(no subject)
jon and tom came to see me this morning, at 530.
it was absolutely wonderful, until i cried
everything is wrong. everything. it really is funny how it all works out in the end, hm.
i don't know what made me cry, and i can't exactly put my finger on it because i'm scared of the truth.
i don't want it to be how it was, it can't work like that. i'm such an emotional wreck, seeing him go was like, pain in it's finest form. there's a huge unfillable pit in my stomach, i don't know what i want or where i'm headed or what's missing and it burns and i just want it to go away.
where is the closure that i need to find so desperately
why does god keep dangling carrots in front of my face
why can't i be the one who gets whatever they want, what do i have to do, why am i always the one being let down?
why can't i just live my fucking life without worry or regret or fear
and why am i such a glutton for punishment
why am i such a fucking misery
i hate not knowing at all
and i hate what i am and what i'm becoming
and i'm gonna be the crazy cat lady down the street who grows old alone and you'll warn your kids not to go trick-or-treating at my house
peace
it was absolutely wonderful, until i cried
everything is wrong. everything. it really is funny how it all works out in the end, hm.
i don't know what made me cry, and i can't exactly put my finger on it because i'm scared of the truth.
i don't want it to be how it was, it can't work like that. i'm such an emotional wreck, seeing him go was like, pain in it's finest form. there's a huge unfillable pit in my stomach, i don't know what i want or where i'm headed or what's missing and it burns and i just want it to go away.
where is the closure that i need to find so desperately
why does god keep dangling carrots in front of my face
why can't i be the one who gets whatever they want, what do i have to do, why am i always the one being let down?
why can't i just live my fucking life without worry or regret or fear
and why am i such a glutton for punishment
why am i such a fucking misery
i hate not knowing at all
and i hate what i am and what i'm becoming
and i'm gonna be the crazy cat lady down the street who grows old alone and you'll warn your kids not to go trick-or-treating at my house
peace