(no subject)
Author: halfbloodme
Pairing: Catherine/Sara
Disclaimers: The characters are not mine... although the plot bunnies in my head swear otherwise
Title: A New Life
I have no idea how long this will get but I did say I was starting on a full length one
“Do you know where I can find Catherine Willows?” The woman sitting at the computer looked pissed. The brunette CSI could tell that this wasn’t going to be easy.
“She’s out in the field.” Ok, so it was an obvious brush off. This woman didn’t want Sara here. At that precise moment Sara couldn’t fathom why. All she knew was that the strawberry-blond was causing her temperature to rise and her heart rate to increase.
“Let me guess, Sara Sidle?” This was not going well for the new kid on the block.
“I know who I am. I think you’re a little confused.” Humour should help.
“If you think you’re taking my case, forget it.” So there was the reason for the animosity. Catherine felt threatened by Grissom’s decision to bring in the younger CSI.
“Look, we can stand here and argue. Or, we can get out there and find who did this to Holly Gribbs. Two sharp women are better than one.” Catherine’s eyebrows rose. Looking at the kid, she could something her animosity had originally hidden from view. The brunette was attractive and could be quite the catch if she didn’t move in on her territory. Greg would go nuts over her… that was for sure. Then again, Greg went nuts over most women.
As Catherine sat with Nancy in the crowded club, she couldn’t focus on the show in front of her. She was thinking of Sara. The younger CSI would be at Grissom’s by now. Catherine had offered to go with her but Sara refused. She wanted to tell Gil in her own way. If truth be told, Sara was scared. Not of Grissom’s reaction but of the fact she was allowing her feelings to domineer her so vehemently. She had never let her emotions take control, she knew how that could wreck lives. Her parents had shown her that all those years ago. Yet here she was, about to tell her protector that she was leaving him and the relative safety of the life he provided her with for the woman she had fallen head over heels for and the passion she provided. As Grissom answered the door, Sara took a deep breath, “Gil we have to talk.”
He led her into the lounge, offered her a drink. Something was different about her. She was nervous, of that he was certain, but she wasn’t trying to pull down the sleeves of her top and hide the scars. She’d done that ever since he could remember and the absence of the trademark move unsettled him. He could see the more recent lines where the knife (he suspected it was a knife and not a razor) had cut, but there didn’t seem to be any new ones. That was a good thing, at least. He never mentioned how much he hated the sight of them. Never told Sara that he noticed. Although he was sure she knew. He had tried to ignore them. Hoped that if he didn’t say anything she’d stop. Maybe his hopes had come true. He sat down on the chair opposite where Sara stood. She seemed edgy, uncomfortable in his presence.
“You wanted to talk.” He broke the silence.
“Yeah… I… uh… I need to tell you something. I don’t want you to interrupt until I’m done ‘cause I’ll chicken out otherwise.” Grissom nodded to show that he understood. “Thing is, I don’t wanna hurt you, but I’m not gonna lie. I’m ending it Gil.” She averted her eyes to the window. She didn’t want him to see the lack of control in her face.
“I think you know why I’ve got to go. Why I can’t stay. I wish I could say that there wasn’t someone else, but that would be lying and I’ve never been any good at that. I wish I could tell you that you didn’t know them, but you do.” Her eyes focused on the road outside, she didn’t see that Grissom’s face had contorted with a look of resigned acknowledgement.
“I’ve been torn in two for a while now. I’m not even sure you noticed what was going on. You’ve just been so happy to have me on your arm.” Grissom made to interrupt but pulled back at the last minute. She wanted him to let her talk, he’d let her talk.
“Thing is, I haven’t wanted to upset you. But I can’t pretend any longer. I love you, but I’m not in love with you. You’re safe Gil. You’re stable. You’re everything I thought I could ever need. You’re everything I never had, but you’re not everything I want. I’m sorry.” She stopped, turned to face him.
“It’s Catherine isn’t it?” He took it as his cue to talk.
“I… yeah. How’d you know?” Sara was shocked.
“I’ve seen the way she looks at you when she thinks no one’s looking. The way your eyes cloud over when she walks past. You’re trying to hide what you feel, but your body-language betrays you, Sara.” He looked sad. Not angry, not ready to scream, just sad.
“I’m sorry Gil.” She didn’t know what else to say.
“I am too. I’m sorry I’ve caused you so much pain. I’m sure she’ll look after you. I’ll pack your bits, bring them into work for you.” He couldn’t look her in the eye. He just wanted her gone.
