Episode 4.08 - "Some Kind Of Monster"
After chatting aimlessly with my sister up in the clouds, I look down and realize how insanely high up we are. Along with 20 others, she and I are sitting on a foam spring mattress on a behemoth roller coaster track. During the 90-second death drop, my head is swimming as we're all plummeting towards the earth. Somewhere along the way, however, the ride breaks down. Of course! So, we're just stuck there; an awkward silence hangs heavily over the entire scene and everyone around us is under the age of 8 (one of them walks into the back of my knee). Ew, I know. I turn to my sister, but magically, she has morphed into Jordan--I don't seem to notice, LOL! Anywho, Jordan and I try to keep the ankle-biters entertained, but she's glued to the spot. She reaches into her pocket and takes out a SuperNintendo controller and an instruction manual, and eventually performs the button combo needed for her to move her around freely. Ironically, as soon as she gains motor skills, I start malfunctioning and my arms are suddenly in a strangling position and my hips maniacally swivel back and forth like a pendulum. Apparently, one of the kids swiped my controller, so I scan the ride looking for the little devil.
Once I finally manage to turn around on my own and I find myself in a dark hallway that reminds me of Stine-1 'cause they've got the same soda machine. For some reason I can't remember, the topic of professional wrestling must have come up, because one of the guys says that "Vince McMahon is up to his old tricks." Personally, I was done with his ass for good when he bought out his only real competitors (WCW & ECW) to make one big, mondo crapfest (WWE)... or was it when he founded the XFL? O well, either one will do. Back and forth, the guys rattle off his various nicknames and one of them sticks with me. I feel a sudden urge to tell everyone that that nickname was originally given to Mr. Belding on "Saved By The Bell." Lame, I know. Anywho, just as I open my mouth to speak, Mr. LeFrancois, our old Drama director *cringe*, beats me to the punch with that piece of nerd trivia.
I break off from that conversation and look around the room. I see Mel, Steve and his girlfriend, Lura; they're dressed like they're at a 70's prom--bad hair, powder-blue suits, purple ruffles, HUGE corsages. Barf. Similar to New Year's, everyone gather around for a toast; however, instead of holding up wine glasses, we're all holding bags of popcorn. Just before we all open our bags, LeFrancois yells at us to turn the bags upside down and open them from the bottom. *sad shake of head* Big mistake...
We simultaneously open the popcorn bags from the bottom and as I expected, the piping hot, blackened kernels spill out forming a behemoth river of black smoke. Just like in Michael Jackson classic "Remember the Time" music video, the black smoke swirls up toward the sky to form... A GIANT LAUNDRY-LINT MONSTER! Although it's obviously a GIANORMOUS piece of laundry lint, it looks a hell-of-a-lot like Fudge'Ums... y'know, Domino's latest mascot. The ballroom brightens up and 2-story windows explode all around us because the monster is rapidly sucking up all the oxygen. I look around me and see everyone running towards the back doors (in SLOW motion, of course), and just as the doors are about to close, trapping me alone with the monster, something miraculous happens.
Out of nowhere, the monster sprouts these 50-foot-long, thick tree branches, reaches out of both sides of the building, and catches EVERYONE ELSE in mid-air as they're running away... all this happens literally two seconds before I leap out the back doors. So there I am, floating in outer space, watching the monster scurry around the other side of the building, which is protected by a moat. After 30 seconds of freefalling into blank space, I magically land back where I started (in the moat) with a gigantic splash. I peer inside the building to see if anyone heard me... they did. Stranded in the water, I see the creepy-happy children from the Nightmare On Elm Street series skipping towards me. At this point, I realize that I'm definitely dreaming and force myself to wake up before they tear me to smithereens!
I'm up. And I'll take this time to contemplate what caused these images to appear in my dream. Last weekend, I performed at the St. Jude's Fundraiser, so that would explain the kids being there. I talked to Jordan earlier today in Glatfelter and saw her @ our Lindy-Hop Swing classes. A few nights ago, I was flipping through the channels @ 4 in the morning and stumbled upon something awesome: Lucha Libre Mexicana on Telemundo! It was AWESOME... this Latin transvestite wrestling tagteam was kickin' ass as the crowd chanted, "BeBe! BeBe! Beso de Muerte, Ole!!" However, some guys just should NEVER EVER wear spandex! *flashback-induced cringe* AMC's constant looping of Carrie explains the cheesy 70's prom feel of the dream. And at Snowball, I danced A LOT with Mel. I ran into Steve & Lura on my way to the Swing Dance last week... which I seriously should've taken as a bad omen; really, if the Swing King's leavin' that early, what makes me think that I would actually enjoy the dance? Case in point, I stayed for all-uh-3 songs at most. And lastly, the lint monster must be a combination between the huge clumps of dust I have to remove everyday in my room (those damn heater) and two monster films I've been thinking about lately: The Thing From Another World and Little Shop Of Horrors. Makes perfect sense.