Apology~
I know I'm going to get a lot of "You shouldn't have to apologize D:<" responses, but I feel compelled to apologize anyway.
I've been so out of it for the past couple of years. It started with my anxiety reaching critical levels on top of my grandma's illness. I haven't been the best friend I want to be. My mind's been on my grandma or trying to make it through the day, not on friend's birthdays or special events. I wonder if this is why people have stopped talking to me, on top of other things =/
There's been great people like Lynn (<3 doitsu) who've hung out with me and supported me and I really appreciate it. I should be content with that, and I am. But it seems that the harder I struggled with life the farther everyone got from me =/
I doesn't matter to me if you can't relate to what I'm going through, just saying ANYTHING, whether its condolences or not makes me feel better. I just want a little acknowledgment and comforting at this time. It doesn't have to be much, and it can be just talking about something totally random =/ But I've felt a rift between people, especially the past year.
My grandma just isn't "my grandma", she's my entire support system. The one person who's basically raised and cared for me these 19 1/2 years. We didn't have the best relationship the past few years >_> But she's still the most important person in my life. I didn't feel like a full person to begin with, now I don't feel like anything at all.
You know, well actually most of you don't know, what sort of shit I've been drug through my entire life, not getting one damn break. It really fucks you up. You don't trust things will ever be ok, you're devastated when someone lets you down... You feel worthless when no one acknowledges your existence half of the time. It hurts coming from your family and friends.
People probably think I'm being melodramatic or spoiled but it's really far from it. If you think I'm spoiled and get everything I want and always had a good life you're a dumbass that should not further fill the gene pool with your stupidity.
But I'm ready to move on with my life and begin anew. I do not have time for fickle people, and people who like to twist my words into something I didn't say to have a reason to hate me/person to hate. I don't have time for stupid morons who believe ridiculous lies and let them fester and create rifts between people instead of working to solve problems. Good people do not do that shit. I want to surround myself with good, kind people.
We all have our moments, I'm having one right now, but I am sick and tired of being a doormat. And I'm really sick and tired of people throwing their shit onto other people.
I am not putting up with that anymore. I don't care. Worthless people like that are a waste of time. Life is too short to get hung up with people that make you feel like shit.
I could rant the rest of the night, but meh. You get the gist.
I want this to be a new beginning, the beginning of a life that won't suck ass 24/7, 365 days a year. This is all happening in what's already a transition period in my life, might as well continue to push forward and make new changes.
I've been so out of it for the past couple of years. It started with my anxiety reaching critical levels on top of my grandma's illness. I haven't been the best friend I want to be. My mind's been on my grandma or trying to make it through the day, not on friend's birthdays or special events. I wonder if this is why people have stopped talking to me, on top of other things =/
There's been great people like Lynn (<3 doitsu) who've hung out with me and supported me and I really appreciate it. I should be content with that, and I am. But it seems that the harder I struggled with life the farther everyone got from me =/
I doesn't matter to me if you can't relate to what I'm going through, just saying ANYTHING, whether its condolences or not makes me feel better. I just want a little acknowledgment and comforting at this time. It doesn't have to be much, and it can be just talking about something totally random =/ But I've felt a rift between people, especially the past year.
My grandma just isn't "my grandma", she's my entire support system. The one person who's basically raised and cared for me these 19 1/2 years. We didn't have the best relationship the past few years >_> But she's still the most important person in my life. I didn't feel like a full person to begin with, now I don't feel like anything at all.
You know, well actually most of you don't know, what sort of shit I've been drug through my entire life, not getting one damn break. It really fucks you up. You don't trust things will ever be ok, you're devastated when someone lets you down... You feel worthless when no one acknowledges your existence half of the time. It hurts coming from your family and friends.
People probably think I'm being melodramatic or spoiled but it's really far from it. If you think I'm spoiled and get everything I want and always had a good life you're a dumbass that should not further fill the gene pool with your stupidity.
But I'm ready to move on with my life and begin anew. I do not have time for fickle people, and people who like to twist my words into something I didn't say to have a reason to hate me/person to hate. I don't have time for stupid morons who believe ridiculous lies and let them fester and create rifts between people instead of working to solve problems. Good people do not do that shit. I want to surround myself with good, kind people.
We all have our moments, I'm having one right now, but I am sick and tired of being a doormat. And I'm really sick and tired of people throwing their shit onto other people.
I am not putting up with that anymore. I don't care. Worthless people like that are a waste of time. Life is too short to get hung up with people that make you feel like shit.
I could rant the rest of the night, but meh. You get the gist.
I want this to be a new beginning, the beginning of a life that won't suck ass 24/7, 365 days a year. This is all happening in what's already a transition period in my life, might as well continue to push forward and make new changes.