“I’ll let myself out.” She grabbed her leather jacket from the sofa and walked out to the car. It wasn’t until she’d driven out of his sight that she allowed the tears to fall. Sara was free.
*
Catherine sat waiting for her as Sara pulled in the drive. She had to force herself not to run to the door at the sound of Sara’s keys in the lock. Instead she sat on the chair, picking at her nails. The anxiety was eating her up inside. From here on in there was no turning back. Not that she wanted to. Catherine had wanted Sara from the first time she saw her. But that original lust had turned into love and with that love came the determination to protect her girl at all costs. Even if it meant losing the longest friendship she had ever had. There were some things that were worth sacrificing. Even Gil.
“Hey, Baby.” Sara wrapped her arms around Catherine’s shoulders from behind. Her voice was quiet, shaky.
“Hey. You want a drink?” Sara looked like she could do with something to steady herself and Catherine definitely could do with one.
“Yeah. We got any beer in the fridge?” Sara flopped onto the couch.
“Yeah. Two secs.” Catherine disappeared into the kitchen and came back with two cool ones. She sat on the coffee table in front of her girlfriend.
“How’d it go?” She needed to know. Her blue eyes full of concern.
“I ended it. Told him that I couldn’t lie anymore. Told him there was someone else. He guessed it was you.” Sara took a long deep swig from the bottle.
“Did you tell him about… about…” Catherine couldn’t bring herself to say it.
“No. I wasn’t ready. How do I tell him that? It was bad enough him finding out that I’ve never really been in love with him. I can’t tell him that.” Sara was exhausted, not defensive.
“Ok, Baby. Ok. What’s say we get to bed? We’ve got a couple of days before we have to see him again. Lindsey isn’t due back until Friday. We both need some rest.” Catherine put down her beer and helped Sara to her feet. She could feel the scars underneath the flimsy top that the brunette was wearing. All empathy she had been feeling for her former boss evaporated.
As she helped Sara into bed and watched her fall asleep, Catherine studied the fragile body of the woman she loved. She knew each individual scar by heart. There were no new ones on her arms. None on her inner thighs. Just a single scratch on the palm of Sara’s left hand. That was new. It wasn’t there before they had separated earlier that evening. “Fuck you Grissom. You’re not gonna hurt my girl again.”
Pairing: Catherine/Sara
Disclaimers: The characters are not mine... although the plot bunnies in my head swear otherwise
Title: A New Life
I have no idea how long this will get but I did say I was starting on a full length one
“Do you know where I can find Catherine Willows?” The woman sitting at the computer looked pissed. The brunette CSI could tell that this wasn’t going to be easy.
“She’s out in the field.” Ok, so it was an obvious brush off. This woman didn’t want Sara here. At that precise moment Sara couldn’t fathom why. All she knew was that the strawberry-blond was causing her temperature to rise and her heart rate to increase.
“Let me guess, Sara Sidle?” This was not going well for the new kid on the block.
“I know who I am. I think you’re a little confused.” Humour should help.
“If you think you’re taking my case, forget it.” So there was the reason for the animosity. Catherine felt threatened by Grissom’s decision to bring in the younger CSI.
“Look, we can stand here and argue. Or, we can get out there and find who did this to Holly Gribbs. Two sharp women are better than one.” Catherine’s eyebrows rose. Looking at the kid, she could something her animosity had originally hidden from view. The brunette was attractive and could be quite the catch if she didn’t move in on her territory. Greg would go nuts over her… that was for sure. Then again, Greg went nuts over most women.
As Catherine sat with Nancy in the crowded club, she couldn’t focus on the show in front of her. She was thinking of Sara. The younger CSI would be at Grissom’s by now. Catherine had offered to go with her but Sara refused. She wanted to tell Gil in her own way. If truth be told, Sara was scared. Not of Grissom’s reaction but of the fact she was allowing her feelings to domineer her so vehemently. She had never let her emotions take control, she knew how that could wreck lives. Her parents had shown her that all those years ago. Yet here she was, about to tell her protector that she was leaving him and the relative safety of the life he provided her with for the woman she had fallen head over heels for and the passion she provided. As Grissom answered the door, Sara took a deep breath, “Gil we have to talk.”
