I hate goodbyes!
So the sisters and gang came. We went to Spokane for the family reunion. Lots of fun. Saw lots of cousins and relatives who I have no clue who they are! My Uncle Al stood there with me and named all 100 people who were there. Then said "Good luck!" patted me on the back, gave me a kiss on each cheek (that's his thing... I love that guy!) and off he went to go mingle. Then David, Laura's husband, looked at me and said "Okay, so who is everyone?!" And I just looked at him and said "You have as good a guess as me!" :) I know my immediate family and that's it!
Then the next day we had family pictures taken after a surprise baby shower for Steph! We were in dire need of family pictures! Let's just say that the last family picture we had was when I had braces and was in 7th grade I think. Time for the whole gang to be up on Grandpa's wall in the living room in Iowa with the rest of dad's brothers and sister's families. :) Monday we got a boat and went out on Clear Lake. Went tubing and Megan and Garrett tried water skiing. I did well at tubing! But now I have a massive bruise that looks like the state of California on my leg from "oh so gracefully" getting back into the boat without any kind of ladder or step. Tuesday we went to Silverwood... an Amusement park in Idaho. It was fun, but of course Megan and Garrett weren't overly amazed cause us Ohio people are used to Cedar Point, Kings Island, and all the Paramount amusement parks that the Northwest doesn't seem to have. But it was still fun no matter what! :) Wednesday we headed to Ellensburg. I took the crew on a tour of campus. They met Parker and Lydia. We went for Mexican. Got ice cream. And not much else to do in Ellensburg! Then the crew loaded up in the van with dad and headed to Seattle this morning. Mom went with Dee and the munchkins back home. And I stayed to take care of housing stuff. LOTS of paperwork, but at least it's mostly done! Stopped to try and see Jessica Duke, but she wasn't home :( Saw Ms. Gini... I miss her! Then headed outta town back home through White Pass. Finally stopped at the waterfall that's near the summit. Went on that little hike by myself, which was nice for alone time, and took some pictures with my NEW DIGITAL CAMERA (my sisters love me! they got me one for graduation!) And then continued home. Then I just got back from Karina's. Nicole, Angela, and Rebekah were there. We head down to Portland tomorrow after kidnapping Andrea for her bachelorrette party. This party may turn out good or frustrating. I'll let ya know!
All in all it's been a good week! Steph is getting big! She's only 18 weeks along and she looks about 23! But that's what she gets with twins! :) She's such a cute pregnant lady too! I hope I look like her when I'm pregnant! The babies are doing good and so is she so I'm excited beyond belief for these new little guys! :) I hate saying goodbye to my sisters though! For any of you that are in my shoes you'll know how I feel. I get to see my sister twice a year if I'm lucky.... except for Dee since she lives in Portland. I'm used to it by now, but every time it's hard. For friends it's one thing, but for your sisters that mean everything in the world to you cause they're family... it's a different story. With Laura it's hard just cause I grew up with her and it's just odd not seeing her all the time. But I think I'm able to go 6 months without her easier than with Steph. First of all I want to be there to see Steph get bigger throughout her pregnancy and be able to rush to the hospital to be there to hold those babies when they're a day old. That doesn't quite work living so far away! :( Second of all, like I've said before I think, Steph and I have this 'connection' in a way. The oldest and youngest sis... there's just something there. She's always the one I can talk to about anything. She's the one I always cried to when I would find out about yet ANOTHER surgery I needed throughout growing up. She's the one that would drag out the info about guys I was interested in. She's the one that I would cling to, and still do. I look up to her so much and I don't even know if she realizes it. She's been through so much and I love every bit of her! And to make saying goodbye harder to her this time around, not only the pregnancy part of it, but she's the ONLY one in my family that I've actually come right out and said "I was raped." And that was just this year over the phone when everything was going on with Matt. My parents know, but I've never actually said it to them. My mom read it in a poem she came across and I have never talked about it with her. And I've never told Laura or Deanna. Stephanie is the only one and finally getting to see her since I told her, and then having to say goodbye, I hate it!
