(no subject)
Title: The Talk
Author:cat_13145
Warnings: Slash, Dick/Roy, Bucky/Toro, hints of Bruce/Clark and Tim/Kon
Rating: PG 13
A/N: written in sequel to this fic: ( http://community.livejournal.com/cap_ironman/482492.html#cutid1), but you don't have to have it for this to make sense. Just read if you're curious what Oracle's camera's picked up.
Beta: truthiness_aura,
Summary: Bruce Tries to give Tim "The Talk."
“You’re planning what?” Barbara Gordon stared at her monitor.
“To have a talk with Tim.” Batman’s cowl stared back at her. “You said yourself, the more we pull them apart, the more they’re going to get together. The important thing is that they do it responsibly!”
“Of course. It’s just...” Barbara shook her head. “I never remember you having this discussion with Dick, or Jason.”
Bruce shrugged. “Dick...there was never a good time. And Jason....” He paused. “Jason appeared to be well versed in that area.”
That Babs couldn’t argue with. With his history Jason knew more about sex, whether safe, risky, straight, gay, or other, than any of the heroeson either world, and that included Mia.
“So do I have your word?”
Babs smiled. “You have my word all my listening devices will be turned off for the duration.”
That didn’t mean she was going to miss this.
Humming slightly to herself, she dialled a number.
*****
“Give up yet, old timer?”
“Not on your life, svoloch.”
Bucky paired his remark with a strong tug on the line connecting them. Even though Jason was expecting it, he was no match for the strength of the metal arm, and ended up on his ass.
“Give up?” Bucky asked grinning.
“No way.” Jason was a little sorry they weren’t fighting outside, where he could have thrown earth into Cap’s former sidekick’s smug face, but a Bat was adaptable. He aimed a kick low, catching Bucky’s legs and sending the man sprawling to the floor.
“Telephone.” Toro Raymond stood at the top of the stairs, looking at the pair of them sprawled there as though they were 6 years old and fighting in the mud.
“Saved by the bell,” Bucky muttered, unlocking the cuffs off his and Jason’s wrists as Toro held out the phone.
“Oracle” was all he said. Jason grinned.
“Hi Babs, what’s up?”
“Guess who's planning to give “The Talk” to Tim?”
Jason shrugged. “No idea. Boy Blunder.”
“Nope.” Babs sounded triumphant. “Bruce.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No.”
“This I’ve got to see.”
“Good.” Babs said, smiling. “Then you won’t mind using those cameras you’ve got installed in the Batcave. And don’t deny they’re there,” she added. “Alfred moans about having to clean them.”
She watched as Jason weighed up the situation, balancing Bruce’s probable anger and horror against his desire to see the show.
“Alright,” he said softly, a smile that meant trouble spreading across his cheeks. “I’ll do that. IF you use your cameras to capture Cap’s “talk” with Billy.”
“No way!”
“What? You thought Bruce would be the only one concerned by what they saw in the cupboard? Avengers are better at this looking out for next generation stuff.”
Babs ignored the insult, considering her options.
“Deal!”
*****
Bruce had decided to do the talk in the Cave just before they left for patrol. That way, he couldn’t chicken out (Wally had informed him he had ten bucks riding on Bruce doing just that), and they would be able to avoid each other for the rest of the night, reducing the awkwardness of the moment.
Drawing a deep breath, and praying that Two Face would break out of Arkham (he wasn’t desperate enough to wish for the Joker. Yet), he made his way down the stairs.
“Tim,” he said, watching as his youngest son spun around from the computer. “We need to talk.”
Tim nodded, frowning slightly. “Everything O.K., Bruce?”
“It has come to my attention that you've reached an age where your body is changing and you're starting to experience certain feelings.” Tim was still looking slightly confused. “After the...events of last weekend, I feel there are certain...issues we should discuss.”
“Bruce.” Tim interrupted. “I’ve done this already with school. You remember you signed the permission slip.”
“Yes.” Bruce agreed, even though he didn’t. But they, almost certainly, would have operated under the assumption that you would interested in girls, so they may have missed, or not emphasized sufficiently, some key points.”
“I know.” Tim said, patiently. “That’s why I went and talked to Dick and Roy.”
“Dick and Roy?” Bruce repeated numbly. Tim nodded.
“They went over the mechanics and the risks with me, and Jason gave the protection talk just before he left.”
“Jason?” Bruce repeated, but he recovered quickly. “Nevertheless, neither of their romantic history should be used as a guide.”
“Yeah.” Tim agreed, calmly. “That’s why Alfred had a talk with me last week.”
“Alfred had this talk with you?”
Tim nodded.
“And he never told me.”
Tim shrugged. “Anyway, as I told you last week, there’s nothing between Billy and me. We were playing Truth or Dare, everyone was a bit drunk, which I know we’re too young to be and won’t happen again, and Topspin dared Billy and me to kiss in the cupboard for three minutes.” He shuffled his feet. “We didn’t know Hawkeye and Ollie were going to hit it with an exploding arrow.”
Bruce still seemed to be processing the information.
“Nevertheless, may I offer some advice?”
“Of course.” Tim said.
“One, always use protection, especially if you’re with someone with superpowers. And make sure it’s adequate, if you're with someone with superpowers.”
Tim nodded. “O.K.”
“Second, no means no and that goes both ways. If someone tries to take it further than you are happy with, resist and desist.”
Tim grinned.
“Gotcha ya.”
“Three, if everything seems to be going well, something must be wrong; usually the person is planning to kill you or destroy you.”
Tim frowned at this, but he didn’t protest.
“And four,” this was going to be embarrassing; “Never let a Kryptonian top first time.”
“Why?” Tim asked.
“Keep making eyes at Superboy and you’ll find out.”
He walked away from the cave, feeling both Tim’s eyes and the electronic eyes of the camera on him.
Well, they were bound to find out sooner or later.