(no subject)
title: nights like those
fandom: twilight
ship: jacob/bella
After that fateful first day, Edward Cullen never returned to school.
He was a deeply puzzling mystery to Bella, one that she deeply wanted to solve, a uniquely interesting thing in Forks. She longed to fathom the reason for the unabashed, unreasonable hatred she had seen in his dark eyes. And silly as it was, she couldn't help but think that she was the reason for his unexplained absence.
But he was gone, leaving her without a lab partner and deeply puzzled.
The rest of the Cullens followed Edward's example about a week later. Dr. Cullen had been offered a high-profile job in Los Angeles, and the family decamped from Forks with all deliberate speed. Bella had a hard time trying to picture their pale, cruel beauty against a sunny backdrop of palm trees and sand.
*
Getting used to life in Forks was easier said than done. Forks was dull, dreary, wet, and depressing. There was nothing and no one to distract her or cheer her up. The saving grace was that the Cullens' abrupt departure had provided a new topic of gossip other than her arrival. Everyone else at school had come to accept her presence there as normal, no longer an oddity. Everyone, that was, except for Bella herself.
Honestly, she was miserable there. The first two months in Forks seemed to pass at a snail's pace. A large part of her screamed to go back to Renee, but she exerted the force of reason. Her classmates were more accepting and much more friendly to her here than the kids had ever been in Phoenix.
Plus, she owed it to Charlie to stay. He may not say it, but she knew he was glad to have her. If he'd had it his way, she and her mother never would have left Forks in the first place, after all. And Renee deserved to be happy, a newlywed with Phil, not worrying about her. She could stick it out here, and she would. She just wished it wasn't so boring.
*
Theoretically, she did have friends. She often made plans with Jessica, Angela, Mike, and the others. But they were more friendships of convenience than anything, and while Bella liked all of them well enough, she couldn't seem to make any sort of connection with any of them. But she regularly tagged along with them on various outings, because, as she told herself, it was better than nothing.
*
Anywhere else but Forks, the beach would have meant bathing suits and brightly colored towels, flip-flops, sunscreen, heat. But here, it included rain slickers and umbrellas, but also layers one could peel off, just in case.
She grumbled about this in the parking lot of Newton's, but no one could sympathize. Although Mike pretended to, in some sort of attempt to show her how perfect they would be together. Bella responded to his attempts at conversation politely, but found herself wondering how long this would last before Mike figured out she had no interest in him.
Bella couldn't help feeling that she had a very long day ahead of her.
*
Therefore, meeting Jacob Black on the beaches of La Push that day was an incredibly welcome occurrence. It turned out she knew him -- not really, but almost. He and his father were old family friends, the ones who had sold her beautiful, bulky truck to Charlie. She readily jumped into conversation with him, at first in an attempt to avoid Mike. But Jake was easy to talk to, and soon she had no ulterior motives for engaging his presence, only the enjoyment of his company.
He was charming, and beautiful in his own way. His skin was an alluring mix of red and brown, his hair long and silky black. But he was also young, and when she asked he told her that he was only fifteen.
They walked along the edge of the water together, and he told her old tribal legends and ghost stories that made her laugh. Jacob was a naturally cheerful person, someone she found herself drawn to. Here was the first person she had found in her new life that she found herself excited about befriending.
When the night was over, she gave him a quick, fleeting hug goodbye and extricated from him a promise to visit her in Forks. He watched her go, grinning.
*
Her house keys dropped to the kitchen counter with a soft series of clangs when she returned home that night. She called out a greeting to Charlie, who lumbered into the kitchen a few minutes later, presumably during a commercial.
He asked about her evening, and when she told him she had met Jake he nodded approvingly. "He's a good kid."
There was a pause, uncomfortable.
"Don't break his heart, Bells, okay?"
*
The following week was a puzzling one. The terrifying prospect of a school dance was looming on the weekend's horizon, and Bella was asked to attend in least three separate incidents throughout the week. It was mystifying to her how she could evoke such a completely different response from the male population here than she ever had in Phoenix.
