It's just a little crush, not like a faint, every time we touch

[castleofaaarghh]

Alrighty. For the past year I've been trying to figure out if one of my TA's was one of three things: a dork, a nice guy, or a douche in disguise. I think I have finally figured it out. To start this story off right, it began Saturday night, when I saw him at Winslow's. Now, seeing a grad student at a bar isn't unusual, but it was just interesting. I take some quick glances, knowing full well he has either no clue who I am or can't see. We leave shortly after they do without a word spoken. He looked cute out in his usual environment. Then I went to assist him in his experiment today. I was the test subject. He was really nice then and we discussed various things while the test was in progress. Seemed to get along well. Clearly he was just making conversation to make things less awkward, and I was happy to oblige. We talked about the sex play I went to see, he seemed happy to go. So once the testing thing was done I just messaged him the information on fb. I felt weird about doing it, but I was trying to be friendly and hoped it didn't come off more than that. Since I must say, throughout that convo earlier that day did give me a little useless crush. He politely said he wouldn't be able to make it, and I simply responded "aw, that's unfortunate". Not wanting to over step my bounds or put him in a weird position. I know most of this is me over analyzing the situation and blowing subtlety to hell, but even though I'd do horrible and unspeakable things to this man, he is still my teacher...for one more day. I think I would be fine, if not for the dream I had during my nap today. Instead of dreaming of sweet things...I had a dream he was working at some bar I was at. Not only that, I was hitting on him and randomly at some point I leaned back and he shimmied behind me...I distinctly remember I felt it move. Then my car is misplaced or something and nothing more happens. Some guy harrasses me and he disappears, but damn I'd be cool if he asked me out. He won't. I'm sure he sees me as a complete dumbass since I'm not doing well in his class and am 21 to his...god only knows. He did mention he did go back to school, so Im thinking 26...which means little girls like me are out of the question. Besides the fact Im going to leave, and he's graduating. Oh well, it's fun to dream.

I know most of this stems from wanting to be able to be in a relationship. Lord knows I want to be able to fall asleep in someone's arms. But knowing there is no point just makes things worse. Oh well. At least I have my dreams.