Emotionally Homeless
Sophie visited home recently, but due to my work schedule being of the Monday-through-Friday, nine-to-five variety, I didn't get to spend much time with her. On its own, this fact doesn't bother me too much, although I would've been happy to see her every day if it could have worked out that way. What does bother me is that her visiting and leaving directly after Scott's visiting and leaving has made it clear that Albany doesn't feel like home anymore. No place feels like home anymore. It feels like there's a wall of self importance and narcissism between my fire performing friends and me. I'm no longer in touch with Jes Davis, for the most part. I still talk to Jessica Jordan, but even she is looking to get out of the area soon. Basically, the only thing tying me to Albany is AmeriCorps and Scott. I recently applied for a Senior Librarian position at a state correctional facility, and I doubt that I'll get it for the simple reason that I don't yet have formal librarian experience. However, if I manage to get it, it would mean leaving my AmeriCorps program and moving to somewhere down by home (probably New Paltz). I'm not sure where that would leave Scott and I living together, but I feel like it could work out if we want it to, which I think we would. Then there's the matter of skipping out on Siena and the library. I wouldn't feel good about leaving a small part of the way through my program. However, being a librarian at a correctional facility is what I want to do, and if I could deal with the less than ideal location now, then I could always move if something becomes available closer to where Scott wants to be. It might seem silly to make decisions based on your significant other, but that's what we're supposed to do when we're in an adult relationship. We keep each other involved in our decisions and make it work if it matters to us. Maybe some place will feel like home when Scott and I move in together, wherever we are.
Until then, I'm my home, and that will have to be enough.
Until then, I'm my home, and that will have to be enough.