She was flattered, really. But there was no way in hell she'd be going any place where dancing was the main activity. She didn't care who asked her.
None of her friends seemed to feel the same way, however, and when Saturday night dawned she had no plans whatsoever.
She was in the middle of making dinner when Charlie remembered to tell her that he'd invited the Blacks over for dinner that night.
A little advance warning would have been nice; Bella was only making enough spaghetti for two. But that was quickly rectified, and she sped upstairs to change into jeans in order to look more presentable for company.
*
Dinner was pleasant enough. Billy and Jake were both equally happy to exclaim over her expert culinary skills, and afterwards they had moved en masse to the living room to watch the game, but Bella had quickly grown bored. She left quietly to sit out on the porch steps, taking in the cool evening air.
Something was troubling her and she had come out here to think. She had noticed the looks Jake had been giving her all night, similar to those she received from Mike Newton and company. He wanted more from her than she was prepared to give.
Charlie's words from the week before echoed in her heads and she wondered if encouraging a friendship with Jacob would be selfish when he would be hoping for something else.
Because while Bella wanted to be his friend more than anything, she didn't want anything beyond that. He was too young, regardless, but more so, Bella was just not the kind of person who dated at all.
She was pondering what this meant for her future with Jake, whether there should be one at all, when the door behind her squeaked open and he was suddenly sitting beside her.
They were deep in conversation before Bella even realized it. And that's when she knew that there was no resisting it: they were going to be friends whether she liked it or not.
*
The academic year was rapidly drawing to a close, and the weeks were busy. Finals, projects, extra homework piled up, especially for Bella. She had more to catch up on than the rest of the class, having entered the class late in the year. Despite the fact that she had been in more advanced classes in Phoenix, the work load was large, and probably two months passed in quick succession before she saw Jacob again.
During that time, she somehow ended up on a disastrous date with Mike, one she had thought was a group outing all the way up to the lobby of the movie theatre. By that time it was too late to do anything about it, and she spent the whole movie as far away from him as possible on the edge of her seat.
*
When Bella and Jacob saw each other again, freshly out of school for the summer, he'd had an ungodly growth spurt. He was long and lanky, with the beginnings of muscles. He looked older than he had only a few months ago, but he was the same sweet, charming boy he'd always been.
He cheered her up considerably, lightening her depression and staving off her boredom. He was like her personal sun, a replacement for the sun she'd left behind when she moved here.
She worried briefly about his feelings for her, but put it determinedly out of her head. She only had to be clear about her intentions, and he would just have to deal with his feelings himself.
They were practically inseparable for the rest of the summer. She rapidly began to consider him as her best friend, and they spent most of their days in La Push, walking along the beach, or she would lie around the garage while he worked on the Rabbit. She met Quil and Embry, who would join them on occasion, but it was usually just the two of them.
Sometimes they were in Forks, or went to Port Angeles, but it was usually La Push. She loved it, because it savored so strongly of him that she could never feel unhappy there.
*
He had habits that troubled her sometimes. Holding her hand, hugging her often and closely, playing with her hair.
"I'm not your girlfriend, Jake," she reminded him often, carefully.
He would only grin. "Not yet."
*
She spent months working up the courage to go cliff diving with him, and she finally made the jump as summer came to a close. Off the lower peak, of course, and Jake was there with her every step of the way. She was terrified out of her wits, but she knew it would be okay because he was there next to her. She flung herself over the edge, and the rush of adrenaline was exhilarating.
*
A tradition formed for summer evenings. Almost every night, Bella and Jake would lay in the bed of her truck on top of old quilts and blankets pilfered from home. She'd park the truck in an empty field just off the reservation where the stars were visible, and they would lay next to each other and just stare upwards.
When he took her hand on nights like those, she couldn't bare to pull it away.
*
They had a game they liked to play with each other. They might have two years age difference in reality, but to them, their ages were negotiable. He was always giving himself more years than he deserved, but Bella didn't mind because she still had a couple of years on him.
