Where did all the time go?
Chenbaek / Baekchen
Summary:
When they were fifteen, they met each other for the first time in the principal’s office. In the blink of an eye, their life had passed. Where did all the time go? / An angst chenbaek story with no fuss.
When they were fifteen, they met each other for the first time in the principal’s office. Not knowing the other’s name, Baekhyun and Jongdae found solidarity with each other as the principal lectured them on the importance of punctuality. Since then, they struck up a steady friendship as they continuously found themselves in the same predicament: listening to the droning lectures delivered by the principal in the late mornings.
When they were eighteen, they became roommates and bunkmates in university. On their first night of moving in, Baekhyun fell asleep in Jongdae’s bunk. In the darkness, he whispered he was already home sick but he thinks he might be alright because Jongdae made him feel at home. Jongdae was about to tease his friend, until he saw how genuine Baekhyun looked and he bit his words back. They woke up next morning in each other’s arms. Despite the heavy teasing from their other two roommates, they were glad they had each other.
When they were nineteen, they experienced their first hangover together. Baekhyun learned that soju was not a man’s best friend and Jongdae learned that giving his best friend soju was possibly the worst decision of his life. While both youth tenderly nursed their headaches with salty tomato juice, Jongdae remembered first of the kiss they shared and the feeling of his lips touching Baekhyun’s. Moments later, Baekhyun also remembered and turned to stare at Jongdae with wide eyes. Their faces turned red like the glasses of tomato juice in their hands.
When they were twenty-two, they moved in together into a dingy one bedroom apartment. Baekhyun constantly complained of how small the space was but a silly smile was never absent from his glowing face. Jongdae promised that one day they will get a bigger place and he reassured his boyfriend they will soon be better off. But for now, they were together, side by side, in love, and that was all that mattered. Even if they have to hide their love from their families and from society, nothing in the world could break them apart. They were happy and that was enough.
When they were twenty-eight, they found themselves in a bigger place but wondered if they really were better off. Jongdae stared at the phone in his hand and waited. Baekhyun knelt in front of his parents with his phone discarded by his side. His mom was crying and his dad was shouting. Jongdae wondered if Baekhyun was suffering right now like he did previously; he wondered if his boyfriend’s parents will ever understand. Baekhyun shut his eyes and tried to tune out the crying and the screaming, thinking back to when Jongdae came home with a sad smile; my parents disowned me, he had said. They wondered if they were making the right decision.
When they were thirty-three, they parted ways. Baekhyun’s mother was dying and as her dying wish, he married a girl through arranged marriage. Jongdae moved away to another city on the day of his marriage. Neither of them cried on their last night together. He simply hugged him and whispered “I know you will be fine”. He hugged him back and whispered “I know I won’t, not without you”. Those were their last words to each other. The next day, Baekhyun made a lifetime promise to someone else.
When they were forty-seven, Baekhyun was shocked when he ran into Jongdae on the street with his son. Jongdae was almost unchanged, still all smiles and still alone. Baekhyun’s wife wondered why her husband was so shaken after he returned home. Jongdae sat by his bed and stared blankly at the photo of their younger selves in his hand. Thinking back to the boy that held so much resemblance of his father, Jongdae smiled bitterly to himself. Locked away in his study and overwhelmed by memories and regret, Baekhyun wiped away tears that would not stop falling.
When they were sixty-five, Jongdae patted his hand over Baekhyun’s shaking ones at his wife’s funeral. Death is inevitable, he said calmly; we will all die one day, he said. He looked over at his face with similar faint lines of wrinkles and suddenly tears rolled down his pale cheeks. Without meeting his gaze, Jongdae comforted him. Looking at his greying hair, Baekhyun closed his eyes and choked back his words, letting more tears free fall. He wanted to tell him he was crying because suddenly, death became too real; Baekhyun’s tear could not stop because he knew one day, Jongdae too will die.
When he was seventy-six, he was already cold in the ground. Silently, he placed a single white rose on the gravestone and walked away with red rimmed eyes. He had already run out of the courage and strength to cry. Whispering into the wind, Baekhyun mumbled his name: Kim Jongdae; a friend, a lover and the one he won’t let himself forget.
Where did all the time go? In the blink of an eye, their lives had passed.