am i becoming one of those girls...?
i'm worried that i'm becoming one of those girls. the girls that have everything. god i mean, i'm here with people from all different backgrounds and i know exactly how i seem. because i wear oxford shirts and pearls to class? i don't know. because people are surprised that i have my own car at home that just sits there in front of my house when i'm at school...? it's frustrating to convey to people what northern virginia is like....i mean, i feel really privileged to come from such an affluent area, but i don't want people to judge me because of it. do they judge me because my mom sends packages a lot? with valentine's day bags of chocolate, candy, and little goofy things for me and both of my roommates? i just don't want people to resent me because i'm able to charge groceries and dry cleaning to a credit card that my parents pay for...and that they do it voluntarily. and the j.crew and gap cards too. fuck. god. i sound like such a pretentious bitch. jesus. but, in my defense, i only put things on them after running it by my parents. i don't want people here to hate me because i'm able to fly to chicago for our 4 day weekend in february. or just the fact that my parents would rather pay for plane tickets for me (and sometimes my roommates) to fly home 3 or 4 times a year instead of driving....because, let's be honest, no one wants to make that drive. and that i only pack one bag that i don't even check when i go back and forth...and for long breaks i ship numerous boxes back and forth between nova and boston? and after the unfolding of recent events...i just feel like such a bitch. i really just think everyone here thinks i'm one of those girls that has her parents pay for everything....maybe i am. sometimes i think i deserve to live here and be surrounded with amazing people because high school sucked. you know? like, 'what goes around comes around.' like a karma thing? i just...want to feel like i can deserve to be happy. because i am happy. but sometimes i think my parents are crazy. and right now, i think my life is too good to be true.