(no subject)
Alright, this journal is supposed to be different then my other 99 billion of them, I don't want to write about my days unless they're meaningful, because I don't think anyone cares.
I was thinking about things, and spending a whole long time reading people's journals. After reading Steph's and even Liz's lists of things she wants in a guy it's just occured to me. Everything just sort of came at one time. Steph (you if you read this) has no need to worry. A certain someone has liked her for a very long time; on and off over a couple of months. I told this guy yesterday I was so envious of him. Not that he has a girlfriend or anything, just becuase he likes Steph so much. I don't know if he spills his heart to her, but you can always sort of tell, and it's as though they couldn't talk for years and the minute he sees her he's just back to liking her. I want that, I think everyone wants that. And Steph ( you ) or she is so lucky she has him always falling for her, and I know we're not super tight, so who knows if you'll ever read this, but I am so jealous of his cute little crush for you :) ... And onto Liz's journal. Her list of 51 things she wants in a guy is so adorable. I can't come up with 51 things I want in a guy. God knows I thought I'd take a break from guys but that doesn't seem to be happening. I don't want to go searching for guys with a huge checklist. But oddly enough, Liz managed to get her guy and I forget exactly wrote but I commented on her journal of her relationship with Nino. Now mind you, Liz is my best friend, no wait she is my sister. I think she said to me she thought she was in love but she wasn't, it ended in a mess, but somehow they patched things up, and without going through the drama again...they have that sort of love for each other. Not love-love just they have that respect that " I gave you my love, and we're over, but I still think you're wonderful " that's the feeling I get when I talk to them. And that's the feeling I want. I had pondered for a while, I don't think I am ready for a guy, or vice versa. I feel bad for any guy who just has to deal with my bullshyt and I don't have a great amount of self-confidence but I am fine in saying I don't feel I am a good person, I don't think I am worthy of anything/anybody. And I'm not 'fishing for compliments' like when people say they're fat just to hear they're not. But, sometimes I just really believe I'm not anything. So why should a guy have to deal with that? Then that mood fades, and I am back to like guys and liking them. I forget who I was talking to but someone told me I was just too flirty and friendly to not bother with guys. Which may be true, I will talk to anyone...but who wants that in a girlfriend; meaning who'd want me in a girlfriend? And most of my ex's would say looking back it's not me. I probably gave up in half of those relationships, but I don't think I feel bad about it. I do think that those couple of guys who dumped me for hotter guys were better off, and the rest who we just conflicted. I don't want to go through that again, I don't want anyone to have to put up with me because it just shouldn't be like that...
write later...
comment please XO!
I was thinking about things, and spending a whole long time reading people's journals. After reading Steph's and even Liz's lists of things she wants in a guy it's just occured to me. Everything just sort of came at one time. Steph (you if you read this) has no need to worry. A certain someone has liked her for a very long time; on and off over a couple of months. I told this guy yesterday I was so envious of him. Not that he has a girlfriend or anything, just becuase he likes Steph so much. I don't know if he spills his heart to her, but you can always sort of tell, and it's as though they couldn't talk for years and the minute he sees her he's just back to liking her. I want that, I think everyone wants that. And Steph ( you ) or she is so lucky she has him always falling for her, and I know we're not super tight, so who knows if you'll ever read this, but I am so jealous of his cute little crush for you :) ... And onto Liz's journal. Her list of 51 things she wants in a guy is so adorable. I can't come up with 51 things I want in a guy. God knows I thought I'd take a break from guys but that doesn't seem to be happening. I don't want to go searching for guys with a huge checklist. But oddly enough, Liz managed to get her guy and I forget exactly wrote but I commented on her journal of her relationship with Nino. Now mind you, Liz is my best friend, no wait she is my sister. I think she said to me she thought she was in love but she wasn't, it ended in a mess, but somehow they patched things up, and without going through the drama again...they have that sort of love for each other. Not love-love just they have that respect that " I gave you my love, and we're over, but I still think you're wonderful " that's the feeling I get when I talk to them. And that's the feeling I want. I had pondered for a while, I don't think I am ready for a guy, or vice versa. I feel bad for any guy who just has to deal with my bullshyt and I don't have a great amount of self-confidence but I am fine in saying I don't feel I am a good person, I don't think I am worthy of anything/anybody. And I'm not 'fishing for compliments' like when people say they're fat just to hear they're not. But, sometimes I just really believe I'm not anything. So why should a guy have to deal with that? Then that mood fades, and I am back to like guys and liking them. I forget who I was talking to but someone told me I was just too flirty and friendly to not bother with guys. Which may be true, I will talk to anyone...but who wants that in a girlfriend; meaning who'd want me in a girlfriend? And most of my ex's would say looking back it's not me. I probably gave up in half of those relationships, but I don't think I feel bad about it. I do think that those couple of guys who dumped me for hotter guys were better off, and the rest who we just conflicted. I don't want to go through that again, I don't want anyone to have to put up with me because it just shouldn't be like that...
write later...
comment please XO!