{54}
Five Times Sho Thinks Weird Things Are Normal
None (Sho-centric)
PG
inspired by sho's shock when he was told it isn't normal for arashi to know what underwear the other members are wearing.
MONDAY
Sho's lapse of sanity begins on a Monday, which just figures because Mondays are known to mankind as one of the worst days on the planet ever.
From the minute Sho opens his eyes he just knows he should stay in bed. He isn't as groggy as he usually feels first thing in the morning, even going so far as to say that he is actually... well-rested he doesn't wake up tangled in a knot with his sheets, and he doesn't even so much as stumble on his way to the bathroom-- which frightens him more than anything else because he's never walked out of his room without rebounding off his door-frame first.
He decides to test his luck by making breakfast.
-
Shu declares breakfast to be super delicious and excitedly demands to know when Sho learned to cook. With his mind stressed at the arrival of this bad omen, Sho ignores his younger brother's praise and wanders out the door, dazed.
TUESDAY
Work is mostly normal.
He isn't on time, but he isn't late either (or at least he assumes he isn't, because MatsuJun hardly spares him a glance when he walks in and the others are all lazing around). The dressing room is completely quiet for once. It's nice. Sho smiles to himself.
Things go from 'nice' to 'slightly unsettling' when it's time for wardrobe and still no one's said anything. Not even Aiba. He takes a quick inventory of his surroundings.
Ohno is already changed and ready, dozing quietly at the corner of the couch, body hunched more than usual but his head pillowed on Jun's shoulder; Jun doesn't seem to mind it, comfortably settled and waiting for the stylists to call him for make-up.
Something feels strange.
Sho ponders what it could be while he slips out of his street clothes and starts sorting through his outfit for filming today. He throws a glance to Aiba as he changes out of his shirt. The normally motor-mouthed bandmate is grinning to himself and flipping through a recent magazine. Strange, but not unheard of, Sho supposes. They've all had their quiet days before.
Something just feels off.
Sho's in the middle of slipping into his pants when he feels a familiar hand on his ass and an even more familiar voice complimenting his boxers. He glances at Nino over his shoulder. "You don't miss a thing, huh? I just bought them yesterday."
"They're soft," Nino says as he runs his fingers over the material. "Bet they cost you."
"Actually, they were pretty cheap," Sho says as he straightens up and zips his jeans. "I mean, for a new product and all." Nino makes a noise that means he doesn't believe him (but it's just Nino being Nino, the way he always is when it comes to money) and makes his way to the couch to trade places with Jun.
Ohno hardly stirs as Jun gets up, despite only being held up by Jun's palm pressed against his face. If anything, he starts to drool slightly, but when Nino sits down Ohno mumbles something and shifts until he can curl close and bury his nose in Nino's hair-- just a centimeters away from moving onto Nino's lap. Nino smirks at Jun's slight irritation and smugly turns on his DS.
Sho quickly ushers Jun out of the room, the sounds of Aiba's excited suggestions following them down the hall.
It isn't until he's seated in front of the large mirrors, getting his hair sprayed into obedience, that Sho's morning replays in his mind. He jerks in his seat when the stylist has to nearly scream in his ear to get his attention so she can let him know that, "Sakurai-san, you're done, please get out of my chair before you're late to the set".
Jun raises a brow at him as they both vacate the room and Sho feels the need to explain. "I just realized something."
"Ah," Jun says. "That can't be good."
"Something very strange about me," Sho continues. "And Nino."
"You can stop there," Jun interrupts, rubbing at his eyes and walking faster. "I don't want to hear about whatever you and Nino have been doing. Being forced to listen to Aiba yell over the shower walls about what used to happen when they lived together was more than I ever wanted to know."
Sho splutters and turns red.
("We haven't had sex!" Sho insists, much to Jun's distress.
"Ohmygod, please stop screaming that, we're in the hallway.")
-
Filming is over by the time Sho brings it up again and, despite the clear do-not-want expression on Jun's face, the youngest ends up indulging him.
"Fine." Jun sighs, turning a page in his book. "What?"
"Didn't you notice anything weird this morning?"
"Aside from the usual?"
"This morning was really quiet," Sho stresses. He crosses his arms over his chest and tilts his head. "I mean, Aiba-chan was skimming magazines and you were--"
"Your point, please." Jun sounds impatient, which is bad for Sho because he hasn't fully explained it to himself yet.
Sho starts rambling.
