(no subject)
so I love chris. with all of my heart, but I can't sit around waiting for the kid to get rid of his commitment issues. I mean he tells me he loves me, and then he is infatuated me for like a week or two, and then gets bored, tells me to go away, I ignore him, 2 weeks go by, and he says he loves me again. its like this vicious cycle that won't go away. so we were in the infatuation part, leading to the gets bored thing, and there's no rule about me hooking up with other people. we weren't dating, so there was nothing wrong with it. so I go out with this gorgeous kid, and I hook up with him and stuff, and we have an amazing time, we always do. so I get home today, talk to chris for a bit, and then im mad about roller kimmie, and find out that its cool that I hooked up with him, so I tell chris that I did. then he starts flipping out. saying I was trying to make him jealous. and I'm like are you kidding me, if you want me to keep my hands to myself, you have to ask me out, and make sure that im tied down to you, im not going to wait for someone that has committment issues, to get their act together forever. so he's supposed to come see me in august, I guess he's not now. I feel really bad because I really really do love him. its just that like im a teenager, I like sex, I mean there's not much more you could want from me. if he's going to tell me that he loves me all of the time and not do anything about it....then i'm not going to sit and wait for him. if he had asked me out, I wouldn't have done it, but I was free to do as I pleased, so I did it. now according to him, we're officially over for good, and he doesn't want to talk to me ever again. so I fucked up pretty badly. but you know what i'm kinda not sorry that I went out with the other guy, because he's so amazing, and I love spending time with him, regardless of what we do. I just feel stupid now, because I actually care about chris, and even if he doesn't want to be with me like that, over something as stupid as this, I still want to be friends with him, and I don't want him to be mad at me. I guess its my fault for thinking it wouldn't anger chris, that I hooked up with him. but I was free to do it, so I still don't understand why he's so angry, I mean angry is one thing, completely disowning me is a totally different ball game. which severely sucks. I dunno. I had so much fun last night, it was so amazing, and I had the best time, and I would date him in a second, but he's not big on relationships right now, and chris ran through my mind, but I thought, we're not together, I can do this, i'm going to tell him, because I don't want to hide things, and he probably had fun on his date that morning, so I figured it would be ok. but now my great night of amazingness has been officially turned into something thats really stressing me out and making me feel sick and cry, and I hate crying. I wish things hadn't turned out this way, I wish I had never gotten re-involved with chris. thats what I get for trying to fix a 2 year relationship that I totally fucked up. I think im definitely just going to start living in my room and never going out. maybe that way, I won't cause so much fucking drama. because thats all that I happen to draw in anymore.
this. fucking. sucks.
♥ katie.
this. fucking. sucks.
♥ katie.