hah. how funny
I'm probably going to get off livejournal and switch to some other journal out there. I found one of my friends old journals on greatestjournal from 2003 - made me miss that person and realize how much I need to drop my guard if I ever want the chance of something catching my attention again.
Warding went well, looking at this journal is making me cringe. I want to move to a suburb of LA again, though I don't know for what reason. Or move to Seattle. I still need to stop thinking about some things, like the people who impeded my freedom and those I care nothing about. When I feel safe, I probably won't talk to anyone. I wish I could just cloister myself now or only interact with a few of like mind.
I can't fucking believe I let bullshit hold me back for so long. Maybe now I can start bulding my false structure of things always being okay and on the side of helping me progress instead of having me dwell on the past. If only it was so easy as just putting it to the side. I fell before I fell when I stopped working and let misery consume.
Now there is a wall and I am thrilled. No more hell. Funny how suddenly I was happy and weirded out by how stupid I've been, but foretting through the day.
I really want to "reclaim" the eye of ra symbol for what it was supposed to mean rather than how it was skewed - along with a bunch of other things - and I want to start going for what I want again cuz I've had a long stupid break - and I want to forget it all.
I want to interact with other v people and see things and be aware and watch the flash of black or white behind my eyes or my vision becoming like waves wth my ears only open to a select few without spoken words and people falling against walls or others I care about eating or sleeping or having sex through my body, and recognzing and tossing off bad unclean energy, and living in that dream that's more real than fiction and feeling safe to recognize iillusions and spitting in their faces. That's what I want.
Freedom from confinement, no stalkers, no responses to useless things, and no need for others outside of a select few where needs are more urgent and primal. I could love this life. Along with it's pain.
Into the ashes and out of the flame...
weapons stay strong,
even when sleep is long.
razorblade skeletons; godform plastic-wrap.
multiplication of the moments that overlap.
sa..sna..
the flowers birthed of earth and ash.
the coffin trees that burn from the inside out.
water from a depth and resurrection.
eyes closed, open mouth.
dust of immaculate, unfathomable amounts of time.
three by three they raise it up; undulating, reverberating.
mighty angles of vertices catch light that does not shine.
channeled from infinity into pillars; prism to prism.
blood forms a bond, spirals in structures.
upper is lower, the walls are ruptured.
infinity in overlap.
sna.. snaa.. snap.
weapons stay strong, even when sleep is long.
by: you know who you are
when I rise out of my hell - I want to meet someone who is how you were then - and fuck their goddamn brains out and do all the things I never got to with you. but don't worry, I'm not stuck in the past, I'm looking toward what I want in my future. and when I see you again I'll either pick a fight, cuz that would be really fun, or just give you a giant hug from behind. But I wont remember my stupidity, so try not to mention it...//caution tape//
See you in my next incarnation of this lifetime. Hopefully this one will have all bullshit removed.
Warding went well, looking at this journal is making me cringe. I want to move to a suburb of LA again, though I don't know for what reason. Or move to Seattle. I still need to stop thinking about some things, like the people who impeded my freedom and those I care nothing about. When I feel safe, I probably won't talk to anyone. I wish I could just cloister myself now or only interact with a few of like mind.
I can't fucking believe I let bullshit hold me back for so long. Maybe now I can start bulding my false structure of things always being okay and on the side of helping me progress instead of having me dwell on the past. If only it was so easy as just putting it to the side. I fell before I fell when I stopped working and let misery consume.
Now there is a wall and I am thrilled. No more hell. Funny how suddenly I was happy and weirded out by how stupid I've been, but foretting through the day.
I really want to "reclaim" the eye of ra symbol for what it was supposed to mean rather than how it was skewed - along with a bunch of other things - and I want to start going for what I want again cuz I've had a long stupid break - and I want to forget it all.
I want to interact with other v people and see things and be aware and watch the flash of black or white behind my eyes or my vision becoming like waves wth my ears only open to a select few without spoken words and people falling against walls or others I care about eating or sleeping or having sex through my body, and recognzing and tossing off bad unclean energy, and living in that dream that's more real than fiction and feeling safe to recognize iillusions and spitting in their faces. That's what I want.
Freedom from confinement, no stalkers, no responses to useless things, and no need for others outside of a select few where needs are more urgent and primal. I could love this life. Along with it's pain.
Into the ashes and out of the flame...
weapons stay strong,
even when sleep is long.
razorblade skeletons; godform plastic-wrap.
multiplication of the moments that overlap.
sa..sna..
the flowers birthed of earth and ash.
the coffin trees that burn from the inside out.
water from a depth and resurrection.
eyes closed, open mouth.
dust of immaculate, unfathomable amounts of time.
three by three they raise it up; undulating, reverberating.
mighty angles of vertices catch light that does not shine.
channeled from infinity into pillars; prism to prism.
blood forms a bond, spirals in structures.
upper is lower, the walls are ruptured.
infinity in overlap.
sna.. snaa.. snap.
weapons stay strong, even when sleep is long.
by: you know who you are
when I rise out of my hell - I want to meet someone who is how you were then - and fuck their goddamn brains out and do all the things I never got to with you. but don't worry, I'm not stuck in the past, I'm looking toward what I want in my future. and when I see you again I'll either pick a fight, cuz that would be really fun, or just give you a giant hug from behind. But I wont remember my stupidity, so try not to mention it...//caution tape//
See you in my next incarnation of this lifetime. Hopefully this one will have all bullshit removed.