*
Once, he nodded off while they were stargazing, and he shifted in his sleep so that his body was curled into her side, his face buried in her hair and an arm slung tight around her waist.
Part of Bella told herself to pull away, wake him up, do anything. But she could feel his breath, warm on her neck in a steady, steady rhythm, and soon she was asleep too.
*
Jacob wasn't really sleeping at all.
*
When school started again, she missed him terribly during the days. She drove up to see him nearly three times a week after school, teasing him mercilessly about his still being to young to drive. When it came to the weekends, she had worked out a schedule to spend Friday nights with her school friends and all of Saturday and most of Sunday with him.
The Friday nights were necessary because everyone at school was convinced she was in love with that kid from La Push.
"I'm not dating him," she protested weakly, but no one would believe her except for Angela.
*
The thing about Angela Weber was that Bella actually liked her. That was a pleasant, unexpected development. Her friends at school were viewed by Bella as a matter of necessity, their presence only to be endured.
But Angela was different: mature, quiet, and insightful. She was the only person at Forks High she would even think about introducing to Jake.
After she did, Angela nodded in a perceptive, approving way. "Now I understand perfectly."
*
Bella and Jake both cut class on his sixteenth birthday. The Rabbit was still unfinished, so she drove him to Port Angeles so he could take his driving test right away. He passed, of course, and they spent the rest of the day with him behind the wheel of her ancient truck, windows down on the highway.
They had to be at their separate homes by the time school let out, however. Billy didn't care about Jake missing school every once in a while. In fact he was in on their plan for that day. But in Bella's case, she knew her truancy would put Charlie in an awkward position as Chief of Police. Deception was in order.
So when the two families got together that night to celebrate, Bella and Jacob had to act as if they hadn't seen each other all day. When the door swung open to admit Billy and Jake, she made a show of squealing a birthday greeting, wrapping Jake in a hug, and pressing a kiss to his cheek.
*
She was a tantalizing, tempting, flawless, type of woman. He loved her with every fiber of his being, and while he knew she didn't want him in exactly the same way, just being around her was enough.
But then she kissed him, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could last.
*
She liked to braid his hair, when there was nothing else to do. His hair, long and silky, was one of her favorite things about him. She knew he hated how his hair looked when she finished, but he let her do it anyway and wouldn't take it out until after she left.
He was so careless with it when he threw it into a ponytail, and she just thought hair like his deserved to be treated with respect.
*
He called her, unexpectedly, on a Friday evening. She was getting ready to meet Angela, and was caught off guard. But he had just finished the Rabbit that afternoon, and this warranted a special break from tradition. Bella had told him that for her to miss the Rabbit's maiden voyage would be unforgivable.
She called Angela to cancel, and scrambled onto the porch to wait for his arrival.
*
Sometimes she would dream about kissing him, legs entwined, breathing heavy.
But when she woke up in the cold light of day, she told herself it didn't matter what their negotiable ages were. In reality, he was too young, and their friendship too precious to risk.
*
"How many years do I earn for this?"
She begrudgingly awarded him five years for his display of automotive and mechanical skills. He grinned wickedly as he did the mental tabulation. "I'm older than you, now."
The realization startled her.
*
When the night was over, Jake walked her to her front door, and there was a pause, the two of them standing in the dark under the yellow porch light.
He was hunched over, his face near to hers, and he was staring at her with an odd look in his eyes that she was having an uncharacteristically hard time interpreting.
"Bells..." he whispered, and she felt his hand snaking up the back of her neck and into her hair. He was so close now. He was warm, his scent enticing, and she couldn't think straight, but now she understood.
The kiss was hesitant and soft. His lips were pressed to hers sweetly, and it lasted for all of two seconds. He stepped away from her completely but bored his eyes into hers, trying to gauge her reaction.
Bella quickly realized that she had no idea how on earth to react. She had never expected or planned for this. Two different halves of her mind were screaming at her, warring internally, and she had no idea which side to listen to.
So instead of dealing with it, she whispered a hurried goodbye and disappeared into the house.
*
Trying to sleep that night proved impossible. She was tossing and turning endlessly, her restless mind refusing to let her body rest either.
