Another Goodbye
Yesterday I visited my parents in Moreno Valley and was planning to take them out since I didn’t give them anything for Christmas. Aside from having a hard time to come up with what to get them since they already have too much of everything (clothes, shoes, food, etc.), I then settled for taking them out instead. This also gave me the opportunity to check on the pets mainly our family dog Hannah, since it’s been years when I last visited, perhaps back in 2013. I’ve heard stories like how she “ran away” and they “found” her at the shelter, which clearly means they tried to give her away but decided to take her back. She’s also been in and out of the vet once in a while so I was a bit worried.
As far as I can remember the last time I took her out for a walk was back in 2011 during my visits every weekend when my Aunt’s health was declining from lung cancer and my dad was by himself at home. This was one of those times I wanted to yell at my mom, brother, and oldest sister for going to the Philippines for my mom’s classmate reunion and leaving my dad in that state. While comforting him and listening to his vent, I would look after the pets as well. I would drive there early morning on Saturday, sleep over that night, and head back to OC on Sunday night. In the mornings I would take Hannah out for a walk and spend most of the afternoon with my dad. The cat Vivi pretty much had his own agenda but the parrot Marlowe needed some attention. Now Marlowe can’t even remember me.
The last time I saw Hannah back in 2013 she was in good health. When I saw her yesterday morning, I knew they had to put her to sleep soon. She looked very malnourished and very weak despite how clean her food and water bowls were or how comfortable her bed was. I came early hoping I would take her out for a walk but instead I was telling my parents how they should put her to sleep to end her suffering. My dad told me he’s been giving her medicine and hasn’t eating much while my mom said she’s a strong dog and is fighting for her life… This makes me think of the time when my mom constantly told me to put Ash to sleep and yet she doesn’t want to put her dog to sleep who clearly needed it. It finally sunk in when I told them how I lost Ash (he stopped eating and he’s old) and that how would my sister Annabeth be able to handle things by herself if Hannah passed away while they (my parents) are in the Philippines. Once the seed has been planted, I didn’t push it any further and told my other sisters about the situation. They agreed with my approach.
We ate a Korean BBQ and I pretty much had one hell of an appetite since I was fighting off a cold. Stupid cold has been with me the whole week. We talked more when we got home and by 5PM, I told them I better head home. I went out to say my final good bye to Hannah and found her sleeping under the lemon tree. I thought I was unusual how she would sleep under the tree instead of inside her house due to the cold weather but she looked so peaceful. At the same time there was this weird feeling. I petted her and the moment I touched her, I knew she was gone. My dad and I told Annabeth and couldn’t tell our mom since she was sleeping. My mom later on found out when my dad and I were preparing her burial. Despite how she reacted a bit indifferent, I knew she was hurt by the way she kept herself busy. My sister did the same thing too. I talked my mom through the process since she was worried about what the vet would think. Somehow she was thinking about telling them that Hannah ran away again but I told her that if the vet already suggested of putting her to sleep on her last visit, then I’m pretty sure they know Hannah didn’t have much time left. I assured her they won’t get in trouble if they took care of the body themselves. She’ll just have to let them know so they won’t have to call her for a checkup follow up.
My dad and I wrapped Hannah with her favorite blanket and laid her to rest. Both my mom and sister couldn’t bare to see her being buried so they stayed in the house. I didn’t stay for dinner since I didn't want to stay out late and get any sicker. Besides, I think they need to mourn by themselves. On the way home I cried a little remembering the time when I used to walk her to Box Springs Regional Park. We would go up on the hill where I used to hike with my cousins when we were kids. Now the memory of being up there by myself with Hannah is another nostalgic memory. Walking her through different trails was always therapeutic for me, from when I was broken hearted from a break up to losing my aunt. She was a very good dog.
This morning is when it really sunk in that she’s gone. There was an overwhelming sense of guilt (the same with Ash) of how I should’ve done more for her. I should’ve walked her more when I was still living at my parent’s house back in college. I should’ve visited more and played with her on the last and the year before instead of waiting until now. It’s when I saw Hiroshi did the feelings really came out. I told him she was the nicest dog I’ve ever met and how I wished I appreciated her more. He cheered me up saying at least I had a chance to say my goodbyes, how I helped both Hannah and my parents with her burial, and that she’s in a better place now. I know he’s right but goodbyes are always hard whether you’re not ready or think you are especially when Hannah was a good dog. Still, she looked so peaceful sleeping under the lemon tree. Rest in Peace Hannah.