"My point is that everything was really calm at first. No one was saying anything, at least not until Nino came in. After he came in and started talking about my new boxers-- after molesting me, MatsuJun, why didn't I notice he was doing that-- everyone started talking. That got me thinking about the other mornings, you know, and I realized that everyone's pretty quiet until Nino comes in and violates someone--"
"Seriously," Jun interrupts again. "So, wait, what you're saying is that our mornings don't officially begun until someone gets molested? Are you really just now noticing this? Just now?"
"...Do not give me that look, Matsumoto, it is perfectly normal that I didn't notice," says Sho, frowning. (It's one of those looks where Jun seems pained and his entire being is screaming 'why, God, am I the one who has to explain these things'.) He uncrosses his arms and groans pathetically. "We're never going to be able to function properly in normal society."
"Probably not." Jun snorts. "But at least I've got a higher chance than you do. I don't humor them often."
Sho wilts.
WEDNESDAY
Beer is great, Sho thinks to himself while hanging out at a college friend's last-minute-excuse-for-a-party. And so are normal friends that don't grope him as he changes, his sober mind tacks on.
Glass after glass goes down and he's happy that most of the people here have a good enough tolerance for alcohol. Even now, after about an hour or so, everyone's only just skating past 'pleasantly buzzed' and more into the 'more than slightly tipsy' level.
Sho comes back from one of his bathroom trips and frowns when he sees one of the drunks sprawled on the couch, his cushion no longer empty and all other seats taken.
"Hey," he grumps, prodding the man-- some underclassman that he didn't remember the name of. Kazesomething, his mind supplies helpfully. "Hey, Kazesomething. Get up. You're in my seat."
"He's out, Sho-kun," another classmate says, laughing. "There's plenty of space down here, though."
Sho really does not want to sit on the floor.
He throws a leg over Kazesomething's waist, straddling him enough so he can get a hold of his shoulders and yank him up; there's a choked noise from somewhere behind him but he doesn't pay it much attention. He's vaguely reminded of when Aiba passes out after too many bottles and tries shaking him awake. If it works with Aiba sometimes, why not with this kid?
"?!?!?" Kazesomething says, jerking into a state of drunken awareness. "...Sakraiun? Wyre topf me?"
"Um," Sho replies, once he translates the slur into normal words. He quickly stands up. Kazesomething (and the rest of the guys, oh god) are giving him an open-mouthed look.
Shit, he thinks. This is all really awkward.
Kazesomething rolls off the couch and hits the floor with a firm thud.
"...Or that works, too, I guess," He says, weakly.
Sho quickly reclaims his seat and tries convince the couch to swallow him.
--
When he relays what happened to Jun the next morning, Jun gives him a tired glare and requests that Sho please wait until Jun has had some coffee before attempting to obtain any sort of sympathy or otherwise.
THURSDAY
Unexplainable things end up happening during the cooking segment of their shows when the reins are placed in Aiba's easily excited and extra curious hands. It's really not so much that Sho doesn't want to know what caused the cake to explode and shower his friend in a very thick layer of (what he assumes is) ice cream. Even Nino, Jun, and the professional baker they'd invited to the show that day are baffled. (Ohno, however, doesn't sweat the details of 'how' or 'why'; he concerns himself with figuring out what this mystery flavor of ice cream is.)
Somehow or another, Sho's rant about immaturity and badly placed curiosity turns into him comparing Aiba to a child and then proceeding to scold Aiba about how cute he is as he helps clean Aiba's face with a towel. While the cameras are still rolling.
By the time Sho realizes this it's too late and the staff are all giving him the 'this goldmine is definitely not going to be cut from the broadcast' face. Sho does the only thing he can think to do in the face of all this embarrassment and slaps Aiba.
Aiba laughs. "I'll be careful next time, Mom."
-
Jun gets into the habit of putting his headphones on the minute Sho enters the room.
FRIDAY
"Orafra mmfsa," Ohno says cheerfully, when Sho follows his nose into the break room. Ohno's cheeks are puffed from his current mouthful, the aforementioned pizza sitting out on the table and drawing Sho in closer. He may or may not be drooling.
"It smells really good," he says. Or would have said if he hadn't grabbed a slice and stuffed it in his mouth, the delicious taste of pizza melting on his tongue. Literally.
Mmmm pizzaaaaaa.
"I can't believe you're eating that." Nino grimaces. The problem, Sho believes, is not the strange blue color on the pizza, but instead Nino's hatred of good food. It was probably expensive to make this.