Jacob was occupying her every thought, trying to force her into a decision she had refused to make earlier. She loved him; that much she knew and would readily admit. He was infinitely important to her, and if she ever lost him she didn't know what she would do.
Would she lose him over this? The possibility sent a jolt of fear straight to her gut. She had never seriously considered dating Jake, and now that it seemed like such a real option, she was feeling supremely confused. She had never wanted anything more than friendship, but now she wasn't so sure.
She drifted into a fitful sleep littered with dreams of him (kissing, touching, tasting). She awoke the next morning, her thoughts just as muddled as ever.
*
The phone call came about an hour after breakfast. He said everything so fast, his voice nervous and unsure, but determined. She couldn't get a word of protest in edgewise, and he hung up on her after he was sure she comprehended.
She hung up the phone, knuckles white from gripping it so tightly, and let the tears leak out of her eyes.
*
I'm so sorry, Bells, I never ever should have done that. I think you've known for awhile now how I feel about you, but I told myself I wouldn't do anything to mess up our friendship. Because you're the most important person to me, Bella. I don't know what I was thinking, really. But you're just so beautiful -- has anyone ever told you that? I guess I just couldn't resist anymore. But that isn't the point. The point is that I shouldn't have done it and I'm so completely sorry... I know how uncomfortable it must have made you, how it freaked you out, and I would never want to do anything to hurt you. So I don't think we should see each other for awhile, just so I can my head on straight and figure things out. So I don't do anything else stupid. Okay? All right, Bella? Yeah, I'm sure. Bye, Bells. I'll miss you.
*
She tried to give him his space, she really did. But it was only one and a half days after his phone call when she found herself driving to La Push, directly after a blazing moment of clarity in the shower.
There was no denying what she felt for Jacob, and it was pointless trying to deny the physical attraction any more. What was there to hold her back, except for silly, ridiculous, teenage fear?
*
She found him in the garage, not working, but staring absent-mindedly at the wall. She cleared her throat, and he looked up, heaving a sigh in her direction.
"Bella, look, I meant what I said on the phone. Just give me a couple days, okay, and then everything can go back--"
"Jake," she interrupted, crouching down across from him on the garage floor. "Just shut up."
Surprisingly, he did.
She knew that this was an opportune moment for her to make some kind of flowery, romantic speech like they were in a movie. But thinks with Jake were never like that, they were simple and real, and that's what made them kind of perfect.
Bella went with with the first thing that popped into her head. "I want you."
Instead of giving him time to react, she crashed her lips into his with a surprising force, because hadn't both of them waited long enough?
*
A little while later, Jacob decided it was the perfect time to give Bella three more years for being such a good kisser.
She smiled happily. They were the same age now.
*
For the two of them, the transition into the new stage of their relationship was seamless. They had been with each other all the time anyway, so the only difference, really, was how they spent that time together.
Like when they were in the garage together, instead of him working under the hood of the Rabbit while she lounged in the back seat, he was there in the car with her. Or, more specifically, on top of her.
The shift was almost imperceptible; everyone had always thought that was how they spent their time together, anyway.
*
For the first few weeks, they couldn't keep their hands off each other. All their time together seemed to be occupied with kissing and groping and experimentation.
Their first time wasn't planned: a boring Sunday in Forks while Charlie was out fishing turned into something else entirely.
It began innocently enough, with Bella needing to get a book from her room, and he followed, mentioning that he'd never seen her room before. Before either of them knew it, they were on her bed, kissing each other with an almost desperate edge.
Clothes were lost; it happened before they had time to even think about it, the two of them fitting together perfectly.
The rush was like nothing they'd ever experienced, not even cliff diving, and after that they were fucking constantly.
*
He liked to sneak up behind her, wrap his arms around her waist, pick her up and swing her in circles. Bella always pretended to be annoyed, put out, but really, she loved it. He knew that better than she did, her laughter tinkling and echoing into the air.
