Membership Vote, "Journey"

[pocketfullof]

We have a new candidate for membership! As usual, only members may vote in the poll, but comments and feedback are welcome from everyone. I know our anonymous author would love to hear what you think.

Title: Journey
Author: Anonymous
Rating: PG
Summary: A trip to Muggle London helps Harry put his life back together.
Words: 1800

Comments

[snuggle_muggle]

I didn't hate this story or anything, but I felt like it had a few areas where it could be improved. First of all, I didn't think the characterization was really quite "there." Harry having tears in his eyes, for example, at the end of the story seemed a bit overdone and I thought Molly at the beginning was not realistic. Also, perhaps more seriously, there didn't really seem to be much of a "problem" that had to be conquered in the course of the story. Was it Ron? Was it Harry's fame? Was it Molly's paranoia? We never really know, so there is no satisfactory conclusion. I would suggest a rewrite after a serious analysis of what exactly you want the problem that's keeping them apart to be, then write the story so they can overcome it. Avoid sappy or weak characterizations in the process and then the ending will be much more satisfactory with us really caring about Harry and Ginny's triumph over the odds. Hope this helps.

PS: Sudoku? When was that invented? It seems to me that it was a lot later than 1998 or 1999 though I could be wrong. In any case, that seemed gratuitous and silly. Just have her reading. She's not the focus of the story (at least in this version) and it was too much attention on Hermione for no reason at all.