Yeah...this
"For women, getting angry is socially unacceptable, even when the anger is over violence, discrimination, misogyny, and other forms of oppression. Anger is unacceptable because angry women are women in touch with their passion and power, especially in relation to men, which threatens the entire patriarchal order. It’s unacceptable because it forces men to confront the reality of male privilege and women’s oppression and their involvement in it, even if only as passive beneficiaries. Women’s anger challenges men to acknowledge attempts to trivialize oppression with “I was only kidding.” And women’s anger is unacceptable to men who look to women to take care of them, to prop up their need to feel in control, and to support them in their competition with other men. When women are less than gracious and good-humored about their own oppression, men often feel uncomfortable, embarassed, at a loss, and therefore vulnerable."
Allan G. Johnson (From "The Gender Knot")
This is interesting to me on a personal level. When I examined all of the reasons that my husband gave for divorcing me, invariably, every reason..EVERY REASON...was because I was being "unsupportive" of him.
One of my so called "unsupportive" acts that he became furious with me over happened AFTER he told me he wanted the divorce. At the same time this "unsupportive act" happened, I was locked so deeply into grief that I was self destructive, unable to eat to the point where there were days I was literally dizzy from starvation. He didn't even notice and when I told him, he said, "I'm not around when you eat." Yeah. Right. He never did acknowledge my pain in any way (and still hasn't).
The truth is, in examining the decade and a half of my marriage, the entire household AND the marriage centered around him; his needs, his wants, his diet, his moods.
I am a nurturer by nature; my sister calls me a "caretaker".
Maybe I should have stood up for myself a bit sooner. The marriage would have been over a lot quicker but it would have been worth it.
Allan G. Johnson (From "The Gender Knot")
This is interesting to me on a personal level. When I examined all of the reasons that my husband gave for divorcing me, invariably, every reason..EVERY REASON...was because I was being "unsupportive" of him.
One of my so called "unsupportive" acts that he became furious with me over happened AFTER he told me he wanted the divorce. At the same time this "unsupportive act" happened, I was locked so deeply into grief that I was self destructive, unable to eat to the point where there were days I was literally dizzy from starvation. He didn't even notice and when I told him, he said, "I'm not around when you eat." Yeah. Right. He never did acknowledge my pain in any way (and still hasn't).
The truth is, in examining the decade and a half of my marriage, the entire household AND the marriage centered around him; his needs, his wants, his diet, his moods.
I am a nurturer by nature; my sister calls me a "caretaker".
Maybe I should have stood up for myself a bit sooner. The marriage would have been over a lot quicker but it would have been worth it.