*
Neither of them had to tell the other that they loved them, because they already knew. But it didn't stop them from saying it all the time anyway.
fandom: twilight
ship: jacob/bella
After that fateful first day, Edward Cullen never returned to school.
He was a deeply puzzling mystery to Bella, one that she deeply wanted to solve, a uniquely interesting thing in Forks. She longed to fathom the reason for the unabashed, unreasonable hatred she had seen in his dark eyes. And silly as it was, she couldn't help but think that she was the reason for his unexplained absence.
But he was gone, leaving her without a lab partner and deeply puzzled.
The rest of the Cullens followed Edward's example about a week later. Dr. Cullen had been offered a high-profile job in Los Angeles, and the family decamped from Forks with all deliberate speed. Bella had a hard time trying to picture their pale, cruel beauty against a sunny backdrop of palm trees and sand.
*
Getting used to life in Forks was easier said than done. Forks was dull, dreary, wet, and depressing. There was nothing and no one to distract her or cheer her up. The saving grace was that the Cullens' abrupt departure had provided a new topic of gossip other than her arrival. Everyone else at school had come to accept her presence there as normal, no longer an oddity. Everyone, that was, except for Bella herself.
Honestly, she was miserable there. The first two months in Forks seemed to pass at a snail's pace. A large part of her screamed to go back to Renee, but she exerted the force of reason. Her classmates were more accepting and much more friendly to her here than the kids had ever been in Phoenix.
Plus, she owed it to Charlie to stay. He may not say it, but she knew he was glad to have her. If he'd had it his way, she and her mother never would have left Forks in the first place, after all. And Renee deserved to be happy, a newlywed with Phil, not worrying about her. She could stick it out here, and she would. She just wished it wasn't so boring.
*
Theoretically, she did have friends. She often made plans with Jessica, Angela, Mike, and the others. But they were more friendships of convenience than anything, and while Bella liked all of them well enough, she couldn't seem to make any sort of connection with any of them. But she regularly tagged along with them on various outings, because, as she told herself, it was better than nothing.
*
Anywhere else but Forks, the beach would have meant bathing suits and brightly colored towels, flip-flops, sunscreen, heat. But here, it included rain slickers and umbrellas, but also layers one could peel off, just in case.
She grumbled about this in the parking lot of Newton's, but no one could sympathize. Although Mike pretended to, in some sort of attempt to show her how perfect they would be together. Bella responded to his attempts at conversation politely, but found herself wondering how long this would last before Mike figured out she had no interest in him.
Bella couldn't help feeling that she had a very long day ahead of her.
*
Therefore, meeting Jacob Black on the beaches of La Push that day was an incredibly welcome occurrence. It turned out she knew him -- not really, but almost. He and his father were old family friends, the ones who had sold her beautiful, bulky truck to Charlie. She readily jumped into conversation with him, at first in an attempt to avoid Mike. But Jake was easy to talk to, and soon she had no ulterior motives for engaging his presence, only the enjoyment of his company.
He was charming, and beautiful in his own way. His skin was an alluring mix of red and brown, his hair long and silky black. But he was also young, and when she asked he told her that he was only fifteen.
They walked along the edge of the water together, and he told her old tribal legends and ghost stories that made her laugh. Jacob was a naturally cheerful person, someone she found herself drawn to. Here was the first person she had found in her new life that she found herself excited about befriending.
When the night was over, she gave him a quick, fleeting hug goodbye and extricated from him a promise to visit her in Forks. He watched her go, grinning.
*
Her house keys dropped to the kitchen counter with a soft series of clangs when she returned home that night. She called out a greeting to Charlie, who lumbered into the kitchen a few minutes later, presumably during a commercial.
He asked about her evening, and when she told him she had met Jake he nodded approvingly. "He's a good kid."
There was a pause, uncomfortable.
"Don't break his heart, Bells, okay?"
*
The following week was a puzzling one. The terrifying prospect of a school dance was looming on the weekend's horizon, and Bella was asked to attend in least three separate incidents throughout the week. It was mystifying to her how she could evoke such a completely different response from the male population here than she ever had in Phoenix.
