I just feel like smashing some keys.
So I received a text chain-mail earlier, whilst in the middle of a crazy 3-hr closet cleaning venture. It was something to the extent of: "God has seen you struggling with something, if you believe in God send this on and tonight God will fix two things in your favor", and I honestly almost laughed to myself, like one of those idiots in a comic book or something that talks to themselves just for the benefit of the reader.
I mean no offense whatsoever to people that do pray to God and ask for a simple way to fix everything, (I've certainly had my moments, as I'm sure we all have) and I understand that it was probably just meant to be a silly chain-mail. Everyone has their own, personal ways of seeking help and inspiration from who or whatever their source(s) of guidance may be in life. This is (as most of the things that I say are) my personal opinion for my own life.
I don't follow any specific religion, or adhere to any sort of strict moral code for that matter, but I DO believe that if we strive for something long enough that we will eventually receive it, given it may not be in the exact manner that we asked for it.
I do pray sometimes, to whatever "entity" or "force" that might be out there, and I mainly ask for signs to point in the right direction for what I need to do. Sometimes I also ask for guidance, such as "help me to do the right things in order to get this job that I want". I personally don't believe in just "giving it all to God" as they used to call it in my christian elementary and middle school, just praying mindlessly to a higher power to fix everything and leaving it all in his hands. I believe that we are put on this planet with the tools necessary to do what we want in life if we fight and struggle for long enough, and I also believe that it never stops being difficult. But I ALSO believe that there are beautiful moments, times when we really feel alive, times when we realize that we have just achieved this beautiful thing that we have wanted for so long that really make it worth it.
And I honestly don't know if it's the same for everyone else, but I feel like if I ask and look for signs that I'm on the right path, then normally I find them. It might take weeks, months, or hell, years, but I always feel like it works eventually. Silly example here, but I was cleaning out the closet earlier and wondering if I should be doing something else (I always feel guilty if I don't see friends for example, to the point that I don't get my own bullshit taken care of) and I found a bag in my closet full of awesome stuff. It contained dice to use for tabletop gaming, hair clips, some change, an incense burner (my most recent one just broke), and two pins that I can put on my art and laptop bag that just happen to be bishonen that match the theme of my other pins. Once again it's a simple example, but it really put me in a good mood and made me realize that I was doing the right thing with my day.
I've always been scared of the water, I used to get in the pool an average of once a year then leave it alone. I've had countless dreams of swimming while others dream of flying, waking up to a feeling of terrible disappointment. But I've been getting in the pool once a week this summer, and you know what? It was really fucking hard at first. I would stand in the pool for hours at a time just dunking my head underwater, terrifying myself and feeling like the fear would never go away, this stupid monster-in-my-closet rationality overriding my more rational sensibilities. But I KNEW that it would, because I had faith, faith in myself and my inborn, human ability to surpass whatever bullshit was thrown my way. I did it over-and over, made myself get in the pool knowing it would scare me, but knowing that I had friends to help me and some ambition that would surpass all the petty fears that stood before it.
Now I go underwater with no fear, and I'm sure that it will only be a matter of time before I'm swimming like I knew how to for my entire life. But it was hard, incredibly hard, and I appreciate friends' support but the thing that made my legs carry me to the water every week and get in was my ambition to be someone better than I was yesterday.
I used to be overweight, but after years of successes and failures I seem to have finally reached a weight that I'm happy with. I used to not communicate enough with my partner, (I've always hated the terms "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", FYI, In case you're wondering) but I've recently forced myself to sit down every day and talk to him, to actually communicate, and things are getting better all the time (reminds me of that song, I bet you know the one...). I want to write a novel, and I know it's going to be hard, and then if I manage to get that done getting it published is going to be even harder. But dammit I'm going to try because I recently realized what my goal in life is and I'm going to try and devote as much of my time as I can to achieving it, because I believe that the moment you realize what you're willing to devote your entire life to doing is a precious gift in itself, and I don't want to waste it.
I'm not saying that I'm perfect, of course. I'm actually saying that I'm FAR from it. I'm a flawed creature, constantly fixing myself, simultaneously creating new hurdles to jump. But life is hurdles and goals, and the moment you stop running and wait for someone or something else to fix it and make it all better is the moment that you let the grass grow around the finish line, and those hurdles just keep looking tougher and tougher to jump over.
And I do worry about others to an extent, my friends and family especially. I pray for them too sometimes. But when it comes down to it I focus on myself, because there are just some things that people have to fix for themselves, and other things that they just have to wait out and try to eventually find a solution to. We all have them, life is bullshit, life is beautiful. Yin and Yang.
Is there a god? Of course I don't know for sure, but one thing I DO know is that there is faith, faith in yourself and in other various things, and that it is something we are all capable of accessing, and that with enough of it one can achieve anything.
