Loneliness
Today is really hard for me. I've been thinking a lot about my upcoming surgery. It will be my first surgery without my mom around to check up on me and keep the hospital on their toes. My husband will probably have to work and not be able to be with me when I'm in recovery. I hope I don't have to stay in the hospital too long. It's hard enough being in a strange city much less a whole new country. I really miss my home right now. There I have friends I can call and go and have dinner with. People who come over and play games or just talk all night.
I don't have that here; at least not yet. I'm trying, I really am. I am reaching out to anyone who reaches out to me. I feel sort of desperate and I think that puts people off but I don't mean to. I just want to matter to someone besides my husband. I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out how to make friends in this city. There seems to be a problem in the fact I don't really drink alcohol. I don't mind if others do I just choose not to. Maybe I'll try posting in a few more forums and see if that helps. I haven't tried posting in any of the anime forums and that is my only other passion besides video games.
I just feel so isolated right now and I don't know what I can do about it. Usually I'm fine on my own. I grew up the only child and the only grandchild on both sides so I know what it is like to be alone. My family moved around a lot and I never got the nack for making friends. I was always the new kid, the outsider who never quite found a niche. I admit now some of it was my fault. As the years went on I became so sore from being rejected that I just pushed everyone away. If I pushed them away first they had no chance to reject me.
I've spent most of my life looking for a place I fit in. My husband was the first man who ever accepted me for who I am as a complete person. We have our problems like any married couple but we both lean on each other for support and often feel like it is us versus the world. I won't like these feelings overwhelm me though and I won't stop trying to find friends and find my place in the world I live in. I know it is out there I just need to find it.
I don't have that here; at least not yet. I'm trying, I really am. I am reaching out to anyone who reaches out to me. I feel sort of desperate and I think that puts people off but I don't mean to. I just want to matter to someone besides my husband. I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out how to make friends in this city. There seems to be a problem in the fact I don't really drink alcohol. I don't mind if others do I just choose not to. Maybe I'll try posting in a few more forums and see if that helps. I haven't tried posting in any of the anime forums and that is my only other passion besides video games.
I just feel so isolated right now and I don't know what I can do about it. Usually I'm fine on my own. I grew up the only child and the only grandchild on both sides so I know what it is like to be alone. My family moved around a lot and I never got the nack for making friends. I was always the new kid, the outsider who never quite found a niche. I admit now some of it was my fault. As the years went on I became so sore from being rejected that I just pushed everyone away. If I pushed them away first they had no chance to reject me.
I've spent most of my life looking for a place I fit in. My husband was the first man who ever accepted me for who I am as a complete person. We have our problems like any married couple but we both lean on each other for support and often feel like it is us versus the world. I won't like these feelings overwhelm me though and I won't stop trying to find friends and find my place in the world I live in. I know it is out there I just need to find it.