She was flattered, really. But there was no way in hell she'd be going any place where dancing was the main activity. She didn't care who asked her.
None of her friends seemed to feel the same way, however, and when Saturday night dawned she had no plans whatsoever.
She was in the middle of making dinner when Charlie remembered to tell her that he'd invited the Blacks over for dinner that night.
A little advance warning would have been nice; Bella was only making enough spaghetti for two. But that was quickly rectified, and she sped upstairs to change into jeans in order to look more presentable for company.
*
Dinner was pleasant enough. Billy and Jake were both equally happy to exclaim over her expert culinary skills, and afterwards they had moved en masse to the living room to watch the game, but Bella had quickly grown bored. She left quietly to sit out on the porch steps, taking in the cool evening air.
Something was troubling her and she had come out here to think. She had noticed the looks Jake had been giving her all night, similar to those she received from Mike Newton and company. He wanted more from her than she was prepared to give.
Charlie's words from the week before echoed in her heads and she wondered if encouraging a friendship with Jacob would be selfish when he would be hoping for something else.
Because while Bella wanted to be his friend more than anything, she didn't want anything beyond that. He was too young, regardless, but more so, Bella was just not the kind of person who dated at all.
She was pondering what this meant for her future with Jake, whether there should be one at all, when the door behind her squeaked open and he was suddenly sitting beside her.
They were deep in conversation before Bella even realized it. And that's when she knew that there was no resisting it: they were going to be friends whether she liked it or not.
*
The academic year was rapidly drawing to a close, and the weeks were busy. Finals, projects, extra homework piled up, especially for Bella. She had more to catch up on than the rest of the class, having entered the class late in the year. Despite the fact that she had been in more advanced classes in Phoenix, the work load was large, and probably two months passed in quick succession before she saw Jacob again.
During that time, she somehow ended up on a disastrous date with Mike, one she had thought was a group outing all the way up to the lobby of the movie theatre. By that time it was too late to do anything about it, and she spent the whole movie as far away from him as possible on the edge of her seat.
*
When Bella and Jacob saw each other again, freshly out of school for the summer, he'd had an ungodly growth spurt. He was long and lanky, with the beginnings of muscles. He looked older than he had only a few months ago, but he was the same sweet, charming boy he'd always been.
He cheered her up considerably, lightening her depression and staving off her boredom. He was like her personal sun, a replacement for the sun she'd left behind when she moved here.
She worried briefly about his feelings for her, but put it determinedly out of her head. She only had to be clear about her intentions, and he would just have to deal with his feelings himself.
They were practically inseparable for the rest of the summer. She rapidly began to consider him as her best friend, and they spent most of their days in La Push, walking along the beach, or she would lie around the garage while he worked on the Rabbit. She met Quil and Embry, who would join them on occasion, but it was usually just the two of them.
Sometimes they were in Forks, or went to Port Angeles, but it was usually La Push. She loved it, because it savored so strongly of him that she could never feel unhappy there.
*
He had habits that troubled her sometimes. Holding her hand, hugging her often and closely, playing with her hair.
"I'm not your girlfriend, Jake," she reminded him often, carefully.
He would only grin. "Not yet."
*
She spent months working up the courage to go cliff diving with him, and she finally made the jump as summer came to a close. Off the lower peak, of course, and Jake was there with her every step of the way. She was terrified out of her wits, but she knew it would be okay because he was there next to her. She flung herself over the edge, and the rush of adrenaline was exhilarating.
*
A tradition formed for summer evenings. Almost every night, Bella and Jake would lay in the bed of her truck on top of old quilts and blankets pilfered from home. She'd park the truck in an empty field just off the reservation where the stars were visible, and they would lay next to each other and just stare upwards.
When he took her hand on nights like those, she couldn't bare to pull it away.
*
They had a game they liked to play with each other. They might have two years age difference in reality, but to them, their ages were negotiable. He was always giving himself more years than he deserved, but Bella didn't mind because she still had a couple of years on him.
*
Once, he nodded off while they were stargazing, and he shifted in his sleep so that his body was curled into her side, his face buried in her hair and an arm slung tight around her waist.
