I think this may be the start of a beautiful end...

[cataclysm117]

So yeah... Yesterday was a crock of shit. I have been planning to go to Bozeman since Tuesday to see Chris. He knows I'm coming, and he's glad I'm coming. I ask him what day works best, and he doesn't care. Things happen, and I end up going Saturday. We spend the day together until 6, and then I told him that he could go to his friend's graduation party and I'll just hang out by myself for awhile. He didn't want to at first, but eventually did. Two hours later, I texted him and asked if we were going to do anything (seeing as I'd driven 160 miles to see him.) or if I should find something to do by myself. The answer, a half hour later, was "Um..." Um. I texted him again (my cell phone bill is going to be outrageous)and said " Guess I have my answer then" I decide to drive to Belgrade to see if I can find Christy because i know she graduated. No luck. I try calling Chris again, and he won't answer. That was big of him... I mean, if you're going to ditch someone, have some fucking balls about it. I left him a voicemail and told him that he could have told me he didn't want to hang out in the first place. I go back to my hotel (yes, that I had paid for) and basically bawled for about half an hour. I call Lindsey to tell her Arod (Dylan) called for her on my cell, and she tells me to come back to Lewistown so we can go party and forget about the day. So I text Chris AGAIN and tell him that I'm going home and he says "I'm sorry..." and I promptly responded with a quick "Go to hell.." and then he texts again with some excuse that he had his ex come back into his life and how he's really really sorry and she means so much to him. Again, I was pissed and doing 95 on the interstate, so I give a quick "That's sweet. Fuck you." Later, he texted me back (i know, awesome story) with "that hurts" You think that fucking hurts? Fucker! FUCKING CHRIST! I drive down to Bozeman with the full intent of hanging out with him and he fucking leaves me in the lurch. I told him that if he was going to ditch me, he could have at least done it earlier so I wouldn't be on the fucking highway at 10:30 at night going 95 with my crappy ass headlights. Last night, I didn't care. I honestly thought about what it would be like to wreck my car, and I didn't care.

So I got back to town a swift 1 hour and 45 minutes later, and gave Lindsey a holla and told her to come get me. We pretended to spend the night at this kid Sam's house, when we really went over to Nick's to get wasted. We were doing 99 Berries shots and drinking beer (I lost count, but I'm pretty sure there was always a beer in my hand)and I ended up spending the night in Nick's bed. Nick really likes me, and I just don't know that I feel the same way. He's a nice guy, he really is, but he's 26. And he has mediocre looks and he's kind of short. Hmm. Let's just say I really lose morals after 4, and I was waaay past four. I'd say I got taken advantage of, but I probably would have done it sober considering how pissed I was.

I left all my makeup in Bozeman. I'm having Eirik pick it up and hold on to it for me, but I'm still out of makeup. Nick is going to Billings today and i was thinking about going, but he's already gone. So I think I might go to bed.

I'm such a fucking joke...