(no subject)
I had a nice weekend at Ivan's cabin. I expected it to perhaps be a touch more relaxing and less energy-draining than it was, but in retrospect that was just silly. I had a nice time though. Especially looking at the stars. I saw my first ever shooting star. It was actually really thrilling.
I'm taking some interesting courses in the fall. It's weird knowing I'll convocate this spring if all goes well. I'm going to get my tattoo then. I should probably get on a wait list like.. last week.
Today when we got home, Jay and I ate pizza and watched Crank, legitimately the worst movie I've ever seen. And I say that about not that many movies, since my standards are low.
I don't feel like I feel much lately. I'm head over heels in love, but I feel sort of numb about most other parts of my life for one reason or another. Family seems uninviting. I adore my close relatives, but a lot of aunts and uncles make me feel like I'm not good enough. My mom mentioned today that one of my aunts was asking about me and said that she'd been worrying about my safety and happiness, but seriously, if that's true then it's news to me. Some of my family are just so cold and condescending. I guess the disadvantage of having such a close knit family is that drama hurts a lot more when it comes from the people you count closest and most reliable.
School and the future scare the everliving daylights out of me because right now it's so uncertain. I don't know what the heck to do. I feel like I can only be validated by a masters degree because I don't have a professional degree. Even when I was little and my sister went to university, she wasn't particularly expected to have to do more school after (although she did) but now when I tell people my major, it's all "so what will you do next?" I DON'T KNOW.
I feel a little better lately about myself too. Earlier this summer I was having a hideous bout of I'm-ugly-based low self esteem. I felt like I could never even hope to be average looking. Now I'm starting to come out of my slump. I really do worry a little when I get so down on myself because I never want to be that person who is controlled by the idea of being ultra-thin and flawless looking again. Not only does it scare me from a psychological standpoint, it also seems silly when given the fact that I'm in no way deformed (and have whom I'd consider a likely candidate for sexiest guy in the universe as my committed lifelong partner in makeouts and crime) I should probably be focusing on slightly more important parts of living. Anyway no matter how I slice it I feel better about how I look these days. And fuck anyone who doesn't think I'm pretty too!
So here are some bullet-point highlights from the past days and weeks:
I'm taking some interesting courses in the fall. It's weird knowing I'll convocate this spring if all goes well. I'm going to get my tattoo then. I should probably get on a wait list like.. last week.
Today when we got home, Jay and I ate pizza and watched Crank, legitimately the worst movie I've ever seen. And I say that about not that many movies, since my standards are low.
I don't feel like I feel much lately. I'm head over heels in love, but I feel sort of numb about most other parts of my life for one reason or another. Family seems uninviting. I adore my close relatives, but a lot of aunts and uncles make me feel like I'm not good enough. My mom mentioned today that one of my aunts was asking about me and said that she'd been worrying about my safety and happiness, but seriously, if that's true then it's news to me. Some of my family are just so cold and condescending. I guess the disadvantage of having such a close knit family is that drama hurts a lot more when it comes from the people you count closest and most reliable.
School and the future scare the everliving daylights out of me because right now it's so uncertain. I don't know what the heck to do. I feel like I can only be validated by a masters degree because I don't have a professional degree. Even when I was little and my sister went to university, she wasn't particularly expected to have to do more school after (although she did) but now when I tell people my major, it's all "so what will you do next?" I DON'T KNOW.
I feel a little better lately about myself too. Earlier this summer I was having a hideous bout of I'm-ugly-based low self esteem. I felt like I could never even hope to be average looking. Now I'm starting to come out of my slump. I really do worry a little when I get so down on myself because I never want to be that person who is controlled by the idea of being ultra-thin and flawless looking again. Not only does it scare me from a psychological standpoint, it also seems silly when given the fact that I'm in no way deformed (and have whom I'd consider a likely candidate for sexiest guy in the universe as my committed lifelong partner in makeouts and crime) I should probably be focusing on slightly more important parts of living. Anyway no matter how I slice it I feel better about how I look these days. And fuck anyone who doesn't think I'm pretty too!
So here are some bullet-point highlights from the past days and weeks:
- My cat jumped out the window while we were at Ivan's cabin. That's (count em) two stories. Cat appears unharmed.
- I made myself a little bit ill last night. Drinking a bunch, having drank a bunch the night before, people smoking pot (which smells AWFUL), having gone swimming while drunk and having eaten some unsettling combinations of food made for an uncomfortable hour or so last night.
- I missed bellydancing last week and consequently and itching to dance!
- I picked up playing Viva Pinata again when Jay bought a big old hot television. I'm now a level 33 gardener. Ask me about cute pinatas!
- I could really use some Indian food in the near future.
- I'm reading Harrius Potter et Philosophi Lapis now! I love Latin!