He led her into the lounge, offered her a drink. Something was different about her. She was nervous, of that he was certain, but she wasn’t trying to pull down the sleeves of her top and hide the scars. She’d done that ever since he could remember and the absence of the trademark move unsettled him. He could see the more recent lines where the knife (he suspected it was a knife and not a razor) had cut, but there didn’t seem to be any new ones. That was a good thing, at least. He never mentioned how much he hated the sight of them. Never told Sara that he noticed. Although he was sure she knew. He had tried to ignore them. Hoped that if he didn’t say anything she’d stop. Maybe his hopes had come true. He sat down on the chair opposite where Sara stood. She seemed edgy, uncomfortable in his presence.
“You wanted to talk.” He broke the silence.
“Yeah… I… uh… I need to tell you something. I don’t want you to interrupt until I’m done ‘cause I’ll chicken out otherwise.” Grissom nodded to show that he understood. “Thing is, I don’t wanna hurt you, but I’m not gonna lie. I’m ending it Gil.” She averted her eyes to the window. She didn’t want him to see the lack of control in her face.
“I think you know why I’ve got to go. Why I can’t stay. I wish I could say that there wasn’t someone else, but that would be lying and I’ve never been any good at that. I wish I could tell you that you didn’t know them, but you do.” Her eyes focused on the road outside, she didn’t see that Grissom’s face had contorted with a look of resigned acknowledgement.
“I’ve been torn in two for a while now. I’m not even sure you noticed what was going on. You’ve just been so happy to have me on your arm.” Grissom made to interrupt but pulled back at the last minute. She wanted him to let her talk, he’d let her talk.
“Thing is, I haven’t wanted to upset you. But I can’t pretend any longer. I love you, but I’m not in love with you. You’re safe Gil. You’re stable. You’re everything I thought I could ever need. You’re everything I never had, but you’re not everything I want. I’m sorry.” She stopped, turned to face him.
“It’s Catherine isn’t it?” He took it as his cue to talk.
“I… yeah. How’d you know?” Sara was shocked.
“I’ve seen the way she looks at you when she thinks no one’s looking. The way your eyes cloud over when she walks past. You’re trying to hide what you feel, but your body-language betrays you, Sara.” He looked sad. Not angry, not ready to scream, just sad.
“I’m sorry Gil.” She didn’t know what else to say.
“I am too. I’m sorry I’ve caused you so much pain. I’m sure she’ll look after you. I’ll pack your bits, bring them into work for you.” He couldn’t look her in the eye. He just wanted her gone.
“I’ll let myself out.” She grabbed her leather jacket from the sofa and walked out to the car. It wasn’t until she’d driven out of his sight that she allowed the tears to fall. Sara was free.
*
Catherine sat waiting for her as Sara pulled in the drive. She had to force herself not to run to the door at the sound of Sara’s keys in the lock. Instead she sat on the chair, picking at her nails. The anxiety was eating her up inside. From here on in there was no turning back. Not that she wanted to. Catherine had wanted Sara from the first time she saw her. But that original lust had turned into love and with that love came the determination to protect her girl at all costs. Even if it meant losing the longest friendship she had ever had. There were some things that were worth sacrificing. Even Gil.
“Hey, Baby.” Sara wrapped her arms around Catherine’s shoulders from behind. Her voice was quiet, shaky.
“Hey. You want a drink?” Sara looked like she could do with something to steady herself and Catherine definitely could do with one.
“Yeah. We got any beer in the fridge?” Sara flopped onto the couch.
“Yeah. Two secs.” Catherine disappeared into the kitchen and came back with two cool ones. She sat on the coffee table in front of her girlfriend.
“How’d it go?” She needed to know. Her blue eyes full of concern.
“I ended it. Told him that I couldn’t lie anymore. Told him there was someone else. He guessed it was you.” Sara took a long deep swig from the bottle.
“Did you tell him about… about…” Catherine couldn’t bring herself to say it.
“No. I wasn’t ready. How do I tell him that? It was bad enough him finding out that I’ve never really been in love with him. I can’t tell him that.” Sara was exhausted, not defensive.
“Ok, Baby. Ok. What’s say we get to bed? We’ve got a couple of days before we have to see him again. Lindsey isn’t due back until Friday. We both need some rest.” Catherine put down her beer and helped Sara to her feet. She could feel the scars underneath the flimsy top that the brunette was wearing. All empathy she had been feeling for her former boss evaporated.
As she helped Sara into bed and watched her fall asleep, Catherine studied the fragile body of the woman she loved. She knew each individual scar by heart. There were no new ones on her arms. None on her inner thighs. Just a single scratch on the palm of Sara’s left hand. That was new. It wasn’t there before they had separated earlier that evening. “Fuck you Grissom. You’re not gonna hurt my girl again.”