i think it's a girl thing
yesterday I was reading a friends journal about friends and true friendship, and how he didn't really have any friends in HS and it's only since college that he's found people that he can honestly say he'll keep in touch with for the rest of his life. and it got me thinking about my own friendships. There are those were you say you're friends and you'll stay in touch, but you never do. Or only one of you even tries to stay in touch. I think those are the ones I hate the most, cause I always seem to be the only one even trying. But there are also the friends that you spend crazy amounts of time with when you're in the same city, but put any distance in there and you hardly speak. Or the friends that you can spend hours with in person, but on the phone or on-line it's nothing but dead air. But then there are those few friends who you talk to all the time no matter what, or at least attempt to considering busy schedules. Those friends who know those deep dark secrets that you don't tell anyone, except for maybe the occasional over paid therapist. And sometimes it's strange who we open up to, those few people who really seem to get you.
For me it's sad that those few people who I enjoy talking to the most are no wear near louisiana and I have to travel half way across the country to see. This becomes especially painful during those trying times in life when you really need a support system. And I just it was just think about all this and other stuff that when I was talking to Austin later that night that I was almost in tears. I realized how much of an affect I've had on him (I know you're reading this somewhere Austin, loves ya etc) and others. But I seriously was almost in tears, you know the eyes all watery and you noise starts to sniffle. I think it also has to do with having a little too much on my plate right now. The whole having a great paying job that I'm really unhappy with but I would feel guilty about quiting. On top of that two other jobs, one that doesn't pay but I love and wish training would hurry up so I could actually start working. Trying to study for the GRE and figuring out what I want to do for grad school. Living back home and not having my own place. Then there's the dance lessons, working out, yoga, tennis, hanging with friends, soon to be volley ball, relationships, or the lack there of, and still trying to deal with my mother and family shit. Wednesday is the only weeknight where I'm even home most of the evening. Now I'm not saying that I don't really enjoy doing most of these things, especially the extra curricular stuff, but i think I'm starting to spread myself to thin.
So talking to Austin I think I almost broke, and knowing that those people who I'd most like to have around can't be here, left me a little teary-eyed
For me it's sad that those few people who I enjoy talking to the most are no wear near louisiana and I have to travel half way across the country to see. This becomes especially painful during those trying times in life when you really need a support system. And I just it was just think about all this and other stuff that when I was talking to Austin later that night that I was almost in tears. I realized how much of an affect I've had on him (I know you're reading this somewhere Austin, loves ya etc) and others. But I seriously was almost in tears, you know the eyes all watery and you noise starts to sniffle. I think it also has to do with having a little too much on my plate right now. The whole having a great paying job that I'm really unhappy with but I would feel guilty about quiting. On top of that two other jobs, one that doesn't pay but I love and wish training would hurry up so I could actually start working. Trying to study for the GRE and figuring out what I want to do for grad school. Living back home and not having my own place. Then there's the dance lessons, working out, yoga, tennis, hanging with friends, soon to be volley ball, relationships, or the lack there of, and still trying to deal with my mother and family shit. Wednesday is the only weeknight where I'm even home most of the evening. Now I'm not saying that I don't really enjoy doing most of these things, especially the extra curricular stuff, but i think I'm starting to spread myself to thin.
So talking to Austin I think I almost broke, and knowing that those people who I'd most like to have around can't be here, left me a little teary-eyed