(no subject)
so in the last week, i've tried really hard to assess this whole thing with rebecca and kind of live and let god. i mean, im going on a blind date tonight and matt has some girls who are interested... but i dont know.
she hadnt really talked to me much in the last two weeks, so i started getting really upset and angry because i dont like when people shut me out. and randomly on monday she texted me saying she missed me and was sorry for shutting me out then we went to lunch yesterday and talked and it was nice. because i didnt really realize how much i missed her until we sat down and talked. and i understand she is having a hard time with her debt and stuff.
but i feel like there is more too it. ill save that for another time because i have to get ready for tonight.
so, i finally felt that we are much better off as friends and blah blah because thats whats most important to me and i think thats what she wants. but today i saw her and i dont know, i got that stupid pit dropping feeling in my stomach and i realized, im fucked.
god, i dont know what to do. i feel stupid bringing our 'relationship' up again because i did already and i feel embaressed cause i think i totally got shot down with the whole "i dont want a relationship" excuse. whatever. i dont know what to do. but im sure in time, hopefully a very short time, ill be over it. god only knows i probably only want it because she doesnt want me back. im sure if we drink together this weekend, she'll be all over me like she is every time we drink. but thats okay, for now.
First with your hands, then with your mouth.
Downpours of sweat, damp cotton clouds.
I was a fool, you were my friend
We made it happen.
You took off your clothes, left on the light.
You stood there so brave, you used to be shy.
Each feature improved, each movement refined,
And eyes like a show room.
Now they're spreding out the blankets on the beach.
That weather man's a liar, he said it'd be raining,
But it's clear and blue as far as I can see.
Left by the lamp, right next to the bed,
On a cartoon cat pad, she scrached with a pen,
"Everything is as it's always been, this never happened.
Don't take it too bad, it's nothing you did.
Just once something dies, you can't make it live.
You're a beautiful boy, you're a sweet little kid,
But I am a woman."
So I layed back down, wrapped myself up in the sheet.
And I must have looked like a ghost, because something fightened me.
And since then I've been so good at vanishing.
Now I do as I please, and I lie through my teeth.
Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me.
I should probably feel cheap, but I just feel free,
And a little bit empty.
she hadnt really talked to me much in the last two weeks, so i started getting really upset and angry because i dont like when people shut me out. and randomly on monday she texted me saying she missed me and was sorry for shutting me out then we went to lunch yesterday and talked and it was nice. because i didnt really realize how much i missed her until we sat down and talked. and i understand she is having a hard time with her debt and stuff.
but i feel like there is more too it. ill save that for another time because i have to get ready for tonight.
so, i finally felt that we are much better off as friends and blah blah because thats whats most important to me and i think thats what she wants. but today i saw her and i dont know, i got that stupid pit dropping feeling in my stomach and i realized, im fucked.
god, i dont know what to do. i feel stupid bringing our 'relationship' up again because i did already and i feel embaressed cause i think i totally got shot down with the whole "i dont want a relationship" excuse. whatever. i dont know what to do. but im sure in time, hopefully a very short time, ill be over it. god only knows i probably only want it because she doesnt want me back. im sure if we drink together this weekend, she'll be all over me like she is every time we drink. but thats okay, for now.
First with your hands, then with your mouth.
Downpours of sweat, damp cotton clouds.
I was a fool, you were my friend
We made it happen.
You took off your clothes, left on the light.
You stood there so brave, you used to be shy.
Each feature improved, each movement refined,
And eyes like a show room.
Now they're spreding out the blankets on the beach.
That weather man's a liar, he said it'd be raining,
But it's clear and blue as far as I can see.
Left by the lamp, right next to the bed,
On a cartoon cat pad, she scrached with a pen,
"Everything is as it's always been, this never happened.
Don't take it too bad, it's nothing you did.
Just once something dies, you can't make it live.
You're a beautiful boy, you're a sweet little kid,
But I am a woman."
So I layed back down, wrapped myself up in the sheet.
And I must have looked like a ghost, because something fightened me.
And since then I've been so good at vanishing.
Now I do as I please, and I lie through my teeth.
Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me.
I should probably feel cheap, but I just feel free,
And a little bit empty.