MatsuJun walks in, takes one look at the food, and then turns a murderous glare on Aiba. "Why is that pizza the same shade as my missing nail polish?"
Sho chokes on his slice.
--
"You ate my nail polish," Jun hisses. He digs Sho's wallet out from his back pocket, fishing out a couple notes for compensation.
"Your nail polish didn't cost that much!" Sho protests.
"This is also covering the taxi ride there."
With a smile, Ohno grabs for another slice of pizza.
SATURDAY
Schedule-wise, they're running a bit late. Today, all they have to do is film a few episodes of Arashi-chan, but the problem lies in getting everyone dressed and ready before the director gives the call to start. Jun, Nino, and Aiba are already dressed and getting make-up done, and while Sho is half-ready, their leader hasn't even started getting undressed.
Normally, Sho would just let Ohno have his staring contest with the wall, but filming is so close to being done for the day. If they got ready and finished filming within the next couple of hours, Sho could grab some food on his way home.
The promise of food is too much to pass up. With a fond sigh, Sho sets his shirt back down and wanders over to the couch so he can pull Ohno to his feet and get him changed. It takes a few tugs (and the promise of ramen) to get his attention, but Ohno stands up easily, even if his brow crinkles slightly.
"Banzai?" Sho tries with a smile.
Amused, Ohno obediently lifts his arms. His shirt lands in a heap on the couch by his previously removed jacket, and Ohno shivers lightly when the air conditioning kicks on. The look he throws it is so adorable and disgruntled that Sho can't help but laugh as he works to unbuckle his leader's belt.
Ohno's pants are very suggestively hanging off his hips as Sho tosses the belt with the rest of the abandoned clothing, so of course this is when the other members and a stylist choose to come in.
Amidst the awkward staring, frothing embarrassment, and Aiba's high-pitched giggling, Ohno presses closer and slides his arms around Sho's neck.
"Oh, Sho-kun," he says with a tone of mild distress. "And in the dressing room, too!"
--
Even though the meal is spent in complete silence, Sho doesn't regret treating Jun to ramen instead. He figures the youngest could use a reward for being so mature during a week like this.
SUNDAY
As a test of normality, Sho steps into the kitchen and readies the frying pans. The final product ends up drowned in water and sets the smoke detector off when plumes of black start rising from the sizzling pan.
Sho sighs in mild relief.
None (Sho-centric)
PG
inspired by sho's shock when he was told it isn't normal for arashi to know what underwear the other members are wearing.
MONDAY
Sho's lapse of sanity begins on a Monday, which just figures because Mondays are known to mankind as one of the worst days on the planet ever.
From the minute Sho opens his eyes he just knows he should stay in bed. He isn't as groggy as he usually feels first thing in the morning, even going so far as to say that he is actually... well-rested he doesn't wake up tangled in a knot with his sheets, and he doesn't even so much as stumble on his way to the bathroom-- which frightens him more than anything else because he's never walked out of his room without rebounding off his door-frame first.
He decides to test his luck by making breakfast.
-
Shu declares breakfast to be super delicious and excitedly demands to know when Sho learned to cook. With his mind stressed at the arrival of this bad omen, Sho ignores his younger brother's praise and wanders out the door, dazed.
TUESDAY
Work is mostly normal.
He isn't on time, but he isn't late either (or at least he assumes he isn't, because MatsuJun hardly spares him a glance when he walks in and the others are all lazing around). The dressing room is completely quiet for once. It's nice. Sho smiles to himself.
Things go from 'nice' to 'slightly unsettling' when it's time for wardrobe and still no one's said anything. Not even Aiba. He takes a quick inventory of his surroundings.
Ohno is already changed and ready, dozing quietly at the corner of the couch, body hunched more than usual but his head pillowed on Jun's shoulder; Jun doesn't seem to mind it, comfortably settled and waiting for the stylists to call him for make-up.
Something feels strange.
Sho ponders what it could be while he slips out of his street clothes and starts sorting through his outfit for filming today. He throws a glance to Aiba as he changes out of his shirt. The normally motor-mouthed bandmate is grinning to himself and flipping through a recent magazine. Strange, but not unheard of, Sho supposes. They've all had their quiet days before.
Something just feels off.
Sho's in the middle of slipping into his pants when he feels a familiar hand on his ass and an even more familiar voice complimenting his boxers. He glances at Nino over his shoulder. "You don't miss a thing, huh? I just bought them yesterday."
"They're soft," Nino says as he runs his fingers over the material. "Bet they cost you."
