On being a 21st century woman in a patriarchal society
Can I just say, it's killing me having to write a paper in pure Filipino. I can't articulate myself as fast as I normally can. And it doesn't help that the only good online English-Tagalog dictionary I know of is suddenly inaccessible for unknown reasons. I've been trying to search for a substitute, but apparently it's hard to find something that's comprehensive. Anyway I shall give my bleeding nose a break and try to write out my paper here in English first.
This is for my Panitikang Pilipino 19 class, which focuses on Gender and Sexuality. Basically I'm writing about the state of women in our patriarchal society. In our discussions in class, it was largely brought up how patriarchy was a negative thing, especially for women --how we still don't have equal priority and opportunities with men; how they're still the dominant sex, blah, blah, blah. (Hindi kasama yung blah, blah, blah sa paper ha)
I never was able to relate to this. In fact, if it weren't discussed in class, I wouldn't even be aware that such inequality existed. I think this is mainly due to my birth order. I'm the only girl among my siblings, but I'm also the eldest. So unlike all my other unica hija friends, I never experienced being dominated and somewhat trampled on by my brothers (yung mga kuya diyan, wag nang magmalinis, ok?). I mean we fight, sure, but it never reaches a point where they walk all over me and I lose all my say. And frankly, I highly doubt that's possible. Being first born comes with an effortless dominance. You're simply born with the upper hand.
As for how my parents treat me, I'm always the first to access whatever privileges are available because I'm always the first to need them, because my lifestyle evolves ahead of that of my siblings. It also doesn't make sense to Mom and Dad to be overly protective with me (the way most parents are over only girls) because I'm the first to experience what my siblings have yet to go through in life. I'm also the one they sometimes bug about learning to drive, though I don't feel that it's something I absolutely need to do.
So that's how it was for me growing up, and I guess I brought it along with me wherever I went, which explains why I never felt the gender inequality. There was even a time when I ignorantly rolled my eyes at feminist movements thinking, "We don't need that anymore!" If ever another person pulled one over me simply because he was a guy, I really can't remember. I've always known what I wanted and made sure that I got it. I also have no problem getting rid of the things that I don't want. And really, when you're able to do both of that, it's safe to say that you're an empowered being.
I actually like living in a patriarchal society in this day and age. Sure, things haven't completely equalized between the sexes, but I think that's the beauty of it. Women now have the power to pursue their goals and dreams, just like men. But the weight of life and societal expectation is still very much on the males. For example, I once told my mom that if ever I joined the Amazing Race, I'd want my partner to be guy. Because if we had to go through extremely difficult Road Block challenges (tasks that only one person per team can perform), the guy would automatically be the one up for it. I mean, no self-respecting guy would allow me to be dragged through muddy terrain by a running carabao as he watched comfortably --especially if it was going to be broadcast on national/international TV.
Society still depends very much on men. I mean, if women weren't so eager to get education and careers of their own, the only place they'd be depended on is in the household --and you can even get maids and babysitters to do the bulk of such work (at least here in the Philippines, you can). So if society has finally granted you the power to become someone, but still doesn't weigh down on you as if you were a pillar, what do you do?
You do what you want, that's what. I'm not saying that men don't get to do that. But there's more pressure on them to be successful, to earn money, to be good providers, to be strong (or at least appear to be), to take bullets for their families, to be decisive, assertive, and to always come out on top.
A woman can strive for the heights of career success or become a fabulous housewife. Either way is fine. She can either be miss independent who provides for herself, choose a rich husband, or better yet, do both. Whichever she chooses, she won't be frowned upon. She can freely show the world her strengths and moments of weakness whenever she chooses. And even in her tears people consider her to be strong. Women are not expected to take bullets. The most they're expected to do at gunpoint is to run away with the children. They can be decisive and assertive, or submissive and eternally patient and kind, or both. There's no pressure to always be on top, so their egos are actually much less fragile. But they can definitely achieve that if they want to.
In short, there's more freedom to do whatever because we have less things to prove and to worry about. We can choose to be leaders and movers and showcase much strength, power and influence in society. But when it's time to carry heavy stuff, or the car suddenly stops and has to be pushed around for it to start, or basically any task that may ruin our poise, in our heads we go, "Ok... Men?"
Some women are offended by the sight of a boyfriend carrying the girlfriend's things, saying it sends the message that the girl is weak. I roll my eyes at their insecurity. Just because you let someone help you out, it doesn't mean you couldn't have done it yourself. Besides, there is nothing especially empowering about carrying your own things. Even the poorest, hungriest man in the world does so himself. Getting someone else to carry your stuff, now that's something.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is that women can freely shift from positions of strength and weakness, depending on what is convenient or more effective at the moment. There is much power and freedom in there, you just have to know how to use it to your advantage.
And as far as inequality in the career arena is concerned, ano ba? I consider it an utter waste of time to even fret about it. Just make sure you get what you want, achieve what you want to achieve, regardless of how hard or how long you have to work for it. Tyra Banks never complained about being a black aspiring model in a time when racism was much more rampant than it is today. There is no point dwelling on how unfair the world is. Matagal nang unfair ang mundo, ok? Just do everything in your power to get what you want. Period.
