I turn to you.
I promised that I would try and not post if things are not going too well, but it seems to me that that is one of the only times that I really need to post.
This week is going to rough. My girlfriend is leaving in two days to go and live the life that she loves. How can I be anything but supportive? There are the parts of me that want to hold on as tight as I can and pray that we can have a normal summer. A summer where I don't have to wait up at night and worry about everything. One in which we can steal nights alone at the beach, or fly kites or anything silly and fun. But there are the parts of me that are fiercely supportive and feel the need for independence. It a fight in me, or is it. I half wonder if it is this last bit of time that is getting to me, I mean that i have all of these plans to go and do and see great things this summer. I just wish I knew the future, but then I do not.
To add to the whole thing my little brother is moving to New York in less than a week. He is up and leaving to follow his under-age girlfriend and their son to New York, because as he puts it, "It's a fresh start, yo. One where 'er bodys not lookin' at me say, yo there goes that fukin thief and that fukin drug addict." But in reality he can not take care of himself let alone his son or his girlfriend. The situation is even worse because his girlfriend's father is a drug dealer in New York and that is where they are going to live.
So to re-cap, my girlfriend is leaving, but more than that we're going on a "break" which pop-culture and recent history teaches us never end well. My little brother who is convinced that he is a gang-star, and a gangster and a thug/drug dealer is leaving and taking his son/my nephew way the hell out of the state. Oh and I live with Monica's mom, who is extremely nice and kind and a wonderful hostess, but it's still weird.
That and I don't have a job yet. Lucky thought that I can budget like crazy and still have a few dollars tucked away. But still, Mike - job = worthless. I feel like crap if I don't have a job. I'm tired.
I don't want to complain, I've got my bike, I've got good friends, and I knew that this was all going to happen, but part of me thought that if I ignored it it would go away, or at least take longer to culminate. I know it was a weak attempt at denial, but in light of how these events make me feel, a feeble attempt was better than no attempt. or so I thought.
That is all, I'm sick of feeling down, I'm going for a long ride, care to join me?
This week is going to rough. My girlfriend is leaving in two days to go and live the life that she loves. How can I be anything but supportive? There are the parts of me that want to hold on as tight as I can and pray that we can have a normal summer. A summer where I don't have to wait up at night and worry about everything. One in which we can steal nights alone at the beach, or fly kites or anything silly and fun. But there are the parts of me that are fiercely supportive and feel the need for independence. It a fight in me, or is it. I half wonder if it is this last bit of time that is getting to me, I mean that i have all of these plans to go and do and see great things this summer. I just wish I knew the future, but then I do not.
To add to the whole thing my little brother is moving to New York in less than a week. He is up and leaving to follow his under-age girlfriend and their son to New York, because as he puts it, "It's a fresh start, yo. One where 'er bodys not lookin' at me say, yo there goes that fukin thief and that fukin drug addict." But in reality he can not take care of himself let alone his son or his girlfriend. The situation is even worse because his girlfriend's father is a drug dealer in New York and that is where they are going to live.
So to re-cap, my girlfriend is leaving, but more than that we're going on a "break" which pop-culture and recent history teaches us never end well. My little brother who is convinced that he is a gang-star, and a gangster and a thug/drug dealer is leaving and taking his son/my nephew way the hell out of the state. Oh and I live with Monica's mom, who is extremely nice and kind and a wonderful hostess, but it's still weird.
That and I don't have a job yet. Lucky thought that I can budget like crazy and still have a few dollars tucked away. But still, Mike - job = worthless. I feel like crap if I don't have a job. I'm tired.
I don't want to complain, I've got my bike, I've got good friends, and I knew that this was all going to happen, but part of me thought that if I ignored it it would go away, or at least take longer to culminate. I know it was a weak attempt at denial, but in light of how these events make me feel, a feeble attempt was better than no attempt. or so I thought.
That is all, I'm sick of feeling down, I'm going for a long ride, care to join me?