(no subject)
I can remember just driving. With my head hanging out the window...hair flying all around my face glinting and shining all kinds of colors in the sun. Some turn in Kingfield when it was warm and gorgeous out. Nothing to do other than stare at myself and the trees flying behind in the side mirror. I wonder if it's worth just throwing myself out there and saying whatever I want, just to be broken over and over again. That way when I hear these ridiculous generic responses to actual feeling I'll know what to expect but it won't stop me. I'll just keep going everyday-throwing shame to the side because once you start to expect numb at every corner it just gets boring. I don't mind being alone necessarily. It's just the fact that I know there are people out there that would fly along side with a smile on their face and I just haven't found them yet...it creates some sort of ache that surfaces once in a while. When you feel there's a piece of you out there that you can't sleep well without. When there's upheaval and craziness and jaded shit all over the place-you know there's that ear that's just waiting to pull in your words and turn them back out to comfort for you, but you don't have the right number to dial to reach it. I wonder if it's just nature-that whole wilderness out there that can be so serene or so crazed and careless that will be the only thing fully accepting. That never asks questions....just waits for you to walk and swirl around you until you forget you're walking without someone by your side.