"Actually, they were pretty cheap," Sho says as he straightens up and zips his jeans. "I mean, for a new product and all." Nino makes a noise that means he doesn't believe him (but it's just Nino being Nino, the way he always is when it comes to money) and makes his way to the couch to trade places with Jun.
Ohno hardly stirs as Jun gets up, despite only being held up by Jun's palm pressed against his face. If anything, he starts to drool slightly, but when Nino sits down Ohno mumbles something and shifts until he can curl close and bury his nose in Nino's hair-- just a centimeters away from moving onto Nino's lap. Nino smirks at Jun's slight irritation and smugly turns on his DS.
Sho quickly ushers Jun out of the room, the sounds of Aiba's excited suggestions following them down the hall.
It isn't until he's seated in front of the large mirrors, getting his hair sprayed into obedience, that Sho's morning replays in his mind. He jerks in his seat when the stylist has to nearly scream in his ear to get his attention so she can let him know that, "Sakurai-san, you're done, please get out of my chair before you're late to the set".
Jun raises a brow at him as they both vacate the room and Sho feels the need to explain. "I just realized something."
"Ah," Jun says. "That can't be good."
"Something very strange about me," Sho continues. "And Nino."
"You can stop there," Jun interrupts, rubbing at his eyes and walking faster. "I don't want to hear about whatever you and Nino have been doing. Being forced to listen to Aiba yell over the shower walls about what used to happen when they lived together was more than I ever wanted to know."
Sho splutters and turns red.
("We haven't had sex!" Sho insists, much to Jun's distress.
"Ohmygod, please stop screaming that, we're in the hallway.")
-
Filming is over by the time Sho brings it up again and, despite the clear do-not-want expression on Jun's face, the youngest ends up indulging him.
"Fine." Jun sighs, turning a page in his book. "What?"
"Didn't you notice anything weird this morning?"
"Aside from the usual?"
"This morning was really quiet," Sho stresses. He crosses his arms over his chest and tilts his head. "I mean, Aiba-chan was skimming magazines and you were--"
"Your point, please." Jun sounds impatient, which is bad for Sho because he hasn't fully explained it to himself yet.
Sho starts rambling.
"My point is that everything was really calm at first. No one was saying anything, at least not until Nino came in. After he came in and started talking about my new boxers-- after molesting me, MatsuJun, why didn't I notice he was doing that-- everyone started talking. That got me thinking about the other mornings, you know, and I realized that everyone's pretty quiet until Nino comes in and violates someone--"
"Seriously," Jun interrupts again. "So, wait, what you're saying is that our mornings don't officially begun until someone gets molested? Are you really just now noticing this? Just now?"
"...Do not give me that look, Matsumoto, it is perfectly normal that I didn't notice," says Sho, frowning. (It's one of those looks where Jun seems pained and his entire being is screaming 'why, God, am I the one who has to explain these things'.) He uncrosses his arms and groans pathetically. "We're never going to be able to function properly in normal society."
"Probably not." Jun snorts. "But at least I've got a higher chance than you do. I don't humor them often."
Sho wilts.
WEDNESDAY
Beer is great, Sho thinks to himself while hanging out at a college friend's last-minute-excuse-for-a-party. And so are normal friends that don't grope him as he changes, his sober mind tacks on.
Glass after glass goes down and he's happy that most of the people here have a good enough tolerance for alcohol. Even now, after about an hour or so, everyone's only just skating past 'pleasantly buzzed' and more into the 'more than slightly tipsy' level.
Sho comes back from one of his bathroom trips and frowns when he sees one of the drunks sprawled on the couch, his cushion no longer empty and all other seats taken.
"Hey," he grumps, prodding the man-- some underclassman that he didn't remember the name of. Kazesomething, his mind supplies helpfully. "Hey, Kazesomething. Get up. You're in my seat."
"He's out, Sho-kun," another classmate says, laughing. "There's plenty of space down here, though."
Sho really does not want to sit on the floor.
He throws a leg over Kazesomething's waist, straddling him enough so he can get a hold of his shoulders and yank him up; there's a choked noise from somewhere behind him but he doesn't pay it much attention. He's vaguely reminded of when Aiba passes out after too many bottles and tries shaking him awake. If it works with Aiba sometimes, why not with this kid?
"?!?!?" Kazesomething says, jerking into a state of drunken awareness. "...Sakraiun? Wyre topf me?"
"Um," Sho replies, once he translates the slur into normal words. He quickly stands up. Kazesomething (and the rest of the guys, oh god) are giving him an open-mouthed look.