I'm so anxious to get out of here and change my own life, but at the same time I want to be back with my sister when I was little and she was the coolest person I could think of to be around. I didn't have a care in the world and just being with her was what I wanted most. Now she has her own life with two little ones on the way. And so does all of my other sisters. I realized that this week as well. Not only am I sad about saying goodbye, I feel like I'm getting left behind. Laura and David bought a house, and within a couple years they'll be having kids probably. Deanna and Jeremy are happy with Mia and Katelyn and have their busy lives. Steph and Art and excited about these new babies and having Megan and Garrett to help give these babies all the love in the world! Reality hit me when we took family photos and the photographer started taking separate photos of all the families. Deanna and the crew went first. Then Laura and David. Then Steph and the gang. Then the photographer said "Who did I miss!" Looked straight at me and I just said "I can't have a picture by myself!" Everyone said sure I could, so I did. We start picking out what pictures to buy and we see all the families, and then me. It sucked! It was harder than any of them realized for me to sit there and look at all my sisters with their "perfect" lives, and then see me. Once again wondering when I will ever fit in with my sisters. Part of me knows I'm not ready for marriage, if I was I would be with Matt right now planning a wedding if things went as planned with him. And I'm not ready for marriage, or at least he wasn't "the one" and I like being single at times. But there will still always be that part of me that will be longing for that husband and kids as soon as the right guy comes along. I just hate being the one sitting on the sidelines while the rest of my sisters carry on not needing me like I still need them. I know part of the reason I want to move to Italy so bad is not only for the experience, but to escape in a way. To get away from this. But I know that it will follow. I can't hide from my own feelings. Maybe Italy, or anywhere overseas!, would be good though. Cause then I'm not constantly looking at those around me seeing what they have that I don't. It'll give me a chance to really focus on me. I just need out of here! I feel trapped!
Okay, I'm done rambling! I'm sorry you guys! I'm just a dumb emotional girl right now. I appologize! My eyes hurt from crying and I need to go to bed to get SOME rest before the day begins for Andrea's party. G'night!
Then the next day we had family pictures taken after a surprise baby shower for Steph! We were in dire need of family pictures! Let's just say that the last family picture we had was when I had braces and was in 7th grade I think. Time for the whole gang to be up on Grandpa's wall in the living room in Iowa with the rest of dad's brothers and sister's families. :) Monday we got a boat and went out on Clear Lake. Went tubing and Megan and Garrett tried water skiing. I did well at tubing! But now I have a massive bruise that looks like the state of California on my leg from "oh so gracefully" getting back into the boat without any kind of ladder or step. Tuesday we went to Silverwood... an Amusement park in Idaho. It was fun, but of course Megan and Garrett weren't overly amazed cause us Ohio people are used to Cedar Point, Kings Island, and all the Paramount amusement parks that the Northwest doesn't seem to have. But it was still fun no matter what! :) Wednesday we headed to Ellensburg. I took the crew on a tour of campus. They met Parker and Lydia. We went for Mexican. Got ice cream. And not much else to do in Ellensburg! Then the crew loaded up in the van with dad and headed to Seattle this morning. Mom went with Dee and the munchkins back home. And I stayed to take care of housing stuff. LOTS of paperwork, but at least it's mostly done! Stopped to try and see Jessica Duke, but she wasn't home :( Saw Ms. Gini... I miss her! Then headed outta town back home through White Pass. Finally stopped at the waterfall that's near the summit. Went on that little hike by myself, which was nice for alone time, and took some pictures with my NEW DIGITAL CAMERA (my sisters love me! they got me one for graduation!) And then continued home. Then I just got back from Karina's. Nicole, Angela, and Rebekah were there. We head down to Portland tomorrow after kidnapping Andrea for her bachelorrette party. This party may turn out good or frustrating. I'll let ya know!