Part of Bella told herself to pull away, wake him up, do anything. But she could feel his breath, warm on her neck in a steady, steady rhythm, and soon she was asleep too.
*
Jacob wasn't really sleeping at all.
*
When school started again, she missed him terribly during the days. She drove up to see him nearly three times a week after school, teasing him mercilessly about his still being to young to drive. When it came to the weekends, she had worked out a schedule to spend Friday nights with her school friends and all of Saturday and most of Sunday with him.
The Friday nights were necessary because everyone at school was convinced she was in love with that kid from La Push.
"I'm not dating him," she protested weakly, but no one would believe her except for Angela.
*
The thing about Angela Weber was that Bella actually liked her. That was a pleasant, unexpected development. Her friends at school were viewed by Bella as a matter of necessity, their presence only to be endured.
But Angela was different: mature, quiet, and insightful. She was the only person at Forks High she would even think about introducing to Jake.
After she did, Angela nodded in a perceptive, approving way. "Now I understand perfectly."
*
Bella and Jake both cut class on his sixteenth birthday. The Rabbit was still unfinished, so she drove him to Port Angeles so he could take his driving test right away. He passed, of course, and they spent the rest of the day with him behind the wheel of her ancient truck, windows down on the highway.
They had to be at their separate homes by the time school let out, however. Billy didn't care about Jake missing school every once in a while. In fact he was in on their plan for that day. But in Bella's case, she knew her truancy would put Charlie in an awkward position as Chief of Police. Deception was in order.
So when the two families got together that night to celebrate, Bella and Jacob had to act as if they hadn't seen each other all day. When the door swung open to admit Billy and Jake, she made a show of squealing a birthday greeting, wrapping Jake in a hug, and pressing a kiss to his cheek.
*
She was a tantalizing, tempting, flawless, type of woman. He loved her with every fiber of his being, and while he knew she didn't want him in exactly the same way, just being around her was enough.
But then she kissed him, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could last.
*
She liked to braid his hair, when there was nothing else to do. His hair, long and silky, was one of her favorite things about him. She knew he hated how his hair looked when she finished, but he let her do it anyway and wouldn't take it out until after she left.
He was so careless with it when he threw it into a ponytail, and she just thought hair like his deserved to be treated with respect.
*
He called her, unexpectedly, on a Friday evening. She was getting ready to meet Angela, and was caught off guard. But he had just finished the Rabbit that afternoon, and this warranted a special break from tradition. Bella had told him that for her to miss the Rabbit's maiden voyage would be unforgivable.
She called Angela to cancel, and scrambled onto the porch to wait for his arrival.
*
Sometimes she would dream about kissing him, legs entwined, breathing heavy.
But when she woke up in the cold light of day, she told herself it didn't matter what their negotiable ages were. In reality, he was too young, and their friendship too precious to risk.
*
"How many years do I earn for this?"
She begrudgingly awarded him five years for his display of automotive and mechanical skills. He grinned wickedly as he did the mental tabulation. "I'm older than you, now."
The realization startled her.
*
When the night was over, Jake walked her to her front door, and there was a pause, the two of them standing in the dark under the yellow porch light.
He was hunched over, his face near to hers, and he was staring at her with an odd look in his eyes that she was having an uncharacteristically hard time interpreting.
"Bells..." he whispered, and she felt his hand snaking up the back of her neck and into her hair. He was so close now. He was warm, his scent enticing, and she couldn't think straight, but now she understood.
The kiss was hesitant and soft. His lips were pressed to hers sweetly, and it lasted for all of two seconds. He stepped away from her completely but bored his eyes into hers, trying to gauge her reaction.
Bella quickly realized that she had no idea how on earth to react. She had never expected or planned for this. Two different halves of her mind were screaming at her, warring internally, and she had no idea which side to listen to.
So instead of dealing with it, she whispered a hurried goodbye and disappeared into the house.
*
Trying to sleep that night proved impossible. She was tossing and turning endlessly, her restless mind refusing to let her body rest either.
