Every silver cloud has a grey lining
I just wrote this email to my close friends here in town, the ones I get togetehr with every Wednesday. None of whom have an LJ. Since I seemed to have summed things up as best I could I guess I'll just post it here too. It seem weird since it just happened. And I'm not looking for a string of "I'm sorry" replies, I just figure this is the fastest way to let the most people know.
My tribal belly dance troupe, Farfasha, rocked today at our debut performance.
See pictures here:
http://gallery.chambana.net/photos/bellydance-20041128
But every silver cloud has a grey lining. After a weird evening of not talking Zach and I finally did have that talk we've needed to have. And the verdict is that its over. It was his decision, not mine. He says he has a lot of stuff to work out and needs to be single. On one level its a relief to finally know for sure. But right now I'm mostly just heartbroken. I really do love him, he doesn't love me back. That hurts. And though I know its not my fault, I can't make him love me. I can't help but wonder what I could have done different or better. I know there is nothing more I could have done. I loved him the best way I knew how. Its not me, its him. As cliche as that is, its how things are.
Now begins the process of learning how to just be his friend and his roommate. He has offered to give me as much space as I need. I wish he weren't so nice about it. On some level it would be easier if I could hate him. But I don't. He is a great person. One I would have been proud of to have stayed with for a long, long time. But I will just have to settle for being his friend.
My tribal belly dance troupe, Farfasha, rocked today at our debut performance.
See pictures here:
http://gallery.chambana.net/photos/bellydance-20041128
But every silver cloud has a grey lining. After a weird evening of not talking Zach and I finally did have that talk we've needed to have. And the verdict is that its over. It was his decision, not mine. He says he has a lot of stuff to work out and needs to be single. On one level its a relief to finally know for sure. But right now I'm mostly just heartbroken. I really do love him, he doesn't love me back. That hurts. And though I know its not my fault, I can't make him love me. I can't help but wonder what I could have done different or better. I know there is nothing more I could have done. I loved him the best way I knew how. Its not me, its him. As cliche as that is, its how things are.
Now begins the process of learning how to just be his friend and his roommate. He has offered to give me as much space as I need. I wish he weren't so nice about it. On some level it would be easier if I could hate him. But I don't. He is a great person. One I would have been proud of to have stayed with for a long, long time. But I will just have to settle for being his friend.