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Some days I can't help thinking about things, and I become overwhelmed by how much I hate this world. I hate the things that are allowed to go on in it. I wish I was a being with the capacity to punish people when they insist on hurting and damaging, and no one can do anything about it. I wish I could help people when no one else will, when no
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GOOD question! Well, what may surprize you is that the foster parents are PART of DHHS! Sometimes outside agencies deal with the foster parents... although not in this case. They're totally managed by DHHS. You may look at them as employees of DHHS. Why would they accuse THEMSELVES of anything? Why would they even investigate?
Besides.... the role that DHHS takes is to remove children. They may have illusions that they're doing it for whatever reason... but that's moot. The fact is they have no power, no ability to change anything unless they can remove children. And without foster parents, they can't remove children. So without foster parents, they have no power whatsoever. They depend on these people. Why rock the boat? Simply because a couple of children may drown? Acceptable losses to them. They haven't considered the kids so far, why should they start now?
3) Evidence of sexual abuse. Well, you see, this one is tricky because DHHS has refused to investigate. You see, a few months ago my son Khan went to the bathroom in a visit, and when I went to wipe his butt I found fresh blood in his stool and a drop of blood coming out of his anus. Now.. for those who dont' know.. the color of the blood means a lot. Dark red could mean it's an old wound. Or that the wound was well inside the colon. Red blood means the cut is fresh... and just inside the rectum. This was blood red.. (watered down a bit from diarreah). So fresh anus wound. Khan was sent to the hospital, I was not allowed to go there, or even to talk to the doctors to tell him of khan's medical history. DHHS has refused to investigate the case any further. At this point, I see Khan for 6 hours a week, and in that time he goes poop a couple times. He's constipated a lot. It appears he's holding it (when he can) until my visit. Why? One possibility is that he has good memories of potty training and so he wants his dad to take him to the bathroom. Another possibility is that he doesn't want OTHER People to ever take him to the bathroom. This also isn't being investigated.
Can I demand a medical examination of the kids? Nope. I can demand nothing. There is nothing whatsoever that I can do to protect my children from DHHS. They answer to no one. They have rules the foster parents are supposed to follow. For example... no smoking within 12 hours of seeing the kids. Yet.. the kids come in all the time with smoke smell... an the foster parents are just saying 'I don't know how it got there'. No one is doing anything. they're breaking their own rules and not caring. How can you fight apathy?
It doesn't come down to money as much as it does power. If this case were handled with any amount of justice.. then the state would have to give up some power. People don't like to do that. Power makes them feel important. Does it matter that the only educated, competent person to examine me has found me to be no threat? Nope. Better to listen to the other people with less credentials and knowledge.
Your last comment is great. DHHS is used as "the boogeyman". "Eat your vegetables or DHHS will come and get you". And they live up to that. Even in my case.. DHHS was called for revenge.. having nothing to do with the kids whatsoever... and they've lived up to their reputation as monsters.
Zeus - god of Kiata
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I agree with Patrick; can you get a lawyer? Ask Pine Tree, they help poor people.
Do you have a job right now? That could be a factor in their choice.
Statistically, 50% of foster kids are returned to their parents.
Covering a kid's mouth is not the best way to deal with a tantrum. In fact, it is best to avoid any sort of physical punishment. Try ignoring the tantrum or placing the kid in time out. What's important is NEVER to reward a tantrum that has already started, ever. Even a small chance of reward greatly encourages behavior. Try to avoid the tantrums in the first place by making sure all needs are met, thirst, hunger, being too hot or cold, tight clothes, etc, can set off tantrums. Reward the kid when he is well behaved.
If not knowing enough about kids were justification for having them taken away, very few people would have kids. But perhaps if you placate their concerns by offering to take a class or something? Do they themselves offer classes? That would make them money, they'd love that.
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I agree... covering the mouth is not generally the best way to handle a tantrum. It happened to be effective with Khan. Doesn't happen to be with Kiata...she's just of a different temperment. Either way it doesn't constitute abuse so it's kind of moot.. but different methodologies work with different children (thankfully khan never had much of a temper tantrum phase anyway).