And you know what? Once I'm done learning to swim, I can finally dream of flying. And man, is that ever something that I'm looking forward to.
I mean no offense whatsoever to people that do pray to God and ask for a simple way to fix everything, (I've certainly had my moments, as I'm sure we all have) and I understand that it was probably just meant to be a silly chain-mail. Everyone has their own, personal ways of seeking help and inspiration from who or whatever their source(s) of guidance may be in life. This is (as most of the things that I say are) my personal opinion for my own life.
I don't follow any specific religion, or adhere to any sort of strict moral code for that matter, but I DO believe that if we strive for something long enough that we will eventually receive it, given it may not be in the exact manner that we asked for it.
I do pray sometimes, to whatever "entity" or "force" that might be out there, and I mainly ask for signs to point in the right direction for what I need to do. Sometimes I also ask for guidance, such as "help me to do the right things in order to get this job that I want". I personally don't believe in just "giving it all to God" as they used to call it in my christian elementary and middle school, just praying mindlessly to a higher power to fix everything and leaving it all in his hands. I believe that we are put on this planet with the tools necessary to do what we want in life if we fight and struggle for long enough, and I also believe that it never stops being difficult. But I ALSO believe that there are beautiful moments, times when we really feel alive, times when we realize that we have just achieved this beautiful thing that we have wanted for so long that really make it worth it.
And I honestly don't know if it's the same for everyone else, but I feel like if I ask and look for signs that I'm on the right path, then normally I find them. It might take weeks, months, or hell, years, but I always feel like it works eventually. Silly example here, but I was cleaning out the closet earlier and wondering if I should be doing something else (I always feel guilty if I don't see friends for example, to the point that I don't get my own bullshit taken care of) and I found a bag in my closet full of awesome stuff. It contained dice to use for tabletop gaming, hair clips, some change, an incense burner (my most recent one just broke), and two pins that I can put on my art and laptop bag that just happen to be bishonen that match the theme of my other pins. Once again it's a simple example, but it really put me in a good mood and made me realize that I was doing the right thing with my day.
I've always been scared of the water, I used to get in the pool an average of once a year then leave it alone. I've had countless dreams of swimming while others dream of flying, waking up to a feeling of terrible disappointment. But I've been getting in the pool once a week this summer, and you know what? It was really fucking hard at first. I would stand in the pool for hours at a time just dunking my head underwater, terrifying myself and feeling like the fear would never go away, this stupid monster-in-my-closet rationality overriding my more rational sensibilities. But I KNEW that it would, because I had faith, faith in myself and my inborn, human ability to surpass whatever bullshit was thrown my way. I did it over-and over, made myself get in the pool knowing it would scare me, but knowing that I had friends to help me and some ambition that would surpass all the petty fears that stood before it.
Now I go underwater with no fear, and I'm sure that it will only be a matter of time before I'm swimming like I knew how to for my entire life. But it was hard, incredibly hard, and I appreciate friends' support but the thing that made my legs carry me to the water every week and get in was my ambition to be someone better than I was yesterday.
I used to be overweight, but after years of successes and failures I seem to have finally reached a weight that I'm happy with. I used to not communicate enough with my partner, (I've always hated the terms "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", FYI, In case you're wondering) but I've recently forced myself to sit down every day and talk to him, to actually communicate, and things are getting better all the time (reminds me of that song, I bet you know the one...). I want to write a novel, and I know it's going to be hard, and then if I manage to get that done getting it published is going to be even harder. But dammit I'm going to try because I recently realized what my goal in life is and I'm going to try and devote as much of my time as I can to achieving it, because I believe that the moment you realize what you're willing to devote your entire life to doing is a precious gift in itself, and I don't want to waste it.
I'm not saying that I'm perfect, of course. I'm actually saying that I'm FAR from it. I'm a flawed creature, constantly fixing myself, simultaneously creating new hurdles to jump. But life is hurdles and goals, and the moment you stop running and wait for someone or something else to fix it and make it all better is the moment that you let the grass grow around the finish line, and those hurdles just keep looking tougher and tougher to jump over.
And I do worry about others to an extent, my friends and family especially. I pray for them too sometimes. But when it comes down to it I focus on myself, because there are just some things that people have to fix for themselves, and other things that they just have to wait out and try to eventually find a solution to. We all have them, life is bullshit, life is beautiful. Yin and Yang.
Is there a god? Of course I don't know for sure, but one thing I DO know is that there is faith, faith in yourself and in other various things, and that it is something we are all capable of accessing, and that with enough of it one can achieve anything.
And you know what? Once I'm done learning to swim, I can finally dream of flying. And man, is that ever something that I'm looking forward to.