Feel the need to censor myself which I am not happy about.
Feel like I am holding back more of me than ever, and I don't feel that is to any benefit to me.
I'm in the life I am in and the choices I have made because that is what I felt was the best thing for me, but now I have reached my limit. What thanks or praise do I get.
Whats the point in giving 110% to get negativity and bullied? How is that a positive future or step forward?
All it has done has put things into the perspective of - I can have a life full of restrictions where I am not trusted or anything positive is going to happen, OR, I can be alone and go and do whatever the fuck I want.
Hmmmm.
What would you choose?
(disclaimer: please don't comment or reply as anything that has been replied to with an opinion will be used against you in the future and will cause me a fuck load of hassle and arguing about free will)
One way is with the person I love and am trying my hardest to make happy (but isn't obviously working and am getting not much in the way of happiness / reward from at the moment) and the second would be hard initially but could be good in the long run.
If I didn't love him so much this wouldn't be hard. But I just want postivity and a bright future to look forward to and I am not getting this despite my best efforts (again), and am worn out and run down and sick of being pulled in many directions and feeling like I can't see or speak to certain people.
(disclaimer 2: I write my feelings on her as unrestricted and as raw as I feel them, I then talk to Fed about everything I write and rationalise it when we are both not as angry, he is not a bad person and this is only one side.)
This is also going on public view