Catherine
ps. Ok, obviously this came out a little differently and I can't make this my paper exactly. But at least the general thought is there.
pps. I'm really sleepy and I have a series of meetings to wake up for tomorrow. Pardon me kung medyo sabog yung entry.
This is for my Panitikang Pilipino 19 class, which focuses on Gender and Sexuality. Basically I'm writing about the state of women in our patriarchal society. In our discussions in class, it was largely brought up how patriarchy was a negative thing, especially for women --how we still don't have equal priority and opportunities with men; how they're still the dominant sex, blah, blah, blah. (Hindi kasama yung blah, blah, blah sa paper ha)
I never was able to relate to this. In fact, if it weren't discussed in class, I wouldn't even be aware that such inequality existed. I think this is mainly due to my birth order. I'm the only girl among my siblings, but I'm also the eldest. So unlike all my other unica hija friends, I never experienced being dominated and somewhat trampled on by my brothers (yung mga kuya diyan, wag nang magmalinis, ok?). I mean we fight, sure, but it never reaches a point where they walk all over me and I lose all my say. And frankly, I highly doubt that's possible. Being first born comes with an effortless dominance. You're simply born with the upper hand.
As for how my parents treat me, I'm always the first to access whatever privileges are available because I'm always the first to need them, because my lifestyle evolves ahead of that of my siblings. It also doesn't make sense to Mom and Dad to be overly protective with me (the way most parents are over only girls) because I'm the first to experience what my siblings have yet to go through in life. I'm also the one they sometimes bug about learning to drive, though I don't feel that it's something I absolutely need to do.
So that's how it was for me growing up, and I guess I brought it along with me wherever I went, which explains why I never felt the gender inequality. There was even a time when I ignorantly rolled my eyes at feminist movements thinking, "We don't need that anymore!" If ever another person pulled one over me simply because he was a guy, I really can't remember. I've always known what I wanted and made sure that I got it. I also have no problem getting rid of the things that I don't want. And really, when you're able to do both of that, it's safe to say that you're an empowered being.
I actually like living in a patriarchal society in this day and age. Sure, things haven't completely equalized between the sexes, but I think that's the beauty of it. Women now have the power to pursue their goals and dreams, just like men. But the weight of life and societal expectation is still very much on the males. For example, I once told my mom that if ever I joined the Amazing Race, I'd want my partner to be guy. Because if we had to go through extremely difficult Road Block challenges (tasks that only one person per team can perform), the guy would automatically be the one up for it. I mean, no self-respecting guy would allow me to be dragged through muddy terrain by a running carabao as he watched comfortably --especially if it was going to be broadcast on national/international TV.
Society still depends very much on men. I mean, if women weren't so eager to get education and careers of their own, the only place they'd be depended on is in the household --and you can even get maids and babysitters to do the bulk of such work (at least here in the Philippines, you can). So if society has finally granted you the power to become someone, but still doesn't weigh down on you as if you were a pillar, what do you do?
You do what you want, that's what. I'm not saying that men don't get to do that. But there's more pressure on them to be successful, to earn money, to be good providers, to be strong (or at least appear to be), to take bullets for their families, to be decisive, assertive, and to always come out on top.
A woman can strive for the heights of career success or become a fabulous housewife. Either way is fine. She can either be miss independent who provides for herself, choose a rich husband, or better yet, do both. Whichever she chooses, she won't be frowned upon. She can freely show the world her strengths and moments of weakness whenever she chooses. And even in her tears people consider her to be strong. Women are not expected to take bullets. The most they're expected to do at gunpoint is to run away with the children. They can be decisive and assertive, or submissive and eternally patient and kind, or both. There's no pressure to always be on top, so their egos are actually much less fragile. But they can definitely achieve that if they want to.
In short, there's more freedom to do whatever because we have less things to prove and to worry about. We can choose to be leaders and movers and showcase much strength, power and influence in society. But when it's time to carry heavy stuff, or the car suddenly stops and has to be pushed around for it to start, or basically any task that may ruin our poise, in our heads we go, "Ok... Men?"
Some women are offended by the sight of a boyfriend carrying the girlfriend's things, saying it sends the message that the girl is weak. I roll my eyes at their insecurity. Just because you let someone help you out, it doesn't mean you couldn't have done it yourself. Besides, there is nothing especially empowering about carrying your own things. Even the poorest, hungriest man in the world does so himself. Getting someone else to carry your stuff, now that's something.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is that women can freely shift from positions of strength and weakness, depending on what is convenient or more effective at the moment. There is much power and freedom in there, you just have to know how to use it to your advantage.
And as far as inequality in the career arena is concerned, ano ba? I consider it an utter waste of time to even fret about it. Just make sure you get what you want, achieve what you want to achieve, regardless of how hard or how long you have to work for it. Tyra Banks never complained about being a black aspiring model in a time when racism was much more rampant than it is today. There is no point dwelling on how unfair the world is. Matagal nang unfair ang mundo, ok? Just do everything in your power to get what you want. Period.
Catherine
ps. Ok, obviously this came out a little differently and I can't make this my paper exactly. But at least the general thought is there.
pps. I'm really sleepy and I have a series of meetings to wake up for tomorrow. Pardon me kung medyo sabog yung entry.