As far as I can remember the last time I took her out for a walk was back in 2011 during my visits every weekend when my Aunt’s health was declining from lung cancer and my dad was by himself at home. This was one of those times I wanted to yell at my mom, brother, and oldest sister for going to the Philippines for my mom’s classmate reunion and leaving my dad in that state. While comforting him and listening to his vent, I would look after the pets as well. I would drive there early morning on Saturday, sleep over that night, and head back to OC on Sunday night. In the mornings I would take Hannah out for a walk and spend most of the afternoon with my dad. The cat Vivi pretty much had his own agenda but the parrot Marlowe needed some attention. Now Marlowe can’t even remember me.
The last time I saw Hannah back in 2013 she was in good health. When I saw her yesterday morning, I knew they had to put her to sleep soon. She looked very malnourished and very weak despite how clean her food and water bowls were or how comfortable her bed was. I came early hoping I would take her out for a walk but instead I was telling my parents how they should put her to sleep to end her suffering. My dad told me he’s been giving her medicine and hasn’t eating much while my mom said she’s a strong dog and is fighting for her life… This makes me think of the time when my mom constantly told me to put Ash to sleep and yet she doesn’t want to put her dog to sleep who clearly needed it. It finally sunk in when I told them how I lost Ash (he stopped eating and he’s old) and that how would my sister Annabeth be able to handle things by herself if Hannah passed away while they (my parents) are in the Philippines. Once the seed has been planted, I didn’t push it any further and told my other sisters about the situation. They agreed with my approach.
We ate a Korean BBQ and I pretty much had one hell of an appetite since I was fighting off a cold. Stupid cold has been with me the whole week. We talked more when we got home and by 5PM, I told them I better head home. I went out to say my final good bye to Hannah and found her sleeping under the lemon tree. I thought I was unusual how she would sleep under the tree instead of inside her house due to the cold weather but she looked so peaceful. At the same time there was this weird feeling. I petted her and the moment I touched her, I knew she was gone. My dad and I told Annabeth and couldn’t tell our mom since she was sleeping. My mom later on found out when my dad and I were preparing her burial. Despite how she reacted a bit indifferent, I knew she was hurt by the way she kept herself busy. My sister did the same thing too. I talked my mom through the process since she was worried about what the vet would think. Somehow she was thinking about telling them that Hannah ran away again but I told her that if the vet already suggested of putting her to sleep on her last visit, then I’m pretty sure they know Hannah didn’t have much time left. I assured her they won’t get in trouble if they took care of the body themselves. She’ll just have to let them know so they won’t have to call her for a checkup follow up.
My dad and I wrapped Hannah with her favorite blanket and laid her to rest. Both my mom and sister couldn’t bare to see her being buried so they stayed in the house. I didn’t stay for dinner since I didn't want to stay out late and get any sicker. Besides, I think they need to mourn by themselves. On the way home I cried a little remembering the time when I used to walk her to Box Springs Regional Park. We would go up on the hill where I used to hike with my cousins when we were kids. Now the memory of being up there by myself with Hannah is another nostalgic memory. Walking her through different trails was always therapeutic for me, from when I was broken hearted from a break up to losing my aunt. She was a very good dog.
This morning is when it really sunk in that she’s gone. There was an overwhelming sense of guilt (the same with Ash) of how I should’ve done more for her. I should’ve walked her more when I was still living at my parent’s house back in college. I should’ve visited more and played with her on the last and the year before instead of waiting until now. It’s when I saw Hiroshi did the feelings really came out. I told him she was the nicest dog I’ve ever met and how I wished I appreciated her more. He cheered me up saying at least I had a chance to say my goodbyes, how I helped both Hannah and my parents with her burial, and that she’s in a better place now. I know he’s right but goodbyes are always hard whether you’re not ready or think you are especially when Hannah was a good dog. Still, she looked so peaceful sleeping under the lemon tree. Rest in Peace Hannah.
