a fighter's reflection
so i've mentioned in the past that my mama instilled this "fighter" in me. and this "fighter" came out and said hello last nite...BUT based on conversations with my Little Sister, Anais, and some UTEC teens in the car ride, I am reflecting...and learning...see - who says older peeps can't learn from younger?!?
anyway, so let me provide some background:
we were at six flags in NH yesterday (and i'm already a bit biased about NH - or at least parts of it) and Anais & I were standing in line to get served at some concession stand (mmmm...soda refills, cotton candy!) and once we get to the front of the line, the woman (a white woman) told me after i gave our order, "i would get that for you, but you need to be in line."
that took me by surprise since she just served someone ahead of me, and i responded, "oh, i thought i was in line...but that's fine, i'll get behind these folks then."
tell me this same woman doesn't help several more people (also white) getting in the same line i was asked to leave right before my eyes. "oh NO, she didn't!" but yes, it's true...she did. i was horrified.
so by the time i get up to the front of our line and after this woman served the 3rd or 4th customer after i was asked to leave her line, i ask her, "Excuse me, why is it that you told me you couldn't serve me when i was in your line and then i see you serve several others after me in this same line?"
She then looked shocked...then apologized.
Obviously, by that time, i was so fired up - the apology meant nothing. i continued to berate her about how rude it was, how she should never treat others like that, is it a race factor?, does she think i don't have the money to pay?...yeah, i admit, i went off. And made a scene.
then i asked to speak to her supervisor. same thing there...a woman of color though and her face seemed to light up when i mentioned the racial factor. but she still gave me some lame ass excuses ("it's been real busy today") and then apologized as well. i finally just asked her to make sure her workers are accountable & that it never happens again.
anyway, i've always been more of a verbal fighter than a physical fighter. which i take pride in. but obviously too much pride. here's some reflections & lessons learned:
- keep my cool, don't get too fired up
- handle situation without anyone around me, esp. others i know - esp. youth (Anais). try to pull that person aside without others (customers/co-workers) around. don't need to make a scene - personal attacks can be outrageous - verbal violence is almost as bad as physical violence (conversation with teens in car earlier)
- don't bring up race factor so much as it makes me look like the "angry brown woman" - instead, do it subtly
- pick my battles - don't always have to bring in their supervisors, etc.
- don't take things personally (the hardest of the Four Agreements) but don't let important things slide either
anyway, so let me provide some background:
we were at six flags in NH yesterday (and i'm already a bit biased about NH - or at least parts of it) and Anais & I were standing in line to get served at some concession stand (mmmm...soda refills, cotton candy!) and once we get to the front of the line, the woman (a white woman) told me after i gave our order, "i would get that for you, but you need to be in line."
that took me by surprise since she just served someone ahead of me, and i responded, "oh, i thought i was in line...but that's fine, i'll get behind these folks then."
tell me this same woman doesn't help several more people (also white) getting in the same line i was asked to leave right before my eyes. "oh NO, she didn't!" but yes, it's true...she did. i was horrified.
so by the time i get up to the front of our line and after this woman served the 3rd or 4th customer after i was asked to leave her line, i ask her, "Excuse me, why is it that you told me you couldn't serve me when i was in your line and then i see you serve several others after me in this same line?"
She then looked shocked...then apologized.
Obviously, by that time, i was so fired up - the apology meant nothing. i continued to berate her about how rude it was, how she should never treat others like that, is it a race factor?, does she think i don't have the money to pay?...yeah, i admit, i went off. And made a scene.
then i asked to speak to her supervisor. same thing there...a woman of color though and her face seemed to light up when i mentioned the racial factor. but she still gave me some lame ass excuses ("it's been real busy today") and then apologized as well. i finally just asked her to make sure her workers are accountable & that it never happens again.
anyway, i've always been more of a verbal fighter than a physical fighter. which i take pride in. but obviously too much pride. here's some reflections & lessons learned:
- keep my cool, don't get too fired up
- handle situation without anyone around me, esp. others i know - esp. youth (Anais). try to pull that person aside without others (customers/co-workers) around. don't need to make a scene - personal attacks can be outrageous - verbal violence is almost as bad as physical violence (conversation with teens in car earlier)
- don't bring up race factor so much as it makes me look like the "angry brown woman" - instead, do it subtly
- pick my battles - don't always have to bring in their supervisors, etc.
- don't take things personally (the hardest of the Four Agreements) but don't let important things slide either