Shit, he thinks. This is all really awkward.
Kazesomething rolls off the couch and hits the floor with a firm thud.
"...Or that works, too, I guess," He says, weakly.
Sho quickly reclaims his seat and tries convince the couch to swallow him.
--
When he relays what happened to Jun the next morning, Jun gives him a tired glare and requests that Sho please wait until Jun has had some coffee before attempting to obtain any sort of sympathy or otherwise.
THURSDAY
Unexplainable things end up happening during the cooking segment of their shows when the reins are placed in Aiba's easily excited and extra curious hands. It's really not so much that Sho doesn't want to know what caused the cake to explode and shower his friend in a very thick layer of (what he assumes is) ice cream. Even Nino, Jun, and the professional baker they'd invited to the show that day are baffled. (Ohno, however, doesn't sweat the details of 'how' or 'why'; he concerns himself with figuring out what this mystery flavor of ice cream is.)
Somehow or another, Sho's rant about immaturity and badly placed curiosity turns into him comparing Aiba to a child and then proceeding to scold Aiba about how cute he is as he helps clean Aiba's face with a towel. While the cameras are still rolling.
By the time Sho realizes this it's too late and the staff are all giving him the 'this goldmine is definitely not going to be cut from the broadcast' face. Sho does the only thing he can think to do in the face of all this embarrassment and slaps Aiba.
Aiba laughs. "I'll be careful next time, Mom."
-
Jun gets into the habit of putting his headphones on the minute Sho enters the room.
FRIDAY
"Orafra mmfsa," Ohno says cheerfully, when Sho follows his nose into the break room. Ohno's cheeks are puffed from his current mouthful, the aforementioned pizza sitting out on the table and drawing Sho in closer. He may or may not be drooling.
"It smells really good," he says. Or would have said if he hadn't grabbed a slice and stuffed it in his mouth, the delicious taste of pizza melting on his tongue. Literally.
Mmmm pizzaaaaaa.
"I can't believe you're eating that." Nino grimaces. The problem, Sho believes, is not the strange blue color on the pizza, but instead Nino's hatred of good food. It was probably expensive to make this.
MatsuJun walks in, takes one look at the food, and then turns a murderous glare on Aiba. "Why is that pizza the same shade as my missing nail polish?"
Sho chokes on his slice.
--
"You ate my nail polish," Jun hisses. He digs Sho's wallet out from his back pocket, fishing out a couple notes for compensation.
"Your nail polish didn't cost that much!" Sho protests.
"This is also covering the taxi ride there."
With a smile, Ohno grabs for another slice of pizza.
SATURDAY
Schedule-wise, they're running a bit late. Today, all they have to do is film a few episodes of Arashi-chan, but the problem lies in getting everyone dressed and ready before the director gives the call to start. Jun, Nino, and Aiba are already dressed and getting make-up done, and while Sho is half-ready, their leader hasn't even started getting undressed.
Normally, Sho would just let Ohno have his staring contest with the wall, but filming is so close to being done for the day. If they got ready and finished filming within the next couple of hours, Sho could grab some food on his way home.
The promise of food is too much to pass up. With a fond sigh, Sho sets his shirt back down and wanders over to the couch so he can pull Ohno to his feet and get him changed. It takes a few tugs (and the promise of ramen) to get his attention, but Ohno stands up easily, even if his brow crinkles slightly.
"Banzai?" Sho tries with a smile.
Amused, Ohno obediently lifts his arms. His shirt lands in a heap on the couch by his previously removed jacket, and Ohno shivers lightly when the air conditioning kicks on. The look he throws it is so adorable and disgruntled that Sho can't help but laugh as he works to unbuckle his leader's belt.
Ohno's pants are very suggestively hanging off his hips as Sho tosses the belt with the rest of the abandoned clothing, so of course this is when the other members and a stylist choose to come in.
Amidst the awkward staring, frothing embarrassment, and Aiba's high-pitched giggling, Ohno presses closer and slides his arms around Sho's neck.
"Oh, Sho-kun," he says with a tone of mild distress. "And in the dressing room, too!"
--
Even though the meal is spent in complete silence, Sho doesn't regret treating Jun to ramen instead. He figures the youngest could use a reward for being so mature during a week like this.
SUNDAY
As a test of normality, Sho steps into the kitchen and readies the frying pans. The final product ends up drowned in water and sets the smoke detector off when plumes of black start rising from the sizzling pan.
Sho sighs in mild relief.