I Once Said, "Only on the Eighth Day of the Week."
The bad thing about working for a chiropractor is that he believes I need adjusted as well. Of course I have that pesky little partially dislocated shoulder from, oh about eleven years ago. He heard it pop and started writing out the x-ray referral then and there; you know it's a bad sign when a chiropractor hears it from across the room and shudders with, "That just sounds like it hurt."
So I had my x-rays done today. When they found out that I was working for him, I got to cut a two hour wait time, which was made even better by a seven year old boy whining loudly, "But mommy~~~~! We were here first~~~!" Ohohoho, indeed. The person who took me back was probably a year or two older than myself and perfectly pleasant. Had me snickering when she said, "Go ahead and strip. I'll be waiting right outside for you." Oh really? Will you now?
It should also be pointed out that I hadn't had much sleep, it was an AM appointment on my day off, and I'm PMSing and shouldn't be allowed to interact with women who aren't Lily. Thus, my mood was rather...scattered.
She comes over to me with one of those lead blankets and looks at me and asks the lovely standard question that I hate having to do the math on, so I figured three weeks sounded like a good answer. She narrows her eyes, raises her eyebrows and asks, "So~~~is there any chance that you could be pregnant?"
....
See, the thing is, this is the same place that I went to for an ultrasound for internal damage and while I was on the table, equipment in place, the older woman asked, "So are you excited about being pregnant?" Considering I had never even had sex at that point, it was a hell of a question to be asked. "Sorry, I'm just so used to asking women that with this procedure!" was her defense.
Thus this time, when I was asked, I curtly say, "No," and wanted to move on because I got cold.
She crosses her arms, gives me a dubious look, and asks in that certain tone of voice that never fails to rile me up, "Are you sure?"
I swear I didn't mean to say what I did, it just kind of slipped out in a vaguely harsh tone, "Considering I haven't been fucked in over three years, yeah, I'm sure." Realizing that the woman was just doing her job, I back peddle to a minor extent with a kinder, "...huh. That came out more bitter than expected, sorry about that. Well, I guess it was either that answer or I was going to tell you I was a lesbian."
Why I said that, I still have no friggin' clue. She waited for a heartbeat before asking, "...are you a lesbian?"
She was apparently disappointed that the answer was, "No." And while I thought fucking with her head and saying I had a female for a husband (Love you if you're reading this~~~but you already knew that), I decided I had probably had enough unintentional fun with the woman. Although I couldn't resist being evil when she started fondling positioning moving my shoulder and asked, "So why are you here?" She had one hand on my arm, her other on my lower back (hey, guess what? Not part of the exam!) and I oh-so-casually popped my shoulder as I lightly replied, "For that." When she asked how it happened, I told her I fell out of bed--which was true. When she asked what I was doing at the time...let's just say that I didn't have to say a single word and she was blushing like hell. Ahahaha, that was more entertaining than it should have been. Yay for ambiguously perverse smirking! If she only knew it was while I was reading a book. ::laughs::
Did I mention she offered to help me get dressed when I was done?
Never a dull moment in the life of me, ne? In other news, turns out my shoulder is almost completely dislocated. My dad's on one hell of a self-imposed guilt trip, needless to say. I told him not to look at the images, but he wouldn't listen; he liked the computer program the images are displayed in on the CD-R they gave me. And hey, it turns out that my neck is really fucked up, which was news to me. The doctor just keeps staring at me in shock and asking in disbelief, "You're not in any pain? You don't have any migraines? You really don't have any complaints about your neck at all?" Turns out two of my vertebrae are pointed in the completely opposite direction of where they should be and I've no clue how that happened. Can't wait to hear what he's going to say about the results, haha. I'm going to be lucky if I don't have to go back for an MRI and more x-rays of the rest of my spine and my hand, I swear.
Wonder who takes me back next time? ::snickers::
So I had my x-rays done today. When they found out that I was working for him, I got to cut a two hour wait time, which was made even better by a seven year old boy whining loudly, "But mommy~~~~! We were here first~~~!" Ohohoho, indeed. The person who took me back was probably a year or two older than myself and perfectly pleasant. Had me snickering when she said, "Go ahead and strip. I'll be waiting right outside for you." Oh really? Will you now?
It should also be pointed out that I hadn't had much sleep, it was an AM appointment on my day off, and I'm PMSing and shouldn't be allowed to interact with women who aren't Lily. Thus, my mood was rather...scattered.
She comes over to me with one of those lead blankets and looks at me and asks the lovely standard question that I hate having to do the math on, so I figured three weeks sounded like a good answer. She narrows her eyes, raises her eyebrows and asks, "So~~~is there any chance that you could be pregnant?"
....
See, the thing is, this is the same place that I went to for an ultrasound for internal damage and while I was on the table, equipment in place, the older woman asked, "So are you excited about being pregnant?" Considering I had never even had sex at that point, it was a hell of a question to be asked. "Sorry, I'm just so used to asking women that with this procedure!" was her defense.
Thus this time, when I was asked, I curtly say, "No," and wanted to move on because I got cold.
She crosses her arms, gives me a dubious look, and asks in that certain tone of voice that never fails to rile me up, "Are you sure?"
I swear I didn't mean to say what I did, it just kind of slipped out in a vaguely harsh tone, "Considering I haven't been fucked in over three years, yeah, I'm sure." Realizing that the woman was just doing her job, I back peddle to a minor extent with a kinder, "...huh. That came out more bitter than expected, sorry about that. Well, I guess it was either that answer or I was going to tell you I was a lesbian."
Why I said that, I still have no friggin' clue. She waited for a heartbeat before asking, "...are you a lesbian?"
She was apparently disappointed that the answer was, "No." And while I thought fucking with her head and saying I had a female for a husband (Love you if you're reading this~~~but you already knew that), I decided I had probably had enough unintentional fun with the woman. Although I couldn't resist being evil when she started fondling positioning moving my shoulder and asked, "So why are you here?" She had one hand on my arm, her other on my lower back (hey, guess what? Not part of the exam!) and I oh-so-casually popped my shoulder as I lightly replied, "For that." When she asked how it happened, I told her I fell out of bed--which was true. When she asked what I was doing at the time...let's just say that I didn't have to say a single word and she was blushing like hell. Ahahaha, that was more entertaining than it should have been. Yay for ambiguously perverse smirking! If she only knew it was while I was reading a book. ::laughs::
Did I mention she offered to help me get dressed when I was done?
Never a dull moment in the life of me, ne? In other news, turns out my shoulder is almost completely dislocated. My dad's on one hell of a self-imposed guilt trip, needless to say. I told him not to look at the images, but he wouldn't listen; he liked the computer program the images are displayed in on the CD-R they gave me. And hey, it turns out that my neck is really fucked up, which was news to me. The doctor just keeps staring at me in shock and asking in disbelief, "You're not in any pain? You don't have any migraines? You really don't have any complaints about your neck at all?" Turns out two of my vertebrae are pointed in the completely opposite direction of where they should be and I've no clue how that happened. Can't wait to hear what he's going to say about the results, haha. I'm going to be lucky if I don't have to go back for an MRI and more x-rays of the rest of my spine and my hand, I swear.
Wonder who takes me back next time? ::snickers::