I'm not that girl (repraise)
So I've calmed down since my last post. Mostly I don't want to drink myself into oblivion anymore. I still can't think about him without crying every other time (in between I'm angry and bitter) nor can I look at his profile picture on FB without tears streaming. So that means I'm taking a hiatus from facebooking for a while. And from him for that matter. I've decided that I can't just be friends with him, it just hurts too much. So until I can move on or he gives me a chance, I can't talk to him. It's not fair to me. All I've ever wanted from him was just one kiss. If it was awkward and spark-less I would have never mentioned it again. Now I just have to figure out how to a) tell him this and b) get his stuff back to him (and get mine back) without seeing him. And before anyone says there are more fish in the sea, I don't care. I want *that* fish. He's the only guy I've ever felt like I've had the slightest chance with, ever. He gets me better than many people who have known me for years, he gets what it's like to be sick all the time. Somehow between all of our marathon conversations I think I may have fallen in love with him. How is it possible to give your heart to someone who doesn't want it? I'm crushed, my heart is shattered and I've never had this happen before. The worst part of it is I miss him constantly, even when I'm pissed beyond belief at him. I don't know what to do and the only advice I've been getting is from my mom and is completely useless. All she says is that I'll find someone else who can drive me around and will go out to eat with me. Doesn't she get that stuff isn't important to me? How can she be so good at giving advice to everyone else in the world except me? This just sucks.
Until next time,
CB
Until next time,
CB