All in all it's been a good week! Steph is getting big! She's only 18 weeks along and she looks about 23! But that's what she gets with twins! :) She's such a cute pregnant lady too! I hope I look like her when I'm pregnant! The babies are doing good and so is she so I'm excited beyond belief for these new little guys! :) I hate saying goodbye to my sisters though! For any of you that are in my shoes you'll know how I feel. I get to see my sister twice a year if I'm lucky.... except for Dee since she lives in Portland. I'm used to it by now, but every time it's hard. For friends it's one thing, but for your sisters that mean everything in the world to you cause they're family... it's a different story. With Laura it's hard just cause I grew up with her and it's just odd not seeing her all the time. But I think I'm able to go 6 months without her easier than with Steph. First of all I want to be there to see Steph get bigger throughout her pregnancy and be able to rush to the hospital to be there to hold those babies when they're a day old. That doesn't quite work living so far away! :( Second of all, like I've said before I think, Steph and I have this 'connection' in a way. The oldest and youngest sis... there's just something there. She's always the one I can talk to about anything. She's the one I always cried to when I would find out about yet ANOTHER surgery I needed throughout growing up. She's the one that would drag out the info about guys I was interested in. She's the one that I would cling to, and still do. I look up to her so much and I don't even know if she realizes it. She's been through so much and I love every bit of her! And to make saying goodbye harder to her this time around, not only the pregnancy part of it, but she's the ONLY one in my family that I've actually come right out and said "I was raped." And that was just this year over the phone when everything was going on with Matt. My parents know, but I've never actually said it to them. My mom read it in a poem she came across and I have never talked about it with her. And I've never told Laura or Deanna. Stephanie is the only one and finally getting to see her since I told her, and then having to say goodbye, I hate it!
I'm so anxious to get out of here and change my own life, but at the same time I want to be back with my sister when I was little and she was the coolest person I could think of to be around. I didn't have a care in the world and just being with her was what I wanted most. Now she has her own life with two little ones on the way. And so does all of my other sisters. I realized that this week as well. Not only am I sad about saying goodbye, I feel like I'm getting left behind. Laura and David bought a house, and within a couple years they'll be having kids probably. Deanna and Jeremy are happy with Mia and Katelyn and have their busy lives. Steph and Art and excited about these new babies and having Megan and Garrett to help give these babies all the love in the world! Reality hit me when we took family photos and the photographer started taking separate photos of all the families. Deanna and the crew went first. Then Laura and David. Then Steph and the gang. Then the photographer said "Who did I miss!" Looked straight at me and I just said "I can't have a picture by myself!" Everyone said sure I could, so I did. We start picking out what pictures to buy and we see all the families, and then me. It sucked! It was harder than any of them realized for me to sit there and look at all my sisters with their "perfect" lives, and then see me. Once again wondering when I will ever fit in with my sisters. Part of me knows I'm not ready for marriage, if I was I would be with Matt right now planning a wedding if things went as planned with him. And I'm not ready for marriage, or at least he wasn't "the one" and I like being single at times. But there will still always be that part of me that will be longing for that husband and kids as soon as the right guy comes along. I just hate being the one sitting on the sidelines while the rest of my sisters carry on not needing me like I still need them. I know part of the reason I want to move to Italy so bad is not only for the experience, but to escape in a way. To get away from this. But I know that it will follow. I can't hide from my own feelings. Maybe Italy, or anywhere overseas!, would be good though. Cause then I'm not constantly looking at those around me seeing what they have that I don't. It'll give me a chance to really focus on me. I just need out of here! I feel trapped!
Okay, I'm done rambling! I'm sorry you guys! I'm just a dumb emotional girl right now. I appologize! My eyes hurt from crying and I need to go to bed to get SOME rest before the day begins for Andrea's party. G'night!