Morbid, Dreary , and Depressing January 3rd, 2005
Us as humans, homosapiens, are social animals, we cannot survive alone.
This is exactly the opposite of how I used to see things. In middle school, I always seemed to think I was fine alone, and for the most part it was true. I was Kelsey, I was alone.. well that's what I thought, but thing is, in middle school I wasn't alone, I was never alone. Today was the first day of school, and for the first time in two months.. I was alone, REALLY alone.
++++
In the rain I walked.. alone, wet, cold and lost. Not lost in a sense where I didn't know where I was. Lost, as in, white and faceless. I walked alone and lost in a crowd of roca wear.
++++
School once again became the prison in which I was confined.
++++
There must have been 5 times during my day where I felt asthough I could break down and cry. Cry? why. I highly doubt anyone would notice. just as they wouldn't notice if I were to shrink to 1/3 my size in my chair. Just as they didn't notice that I was sitting down by myself scribing notes silently.
School is fun for some people. Some people have friends, have people to interact with. My interaction at school, is my pen and paper.
++++
This morning as I was dropped off, I tried to convince my father that I didn't go to this school. I walked down the halls by myself, until I saw her, I decided rather than walk for the next half hour by myself I'd walk with her. We were going to the same place anyway.
1st period - ALONE
2nd period - Katy
3rd period - ALONE
4th period - ALONE
5th period - invisible
6th period - Alone, to everyone besides Ms. Dan, ( My savior )
++++
It's sad to think I don't have Mrs. Fiegelstock anymore. There's something so off about her, and I appreciate it. I appreciate her. I will still go into her classroom every wednesday at lunch for the Jew meetings; probably the only thing at school I look forward to.
It might be easier if I would just make friends wiht these.. children..
No, I'd rather choke.
I think that my teachers actually like me better than the kids in my class.
++++
Today while daydreaming in PE, I was imaging being in Mrs. Tanguay's class, imagining what I'd say to her class, I'd say " don't leave, don't grow up too fast, take advantage of this time.. of Mrs. Tanguay, learn what you can, take it in.. listen, because when you get to high school teachers stop caring, they stop listening. "
++++
CONTRADICTION.
++++
I can imagine seeing Mrs. Tanguay, listening to her lectures, giving her a big hug. Imagine seeing all those little kids, all the kids I liked, all grown now.
.. Am I all grown now?
++++
The thing with my school, or atleast my academy is, there is no one like me.
++++
Truth is god, as long as god lives, so will truth. The truth is.. no one likes me.
++++
I received a paper today in English, it told me I was awesome. If you are the type of person that believes everything you read, Then I am awesome.
++++
Snapple fact: more people in China speak English than in America.
I do not go to school in California anymore, I got to school in Mexico.
___ EDIT: If I go to Public school next year, I will quite possibly commit suicide.
___ EDIT: I went out after school with Annie and Kat, we had a splendid time, and it hailed. I think that every thing is going wonderfully and thus, I am really pleased with life, except school. which I despise to the utmost degree of despyingness. ( not a word. )
___ EDIT: There was an iPod in the car waiting for me after school. I named it Llyod. My dad really loves me, and I really love Lloyd.. and him too..
This is exactly the opposite of how I used to see things. In middle school, I always seemed to think I was fine alone, and for the most part it was true. I was Kelsey, I was alone.. well that's what I thought, but thing is, in middle school I wasn't alone, I was never alone. Today was the first day of school, and for the first time in two months.. I was alone, REALLY alone.
++++
In the rain I walked.. alone, wet, cold and lost. Not lost in a sense where I didn't know where I was. Lost, as in, white and faceless. I walked alone and lost in a crowd of roca wear.
++++
School once again became the prison in which I was confined.
++++
There must have been 5 times during my day where I felt asthough I could break down and cry. Cry? why. I highly doubt anyone would notice. just as they wouldn't notice if I were to shrink to 1/3 my size in my chair. Just as they didn't notice that I was sitting down by myself scribing notes silently.
School is fun for some people. Some people have friends, have people to interact with. My interaction at school, is my pen and paper.
++++
This morning as I was dropped off, I tried to convince my father that I didn't go to this school. I walked down the halls by myself, until I saw her, I decided rather than walk for the next half hour by myself I'd walk with her. We were going to the same place anyway.
1st period - ALONE
2nd period - Katy
3rd period - ALONE
4th period - ALONE
5th period - invisible
6th period - Alone, to everyone besides Ms. Dan, ( My savior )
++++
It's sad to think I don't have Mrs. Fiegelstock anymore. There's something so off about her, and I appreciate it. I appreciate her. I will still go into her classroom every wednesday at lunch for the Jew meetings; probably the only thing at school I look forward to.
It might be easier if I would just make friends wiht these.. children..
No, I'd rather choke.
I think that my teachers actually like me better than the kids in my class.
++++
Today while daydreaming in PE, I was imaging being in Mrs. Tanguay's class, imagining what I'd say to her class, I'd say " don't leave, don't grow up too fast, take advantage of this time.. of Mrs. Tanguay, learn what you can, take it in.. listen, because when you get to high school teachers stop caring, they stop listening. "
++++
CONTRADICTION.
++++
I can imagine seeing Mrs. Tanguay, listening to her lectures, giving her a big hug. Imagine seeing all those little kids, all the kids I liked, all grown now.
.. Am I all grown now?
++++
The thing with my school, or atleast my academy is, there is no one like me.
++++
Truth is god, as long as god lives, so will truth. The truth is.. no one likes me.
++++
I received a paper today in English, it told me I was awesome. If you are the type of person that believes everything you read, Then I am awesome.
++++
Snapple fact: more people in China speak English than in America.
I do not go to school in California anymore, I got to school in Mexico.
___ EDIT: If I go to Public school next year, I will quite possibly commit suicide.
___ EDIT: I went out after school with Annie and Kat, we had a splendid time, and it hailed. I think that every thing is going wonderfully and thus, I am really pleased with life, except school. which I despise to the utmost degree of despyingness. ( not a word. )
___ EDIT: There was an iPod in the car waiting for me after school. I named it Llyod. My dad really loves me, and I really love Lloyd.. and him too..