Jacob was occupying her every thought, trying to force her into a decision she had refused to make earlier. She loved him; that much she knew and would readily admit. He was infinitely important to her, and if she ever lost him she didn't know what she would do.
Would she lose him over this? The possibility sent a jolt of fear straight to her gut. She had never seriously considered dating Jake, and now that it seemed like such a real option, she was feeling supremely confused. She had never wanted anything more than friendship, but now she wasn't so sure.
She drifted into a fitful sleep littered with dreams of him (kissing, touching, tasting). She awoke the next morning, her thoughts just as muddled as ever.
*
The phone call came about an hour after breakfast. He said everything so fast, his voice nervous and unsure, but determined. She couldn't get a word of protest in edgewise, and he hung up on her after he was sure she comprehended.
She hung up the phone, knuckles white from gripping it so tightly, and let the tears leak out of her eyes.
*
I'm so sorry, Bells, I never ever should have done that. I think you've known for awhile now how I feel about you, but I told myself I wouldn't do anything to mess up our friendship. Because you're the most important person to me, Bella. I don't know what I was thinking, really. But you're just so beautiful -- has anyone ever told you that? I guess I just couldn't resist anymore. But that isn't the point. The point is that I shouldn't have done it and I'm so completely sorry... I know how uncomfortable it must have made you, how it freaked you out, and I would never want to do anything to hurt you. So I don't think we should see each other for awhile, just so I can my head on straight and figure things out. So I don't do anything else stupid. Okay? All right, Bella? Yeah, I'm sure. Bye, Bells. I'll miss you.
*
She tried to give him his space, she really did. But it was only one and a half days after his phone call when she found herself driving to La Push, directly after a blazing moment of clarity in the shower.
There was no denying what she felt for Jacob, and it was pointless trying to deny the physical attraction any more. What was there to hold her back, except for silly, ridiculous, teenage fear?
*
She found him in the garage, not working, but staring absent-mindedly at the wall. She cleared her throat, and he looked up, heaving a sigh in her direction.
"Bella, look, I meant what I said on the phone. Just give me a couple days, okay, and then everything can go back--"
"Jake," she interrupted, crouching down across from him on the garage floor. "Just shut up."
Surprisingly, he did.
She knew that this was an opportune moment for her to make some kind of flowery, romantic speech like they were in a movie. But thinks with Jake were never like that, they were simple and real, and that's what made them kind of perfect.
Bella went with with the first thing that popped into her head. "I want you."
Instead of giving him time to react, she crashed her lips into his with a surprising force, because hadn't both of them waited long enough?
*
A little while later, Jacob decided it was the perfect time to give Bella three more years for being such a good kisser.
She smiled happily. They were the same age now.
*
For the two of them, the transition into the new stage of their relationship was seamless. They had been with each other all the time anyway, so the only difference, really, was how they spent that time together.
Like when they were in the garage together, instead of him working under the hood of the Rabbit while she lounged in the back seat, he was there in the car with her. Or, more specifically, on top of her.
The shift was almost imperceptible; everyone had always thought that was how they spent their time together, anyway.
*
For the first few weeks, they couldn't keep their hands off each other. All their time together seemed to be occupied with kissing and groping and experimentation.
Their first time wasn't planned: a boring Sunday in Forks while Charlie was out fishing turned into something else entirely.
It began innocently enough, with Bella needing to get a book from her room, and he followed, mentioning that he'd never seen her room before. Before either of them knew it, they were on her bed, kissing each other with an almost desperate edge.
Clothes were lost; it happened before they had time to even think about it, the two of them fitting together perfectly.
The rush was like nothing they'd ever experienced, not even cliff diving, and after that they were fucking constantly.
*
He liked to sneak up behind her, wrap his arms around her waist, pick her up and swing her in circles. Bella always pretended to be annoyed, put out, but really, she loved it. He knew that better than she did, her laughter tinkling and echoing into the air.
*
Neither of them had to tell the other that they loved them, because they already knew. But it didn't stop them from saying it all the time anyway.