New years resolution
My goal this next upcoming year is to pretty much not have a repeat of this past year. While memories were great, made a LOT of new friends (some good, some bad), and tried things I never would have; consequently I was not myself through most of the year. In the end, I just ended up destroying myself in my perspective, pushing away most of my family, and just trying to live the life I thought I wanted. While I AM pretty much over some things, it still pains when I think of good times, then how the bad and REALLY bad influenced them. For now, I know I have to take some time to rebuild, and soul search for myself again.
All in all: I plan to stay single (so I can find myself, and recover from the trauma I've been put through), to ground myself a little more and try to prevent myself from becoming a horrified ball of anxiety. I plan to find a job so I can start relying on MYSELF, as an adult should rather than ask others for aid (though, this will be hard seeing the current economic status of our state). I need a little growing up to do, I'm not sure how, and it'd be nice to have some help on the way, but I feel at nineteen...I act more like an eccentric puppy (though, of course, I know that is who I am when having fun, and therefore do not need to lose that side completely). Finally, if not more, I need to learn how to fucking drive, and drive. I feel bad that my anxiety is so much a bother, that I can't drive alone at times...let alone the thought of driving on the freeway/interstate period. I've had a whole year of driving, and while still new...I just need to get my foot in the door. The person who WAS helping didn't help much by putting me behind the wheel of a vehicle I myself wasn't comfortable with (when the thing can hit 180, and you're used to an old toyota pickup...it IS actually being green).
Hopefully with new years, and the vacation I SO FUCKING desperately need at Further Confusion, I can move on to better, healthier, happier things.
All in all: I plan to stay single (so I can find myself, and recover from the trauma I've been put through), to ground myself a little more and try to prevent myself from becoming a horrified ball of anxiety. I plan to find a job so I can start relying on MYSELF, as an adult should rather than ask others for aid (though, this will be hard seeing the current economic status of our state). I need a little growing up to do, I'm not sure how, and it'd be nice to have some help on the way, but I feel at nineteen...I act more like an eccentric puppy (though, of course, I know that is who I am when having fun, and therefore do not need to lose that side completely). Finally, if not more, I need to learn how to fucking drive, and drive. I feel bad that my anxiety is so much a bother, that I can't drive alone at times...let alone the thought of driving on the freeway/interstate period. I've had a whole year of driving, and while still new...I just need to get my foot in the door. The person who WAS helping didn't help much by putting me behind the wheel of a vehicle I myself wasn't comfortable with (when the thing can hit 180, and you're used to an old toyota pickup...it IS actually being green).
Hopefully with new years, and the vacation I SO FUCKING desperately need at Further Confusion, I can move on to better, healthier, happier things.