Diary of a Neglectful Mother
So this was my day.
8:30 - wake up, cuddle toddler in bed, boot my honey and my toddler out of bed, blissful sleep in (Saturday tradition! Saturday morning is *mine*)
10:30 - woken from doze by cup of tea. Mobbed by hon and toddler. Finally evade their clutches by insisting we leave house to procure copy of new Harry Potter book. Bribe them with the possibility of brunch.
10:50 - while driving to bookshop, notice people who have acquired suspiciously heavy book parcels. Hon points amusedly at man leaving bookshop, blatantly reading the last page first.
11:00 - acquire book.
11:05 - eat brunch
11:15 - eye book in brown paper packaging. Toddler eating extremely slowly. Man reading newspaper.
Hon - Just start reading it.
Me - I can't read it here! People will see me read it. I feel exposed and vulnerable.
Hon (rolls eyes)
Todder (eats crumb)
Me - Can I go read it in the car?
Hon - That would be rude.
Toddler (drinks cup of water with excessive politeness)
Me - Eat faster, damn you!
12:00 - we reach car. I read five pages while driving home. Laugh at a funny bit.
Hon - What happened then?
Me - Are you going to do that all afternoon?
Hon - Maybe.
(cutting here for incredibly mild spoilers of early scenes in the book, plus length and self-indulgence of post)
12:10 - home. Put new Jane and the Dragon DVD in for toddler. Sit on couch. Sigh happily.
12:15 - laughs hysterically at scene in which Voldemort measures his wand against that of Lucius Malfoy. 12:20 - glee at appearance of flying motorbike.
12:30 - go very quiet and solemn.
Hon - have you got to that bit yet? (has read small portion of spoiler summary)
Me - maybe. Shut up.
2:00 - evade toddler by taking book to back bedroom.
2:15 - found by toddler. Hon threatens to go to shops without toddler.
Me - I always have to take her to the shops with me!
Me (changes stinky nappy I can no longer pretend not to have noticed)
Hon - I'm taking the girl to the shops with me.
Me - I think I love you more than I ever have before.
4:00 - Hon and toddler return.
Me - You were gone ages! That was *awesome*. You are a god among men.
Hon - Cup of tea? Boston bun?
Me - *loves*
Ahem. Book put aside for 15 minutes in order to drink cuppa, eat Boston bun and communicate with beloved family. Most of this involves explaining my deep and mildly obsessive love for Pansy Parkinson.
Hon - You're off, then?
Me - You realise I left someone being tortured? It is my duty to go back instantly!
4:15 - Back to couch.
4:30 - Smirks.
5:05 - Starts crying quietly.
Hon - oh, this can't be good.
5:30 - Sobs so hysterically that small child starts to get nervous. Apologise to small child. Attempts to console and cuddle small child while still reading book.
6:00 - (punches air) Yes, vindicated!
Hon - So shall we order pizza?
Me - You may do so. As long as you don't talk to me.
(a little while later)
Me (very quietly) - I am leaving the room now, and will be elsewhere until book is finished.
Hon - I think that's for the best.
6:55 - Sends email to GJ, announcing that book is finished.
Me - Want to read a book?
Hon - Hey, the last word isn't 'scar,' then?
Me - Don't read the epilogue first! Peasant.
Of course, at this point you might expect me to sweep toddler into my arms and apologise for whole day of neglectful behavior. But, no...
Me - OK, I am totally going on LJ now. Also, must search for Dumbledore/Grindlewald fanfic.
Toddler - I so don't need you now you have trained me to use the DVD remote. Hi-5 are my substitute parents. Also, Doctor Who is on soon, and I have heard a rumour there will be Daleks.
Hon - Shh, I'm reading here.
8:30 - wake up, cuddle toddler in bed, boot my honey and my toddler out of bed, blissful sleep in (Saturday tradition! Saturday morning is *mine*)
10:30 - woken from doze by cup of tea. Mobbed by hon and toddler. Finally evade their clutches by insisting we leave house to procure copy of new Harry Potter book. Bribe them with the possibility of brunch.
10:50 - while driving to bookshop, notice people who have acquired suspiciously heavy book parcels. Hon points amusedly at man leaving bookshop, blatantly reading the last page first.
11:00 - acquire book.
11:05 - eat brunch
11:15 - eye book in brown paper packaging. Toddler eating extremely slowly. Man reading newspaper.
Hon - Just start reading it.
Me - I can't read it here! People will see me read it. I feel exposed and vulnerable.
Hon (rolls eyes)
Todder (eats crumb)
Me - Can I go read it in the car?
Hon - That would be rude.
Toddler (drinks cup of water with excessive politeness)
Me - Eat faster, damn you!
12:00 - we reach car. I read five pages while driving home. Laugh at a funny bit.
Hon - What happened then?
Me - Are you going to do that all afternoon?
Hon - Maybe.
(cutting here for incredibly mild spoilers of early scenes in the book, plus length and self-indulgence of post)
12:10 - home. Put new Jane and the Dragon DVD in for toddler. Sit on couch. Sigh happily.
12:15 - laughs hysterically at scene in which Voldemort measures his wand against that of Lucius Malfoy. 12:20 - glee at appearance of flying motorbike.
12:30 - go very quiet and solemn.
Hon - have you got to that bit yet? (has read small portion of spoiler summary)
Me - maybe. Shut up.
2:00 - evade toddler by taking book to back bedroom.
2:15 - found by toddler. Hon threatens to go to shops without toddler.
Me - I always have to take her to the shops with me!
Me (changes stinky nappy I can no longer pretend not to have noticed)
Hon - I'm taking the girl to the shops with me.
Me - I think I love you more than I ever have before.
4:00 - Hon and toddler return.
Me - You were gone ages! That was *awesome*. You are a god among men.
Hon - Cup of tea? Boston bun?
Me - *loves*
Ahem. Book put aside for 15 minutes in order to drink cuppa, eat Boston bun and communicate with beloved family. Most of this involves explaining my deep and mildly obsessive love for Pansy Parkinson.
Hon - You're off, then?
Me - You realise I left someone being tortured? It is my duty to go back instantly!
4:15 - Back to couch.
4:30 - Smirks.
5:05 - Starts crying quietly.
Hon - oh, this can't be good.
5:30 - Sobs so hysterically that small child starts to get nervous. Apologise to small child. Attempts to console and cuddle small child while still reading book.
6:00 - (punches air) Yes, vindicated!
Hon - So shall we order pizza?
Me - You may do so. As long as you don't talk to me.
(a little while later)
Me (very quietly) - I am leaving the room now, and will be elsewhere until book is finished.
Hon - I think that's for the best.
6:55 - Sends email to GJ, announcing that book is finished.
Me - Want to read a book?
Hon - Hey, the last word isn't 'scar,' then?
Me - Don't read the epilogue first! Peasant.
Of course, at this point you might expect me to sweep toddler into my arms and apologise for whole day of neglectful behavior. But, no...
Me - OK, I am totally going on LJ now. Also, must search for Dumbledore/Grindlewald fanfic.
Toddler - I so don't need you now you have trained me to use the DVD remote. Hi-5 are my substitute parents. Also, Doctor Who is on soon, and I have heard a rumour there will be Daleks.
Hon - Shh, I'm reading here.