They've actually said from the beginning that I should take some classes, and yet they at the same time tell me that no classes exist that I don't already have a superior education already. So... if no classes exist that even cover my CURRENT level of education, why exactly do I need more knowledge?
I'm currently taking parenting classes. I know more about this stuff than the teacher. They had to arrange one on one instruction so I wouldn't be held back by other people in a class. She talks about a topic.. and we just start rambling as I talk about various developmental theroies and how they relate to the topic at hand and what I've observed with my children...
But this isn't what DHHS wants. They simply want to have some power for a while. My actions seem rather meaningless to them.
Oh, and the classes dont' make them money. They pay for the counciling and for the parenting class. They just don't seem to listen to what the instructors say or what their opinions are of me... although it IS odd that they expect me to listen to them. (actually I enjoy the class, since it's basically just a conversation about developmental theory and I enjoy the subject. I'm not really learning anything, but it's at least interesting)
Zeus - god of reality
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When I briefly had a caseworker from NOE, they did everything in their power to force me into their NOE day program of classes. Weather the classes could help me or teach me anything was of no importance to them. The classes were not even relevant to me- most of the people in them had substance abuse problems, which were never an issue to me, and many had serious metal handicaps. My problems, anxiety and depression were actually exacerbated by the small, stuffy, crowded classes, filled with new and strangely acting people, many of whom had a poor concept of personal space, filthy surfaces to trigger my ocd, and over powering strong smells. Err, sorry, getting off track. My point was they were doing this to everyone they could get their hands on, by, for example, making taking their classes a requerment for anyone sheltered in their houses, and making it difficult for their charges to find other housing or other wise escape the classes.
Why? Because, the classes make them money.
Everything they do with every person earns them some money, straight from your taxes. Somethings have a higher profit margin than others. It pays to keep people in the system, not to help them get out.
Fortuneately, my next caseworker at Acadia had different priorities, and after I was able to switch other she met my needs quickly and suitably, finding me housing I could afford, and getting me into programs that were actually helpful for my needs.
Anyway, yeah, find out what things make them the most profit for the effort.
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Too true. What a hellish system we have here.
I wonder how many people know that they're lying by saying they're helping anyone, and how many people are stupid enough to believe they actually are helping.
Stupid people who hurt you because they think it's helping are dangerous.
Too bad we're stuck with them. *sigh*
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I advise you to take the classes, sit and listen like everyone else and do as DHS wants you to. If they aren't going to listen to the experts you hirer, than you have to meet the approval of the ones that they hirer. Figure out what they want to hear and see and give them that.
You claim to be an expert on kids, but what proof do you have of that? A degree? Frankly, I'm shocked anyone could earn a degree in any child or behavior related field and still think that physically covering a child's mouth is the best way to to deal with tantrum behavior.
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It does not matter what is done, DHS does not care. They only do whatever they can think of to block every effort, no matter how illogical. Everything with them is the equivalent of "Because I said so." [They could make a Star Trek android explode..]
Zeus has agreed to and done everything they've asked, but they just don't care. He sits in parenting classes, he goes to a psychologist. The psychologist has called him no threat, but DHS won't listen. Even agreeing to all their terms isn't good enough for them. They have set it up so there's no way to win.
There's nothing more for him to do, he does what they ask.
Here's a new example of their completely illogical bullshit:
Zeus requested a video camera be present at his visits. They would not give him one for several months. They didn't want him to have it. Because it would prove he was good with the kids? It would show the condition the kids were in from their poor foster care?
Finally, they gave in, after months, and let him have a video camera going at each visit.
Now, it's all nice and summery out, and Zeus wants to take the kids outside. DHS has decided now that he can no longer take the kids outside, because there's no video camera out there, and the one they use has no batteries. (It probably could have batteries if they wanted to supply any.)
So, first they wouldn't give him a camera at all, didn't want one, and now they won't let him take the kids outdoors because there's no camera there.
How's that for logic?
Makes your head want to explode, doesn't it?
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