(no subject)
I'm sure everyone else has experienced this, but the last couple days have been my first experiencing this particular sensation: That of not realizing how unhappy and stressed you were until that thing which was causing those feelings is removed.
Matt and I are currently on a break. From our relationship. We decided this yesterday after I finally confronted him about things that he was doing that were more or less breaking my heart little by little. At this point, I see 3 possible outcomes of this break:
1) Most likely - I officially break up with him (or we do so together), we go on hanging out, though not quite as usual, and just be really good friends.
2) Sort of possible - He decides (because I'm probably not going to) that we should still be together, and he (and I guess sort of me, too) makes some pretty big changes.
3) Not very likely at all - He decides (because I'm probably not going to) that we should still be together, but he doesn't make any attempt to change anything, refer back to possibility #1.
We've already established that we still love each other and that even if we break up, we won't be able to get rid of each other. I just don't think we're in love any more. And it's something I didn't realize until he said he wasn't sure he wanted "us" anymore.
I was sure I'd be so completely torn up about this. But I'm not. People have told me I seem happier since yesterday, when Matt and I had our "discussion". And I am. Maybe it sounds terrible, but I'm feeling kind of very relieved. Happy. Muuuuuch less stressed out.
Aimee keeps telling me how calm I'm being about this. I'm not gonna lie, I cried a bit yesterday. But not today. I'm happy and I feel so FUCKING strong and free and individual and all of these things I didn't even realize I wasn't feeling.
And we're on good terms. And I think it'll stay that way. And I'm really happy about that 'cause I don't want to lose him as a friend.
On a completely different note, I'm having to do everything in my power to not start smoking. It's like I'm on a see saw and one side is not smoking and the other side is, and whereas I've always been on the non-smoking side, lately I've been inching further and further towards the other side and right now I'm at the point where it could tip. Ugggg.
That's all for now :D
Matt and I are currently on a break. From our relationship. We decided this yesterday after I finally confronted him about things that he was doing that were more or less breaking my heart little by little. At this point, I see 3 possible outcomes of this break:
1) Most likely - I officially break up with him (or we do so together), we go on hanging out, though not quite as usual, and just be really good friends.
2) Sort of possible - He decides (because I'm probably not going to) that we should still be together, and he (and I guess sort of me, too) makes some pretty big changes.
3) Not very likely at all - He decides (because I'm probably not going to) that we should still be together, but he doesn't make any attempt to change anything, refer back to possibility #1.
We've already established that we still love each other and that even if we break up, we won't be able to get rid of each other. I just don't think we're in love any more. And it's something I didn't realize until he said he wasn't sure he wanted "us" anymore.
I was sure I'd be so completely torn up about this. But I'm not. People have told me I seem happier since yesterday, when Matt and I had our "discussion". And I am. Maybe it sounds terrible, but I'm feeling kind of very relieved. Happy. Muuuuuch less stressed out.
Aimee keeps telling me how calm I'm being about this. I'm not gonna lie, I cried a bit yesterday. But not today. I'm happy and I feel so FUCKING strong and free and individual and all of these things I didn't even realize I wasn't feeling.
And we're on good terms. And I think it'll stay that way. And I'm really happy about that 'cause I don't want to lose him as a friend.
On a completely different note, I'm having to do everything in my power to not start smoking. It's like I'm on a see saw and one side is not smoking and the other side is, and whereas I've always been on the non-smoking side, lately I've been inching further and further towards the other side and right now I'm at the point where it could tip. Ugggg.
That's all for now :D