driving
so as everyone knows i don't have my license. why? well, i took the road test last year and the guy yelled at me the whole time. he would yell using my name "catherine". and i could do nothing right. everything to him was wrong. needless to say he told me i couldnt drive. i cried the whole way home. i havent been able to take it again since. i have nightmares about it. it makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it. plus my family can't afford the car insurance for me, so bringing my car to school is out of the question.
not being able to drive 8 months out of the year due to a lack of car gives me no incentive to drive. it's pointless because i wont be able to take myself to and from school, i can't get a job, etc. why should i stress myself out over a road test? well my told me if i didn't want to drive for a few years thats ok. i scheduled a road test but if i dont want to take it, i dont have to. then my mom comes home and joins this conversation. she starts yelling at me that after this summer they refuse to drive me anywhere and im completely on my own. what the fuck? how old am i? 29? im only 19 tomorrow! so i start to panic and turn to my dad and he goes "if we can't take you, you'll have to find a ride" which is fine. i have friends who drive me and they know if they need me to, i'll chip in for gas. well my mom turns around and goes "NO! after this summer she's on her own! she has to learn the consequences of this and she is old enough to be on her own!" and she's screaming about this co-dependency crap. WHERE THE FUCK WAS SHE THESE PAST FIVE YEARS?! WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? I DIDNT HAVE A MOTHER FOR GODS SAKE AND I STILL DONT FEEL LIKE I HAVE ONE!
and i cant stop crying, my face is all wet, my pillow is wet. why is it that every year she has to ruin my birthday? the beginning of june comes and she somehow makes me feel like the scum of the earth. and im in my room crying and i can hear her screaming at my dad about how i have to grow up and shit. i wanna leave so bad because of her. if she was gone or if she was back to how she was 6 or 7 years ago i would be fine. but this is so bad sometimes. my brother is so fed up i think he might quit HS and move out. she picks fights with everyone and threatens us, its terrible. i have this feeling inside that i wanna go home but i am home. and i might lose my scholarship so cortland might be out of the question. i dont know what i'll do! i might lose it. i cant do this anymore. im home less than a month and i just wanna die. curl up in a ball and die.
fucking license. if those assholes at the dmv were just a bit nicer i could have taken this road test last summer again and avoided this conflict all together.
i hate my life.
not being able to drive 8 months out of the year due to a lack of car gives me no incentive to drive. it's pointless because i wont be able to take myself to and from school, i can't get a job, etc. why should i stress myself out over a road test? well my told me if i didn't want to drive for a few years thats ok. i scheduled a road test but if i dont want to take it, i dont have to. then my mom comes home and joins this conversation. she starts yelling at me that after this summer they refuse to drive me anywhere and im completely on my own. what the fuck? how old am i? 29? im only 19 tomorrow! so i start to panic and turn to my dad and he goes "if we can't take you, you'll have to find a ride" which is fine. i have friends who drive me and they know if they need me to, i'll chip in for gas. well my mom turns around and goes "NO! after this summer she's on her own! she has to learn the consequences of this and she is old enough to be on her own!" and she's screaming about this co-dependency crap. WHERE THE FUCK WAS SHE THESE PAST FIVE YEARS?! WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? I DIDNT HAVE A MOTHER FOR GODS SAKE AND I STILL DONT FEEL LIKE I HAVE ONE!
and i cant stop crying, my face is all wet, my pillow is wet. why is it that every year she has to ruin my birthday? the beginning of june comes and she somehow makes me feel like the scum of the earth. and im in my room crying and i can hear her screaming at my dad about how i have to grow up and shit. i wanna leave so bad because of her. if she was gone or if she was back to how she was 6 or 7 years ago i would be fine. but this is so bad sometimes. my brother is so fed up i think he might quit HS and move out. she picks fights with everyone and threatens us, its terrible. i have this feeling inside that i wanna go home but i am home. and i might lose my scholarship so cortland might be out of the question. i dont know what i'll do! i might lose it. i cant do this anymore. im home less than a month and i just wanna die. curl up in a ball and die.
fucking license. if those assholes at the dmv were just a bit nicer i could have taken this road test last summer again and avoided this conflict all together.
i hate my life.